


Drawn Together

by Jencala, YumeNouveau



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Muggle, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Artist Sirius Black, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Blow Jobs, Car Accidents, Clubbing, Co-workers, Coffee Shops, Description of Past Attempted Murder, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends to Lovers, Funeral, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, Graphic Description, M/M, Minor Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Remus Lupin & James Potter Friendship, Rimming, Semi-Public Sex, Sexual Tension, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Size Kink, Slow Burn, Stuttering, Writer Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 09:26:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 62,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15748887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jencala/pseuds/Jencala, https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumeNouveau/pseuds/YumeNouveau
Summary: Without knowing why, Remus wanted to argue with the other man. “I’ll grant you it’s nice , but I’m just not sure it’s going to suit my column.”Sirius stared at him incredulously, his control appearing to finally snap. “Nice?  Look, I’m the best at what I do, and that’s why Peter approached me for your magazine.  If anything, you should be thanking me for even considering drawing for your little... sex column.”Remus narrowed his eyes, burning with anger over the insult.  All thoughts of how incredibly good-looking Sirius was were overridden by how much of an arrogant berk he was. “My little sex column?  First of all, it’s a lifestyle column, and secondly, it’s the most popular item in a very successful magazine and directly responsible for our increased subscriptions!”Sirius smirked, rolling his eyes.  “Lifestyle? So whoring around is a lifestyle now?”**Winner of Shrieking Shack Society's Marauder Medals 2018 for the following:**- Winner of Best AU- Winner for Best Artwork- 2nd Place for Best Characterization of Remus- 2nd Place for Best Characterization of James





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> JenCala: This fic was such a labor of love for the pairing and so much blood, sweat, and tears went into making it, quite literally at some points. I want to say thank you to my amazing beta and dear friend Llaeyro who made my words infinitely better and my fabulous alpha Shayalonnie who was my cheerleader from day one. An incredibly huge thank you to the most amazing artist, Yumenouveau, who I am so thankful wanted to be paired with me! It was amazing to work with you on this and I'm so glad we've become friends! Another huge thank you to my dear friends on Discord, especially my TGV loves who cheered me on and gave me the motivation when I didn't think I could finish this. I love you all more than you know, my lovelies!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this. ;-)
> 
> Yumenouveau: This was such an amazing collaboration and it's been so fun to be a part of this! I want to thank Jen for wanting to partner and providing me with such an inspiring story to draw for, I'm such Wolfstar AU trash and she knows it! Also big thank you to NachoDiablo for hosting and inviting me into this project and all of their valuable help along the way. Please feel free to message me on tumblr and IG as well, same user name, cause I love chatting Wolfstar with fellow fans

“Pete’s going to be pissed that I’m late again,” Remus muttered to himself as he hurried up the street.  Darting between the other pedestrians, he screeched to a stop at the corner. He glanced at his watch impatiently as he waited at the busy intersection, sighing when the light finally turned and joining the throng of bodies rushing to the opposite curb.

The imposing building which housed the offices of _The Marauder_ loomed ahead of him.  Remus spared the doorman a smile as he hurried towards the lift.  Tapping his foot restlessly, he rolled his eyes when luck stopped him on almost every floor before he was finally able to disembark on the seventh.  The lift doors opened, revealing a large brass plaque which read _The Marauder: The Only Magazine for Today’s Discerning Rebel_.  Remus whizzed blindly past it, heading towards his editor’s office.

“You’re late,” the receptionist greeted him, waving a hand at the office behind her.  “He’s waiting for you, so you can just go in.”

Remus winked at the secretary, slipping his beanie off and running a hand through his tawny curls.  “Thanks, Mary.”

Walking into the spacious office, his greeting died on his lips as he saw that his editor was on the phone.  With a brusque hand motion, the man indicated to take a seat.

Remus slid into a chair before the large mahogany desk and waited.

“No, that’s perfect.  Exactly what I’m looking for and I know he’ll be pleased.”  Peter Pettigrew's grin was infectious as he spoke, and Remus smiled at all the gratuitous hand motions he made as he talked.  “Whatever you say. Perfect. We’ll see you tomorrow at ten then. Ta.”

Peter hung up the phone and looked at Remus appraisingly, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.  “You’re late, Lupin.”

Remus rolled his eyes tiredly.  “I know, I know, sorry about that Pete.  I had a late night and my alarm didn’t go off this morning.”

Peter leant back in his chair, smiling as he assessed Remus.  “Well, then it’s a good thing I’m in such a wonderful mood.”

“I’m almost scared to find out what’s got you so chipper.”

“Even _you’re_ going to be thrilled with this bit of news,” Peter assured him.  “You know I wanted to talk to you today about the direction of your column.”

Remus nodded apprehensively.  He loved working for _The Marauder_.  His column was popular; it had earned him a decent salary and the flexibility to steer his pieces where he liked.  Still, he hoped Peter would get to the point quickly. They met twice a month to discuss upcoming pieces, and though normally happy to let Remus choose his direction, Peter could still be a bit of a wild card.

Remus’ column had shocked Peter by becoming the main attraction of a successful men's magazine, but it pleased him to no end.  They had a great working relationship, and Peter fully supported Remus’ integrity as a writer—but his ultimate goal was profit, and that meant  that he sometimes tried to intervene on what Remus wanted to write. Just last month he had tried to sway Remus into visiting a hot new club to meet a woman so he could boost heterosexual interest in his column.  Remus had raised his eyebrows and completely ignored the suggestion; he was bisexual but tended towards men and, in any case, would not be told who to hit on. There had been another time Peter convinced Remus to mention a specific cocktail in an article—he’d been unsurprised to see a liquor advert on the page facing his column in that week’s issue.

"You know I’m thrilled that the addition of your column has been so successful for circulation.  We're the number one men's magazine in Britain and I know that's in no small part thanks to your writing.".

"Well, that’s good, right?" Remus agreed warily.

"Of _course_ it is, but we want to make sure we _keep_ that standing.  Magazine sales are dwindling across the country!  We need an edge, Remus, we always need an edge on our competitors!  That's why I think you're going to love this."

"Pete, no offence, but could you get to the point?" Remus prodded, wiping his now sweaty palms on his trousers.  "I'm getting a bit anxious here."

Peter’s chin wobbled as he chuckled. "Well, I've been thinking that we need some artwork to accompany your pieces.  I know you’ve rejected this idea in the past, but I want our readers to really get a dose of a gay man's life—of _your_ life—by seeing it and not just reading it."

"You want to illustrate my column?" Remus asked, perplexed.  "Like a comic book?"

Peter shook his head.  "No, no! I think a brilliant piece of art actually depicting something from each week's column will increase your readership.  It'll be eye-catching. It will help your readers to connect even better with your stories"

Remus nodded slowly.  "Alright, I guess I can see that.  So you’ve found an artist?"

Peter's grin widened.  "Did I _ever_ !  I managed to get _Sirius Black_!  That was him on the phone just now, and he's interested in working with us."

"Sirius Black? Yeah, reckon I've heard of him."

"Of course you have!" Peter cried.  "He's one of the most sought-after commercial artists in London.  His portraits are incredibly realistic, and he's even ventured into media print of late.  It's quite the coup that he wants to work with us!"

Remus frowned, wracking his brain in an effort to think of anything else he'd heard about Black.  He knew the name because a friend of his owned an art gallery; apparently, there was more to Sirius Black than just his talent.  "I've heard he's notoriously difficult to work with. I've heard tell he's a bit of a prick."

Peter waved his hand dismissively.  "Ah, just an artist's temperament, I'm sure.  His work is amazing, and I'm sure his reputation is exaggerated."

Remus arched a brow.  "If you say so, Pete. So do I need to meet with him?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact. Tomorrow morning, ten sharp.  You can discuss how you want to handle getting him the column and what your preferences are.  I've already discussed the particulars with his agent."

Remus fell back against his chair with a sigh.  "Fine, Pete. I'll talk to the guy and see what we can do.  I just hope he's not an arse."

Shaking his head indulgently, Peter laughed.  "You'll see, Remus. This is going to be the beginning of a beautiful and very profitable partnership."

They discussed ideas for the next few columns, then Remus was free to leave—amid warnings to be on time for the next day's meeting.

Home later in his little flat, he settled at his desk with a steaming cup of his favourite tea and opened his laptop.  He wanted to find out more about Sirius Black and to see if his artwork could match up with what the column represented.

A Google search immediately offered dozens of links referencing Black and his artwork.  Remus clicked through the images and his jaw dropped open; the drawings and paintings in front of him were simply incredible.

Remus enlarged one and could only stare in wonder.  The drawing was of a woman sitting at a bar throwing her head back in laughter; if he didn't know any better, he would think it was a photograph.  The realism and stark lines in the art drew his eye, but it was the _emotion_ in the woman's face that enthralled him.  Her mirth was captured beautifully, and the image almost seemed to be moving with vibrancy.

He moved on to the next image and was again struck by the realistic beauty and the anger he saw radiating from the boys in the artwork.  Two young men, most likely in their mid-teens, stood facing each other in what appeared to be an elegant sitting room. The younger of the two stood looking up at the other with rage clearly written all over his features while the elder… the elder had a look of anger tinged with sadness as he looked down upon the other boy.  The boys appeared very similar—likely brothers or related, at the very least—and Remus was in awe of the emotions displayed on their faces.

He browsed picture after picture; it was obvious why Black’s work was so successful and highly sought after.  Impressed, Remus skimmed a few articles describing the artist as a recluse with a cutting wit and difficult reputation. One article detailed a temper tantrum he had thrown regarding a particular client—he appeared to care little for his reputation despite his youth and still-limited renown.  

Before Remus knew it, his tea had grown cold, and the sun was setting outside his window.  He couldn't believe how long he had spent researching Sirius Black when he had a column still to finish writing.

He went to the kitchen to make himself a quick dinner and a fresh cup of tea then settled back at his computer to finish the week's column.  Tomorrow he would see for himself what kind of artist, and _person_ , Sirius Black really was.

 

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

 

Relaxing in his chair, Remus tried not to grin at Peter over the rim of his teacup.  

Peter saw his expression and rolled his eyes as Remus set his cup and saucer down on the desk.

"I was on time today, Pete.  Seems your artist isn't quite so punctual.".

"It's only ten minutes after.  Artists are known to be temperamental, you know."

Remus grinned and didn't answer.

"Black is a well sought after artist, Remus, and if a few minutes late is the price we have to pay to work with him, then so be it.”

Before Remus could reply, a knock sounded on the open door, followed by a deep, posh voice.  “Mr. Pettigrew? I apologise for being late, traffic was a nightmare.”

Peter stood up to greet the newcomer, and Remus turned in his chair.  He barely heard the exchanged pleasantries as he absorbed Sirius Black.  His mind blanked; the only thought he managed to form was _‘fuck’_.

The man shaking Peter’s hand was exceedingly tall, his long, raven hair swept into a bun, loose tendrils framing his chiselled face.  Remus’ eyes swept quickly over broad shoulders encased in a black leather jacket; a white v-neck showed his sculpted form, and his ripped jeans were so tight that Remus wondered how he could walk in them. Glancing back at the strikingly handsome face, he found piercing grey eyes staring back at him.  They flared with amusement, and a smirk quirked as Sirius extended a hand toward Remus.

“Sirius Black.”

Remus cleared his throat and shook his hand, his grip firm.  “Remus Lupin. Pleasure to finally meet you.”

Sirius did not let go of his hand.  His eyes made an obvious sweep of Remus from head to toe, and his smirk widened.  “Pleasure’s all mine.”

Remus cheeks burnt at the appraisal, and he bit the ring threaded through the edge of his lip, a self-conscious habit.  Sirius’ eyes flicked to the silver hoop, and his grip tightened. Clearing his throat, Remus quickly pulled his hand back and turned back towards Peter’s desk.  He didn’t dare look as Sirius sat in the chair beside him.

He caught Peter’s amused glance, mentally cursing his fair complexion as he felt his cheeks redden.

“So gentlemen,” Peter began, sitting back down at his desk, “let’s discuss what I’m sure will be a fantastic collaboration.  I can’t tell you how pleased we are that you’ve agreed to work with us, Mr. Black. Your work is truly astounding.”

“Sirius, please.  And thank you, I’m flattered you think so highly of my art. This type of collaboration isn’t something I’ve done before, but I am intrigued.”  

Remus spoke before he could stop himself:  “Why?”

Sirius turned to him, brows furrowed.  “Why what?”

“Why are you intrigued by the offer? I’ve seen your work, and I would think an artist of your caliber would be looking for something more… high-brow.”

The other man cocked his head, studying Remus as if trying to make sense of his question.  

Peter interrupted with a nervous laugh. “What Remus is _trying_ to say is that we’re very impressed with your art and are glad you’ve decided to work with _The Marauder_.”

Sirius glanced at Remus again before addressing Peter eagerly.  “Well, I’ve read your magazine on occasion and found it entertaining.  Lily—my agent—thought it a good opportunity.”

Peter nodded, appearing gratified, but it was Remus who once again spoke, not even understanding his need for a clearer answer.  “Yes, but _why_ is it a good opportunity?   Surely you get offers from many different avenues.  Why _The Marauder_ and why my column?”

Sirius met Remus’ eyes and huffed a laugh while shrugging.  “To be honest, I get bored easily. I’ve been doing portraits for a few years, and I just did an ad campaign for a perfume company.  I wanted something different. I like to be challenged, and this sounded like a great change of pace; an opportunity to do something more... pedestrian.”

Remus wasn’t sure if it was _meant_ as a subtle dig or not, but either way, the choice of phrasing didn’t sit well with him.  “Pedestrian?”

Sirius shook his head, waving his hand dismissively.  “I don’t mean it in a bad way. I’m just thinking something with more of a mass appeal is a nice change for me right now.”

Remus quirked a brow, his temper beginning to flare.  “So you think your art is too refined for the masses?”

“Gentlemen, gentlemen, let’s get back on track here,” Peter interrupted, shooting a quelling glare at Remus before turning to Sirius with a placatory smile.  “I’m sure Miss Evans explained what we’re after, Sirius, but I want to expand on what we discussed yesterday and outline our expectations.”

Sirius frowned briefly at Remus before turning back to Peter.  “Yes, that’s fine. I understand that you need a weekly piece to accompany each column—but I’m not entirely clear on _what_ you’d want me to illustrate.”

“Well, Remus here will send you his column to read, and you’ll choose a scene that you think our readers would like to see detailed.  Which one is entirely for you and he to decide.”

“That sounds perfectly fine, but I have a slight reservation, Mr. Pettigrew.”  Sirius avoided Remus’ gaze as he answered, as though unsure of how his comment would be received.  “I’ve read the columns, and while extremely entertaining, I’ve never done pornography. I’m not sure I would be comfortable illustrating that.”

Remus’ nostrils flared indignantly. “ _Pornography_?”

“No, no, we definitely aren’t after anything like that,”  Peter assured Sirius quickly, completely ignoring Remus' outburst.  ”Tasteful images only, of course, completely at your discretion. The column does get a bit— _salacious_ , shall we say—but we wouldn’t want anything verging on adult-only.”

Remus bit his lip, trying to temper the anger festering due to the slights on his own work.

Sirius again turned to him, a small smile playing on his lips as he took in the obvious disgruntlement.  “I did read your latest column and brought some sketches to show you—to see if they’re in line with what you’re thinking of.”

He reached into his messenger bag and pulled out a large sketchbook, flipping quickly through it before handing it over. Remus gave him a curt nod and studied the image.

“Obviously let me know if there’s anything specific you want me to depict. You described a pub conversation with some bloke in last week’s column, and it stood out to me,” Sirius explained.  “It’s just a rough sketch, but I wanted something to show you today.”

Though he wanted to deny it, Remus had to admit that the drawing was beautifully done.   Though the two figures in the sketch obviously looked nothing like himself or his recent one-night stand, he could easily remember the moment he’d written about.  Sirius had captured it with surprising accuracy—the suggestive look on the man’s face, his hand high on Remus’ thigh. Remus could practically hear the filthy suggestions whispered in his ear as a hand slid up his leg that night.

He sighed with resignation, realising Sirius would be able to beautifully capture moments to draw his readers in further.

Before he could grudgingly open his mouth to admit as much, Sirius spoke: “I’ll confess, I thought about sketching you and your _friend_ in the alley from later... but I couldn’t quite bring myself to illustrate something like that.”

“Something like _that_?”  Remus glared, unable to hold back as he accused,  “Do you have an issue with people who enjoy sex? Are you a prude Mr. Black—or simply a homophobe?”

Remus’ frustration increased as Sirius laughed.

“ _Homophobe_?  Me?  Truthfully, I think homophobia would be quite hypocritical of me since I’m gay myself, Mr. Lupin.”

Ignoring the flutter his stomach gave at that information, Remus  snapped, “So a prude then?”

Sirius raised his brows, irritation in his eyes.  “I’m not a prude by any means. I just draw the line at sketching two men having sex in an alley.”  He closed his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath before continuing, “Look, perhaps—this may not be what you wanted, but I’m sure we’ll come to an agreement.”

Remus nodded mutely and handed the sketchbook to Peter, whose eyes lit up as though it were money.  

“This is excellent, Sirius!  Our readers will be clamouring for more,”  Peter said, fixing Remus with a hard, questioning gaze.  “Don’t you agree, Remus?”

Without knowing why, Remus wanted to argue with the other man. “I’ll grant you it’s _nice_ , but I’m just not sure it’s going to suit my column.”

Sirius stared at him incredulously, his control appearing to finally snap. “ _Nice_ ?  Look, I’m the best at what I do, and that’s why Peter approached _me_ for your magazine.  If anything, _you_ should be _thanking_ me for even _considering_ drawing for your little... sex column.”

Remus narrowed his eyes, burning with anger over the insult.  All thoughts of how incredibly good-looking Sirius was were overridden by how much of an arrogant berk he was. “My _little sex column_ ?  First of all, it’s a _lifestyle_ column, and secondly, it’s the most popular item in a very successful magazine and directly responsible for our increased  subscriptions!”

Sirius smirked, rolling his eyes.  “Lifestyle? So whoring around is a _lifestyle_ now?”

Remus jumped up, glaring fiercely. “ _Whoring_ ? You know what, Black? You _are_ a prude if you think that enjoying sex equals being a whore.  I don’t know that I _want_ to work with someone who doesn’t understand that sex is fun and who thinks _all_ I do is write about fucking.”

Peter tried to intervene, his eyes darting between them as he floundered for a way to salvage the situation, but Sirius stood up to meet Remus’ glower with one of his own, their faces inches from each other.

“I call it as I see it, Lupin. You think your ‘life lessons’ spiel at the end of each column is enough to excuse your promiscuity?” Sirius sneered maliciously.  “You _do_ realise that you’re not Carrie Bradshaw and _Sex and the City_ was tired _years_ ago, right?”

Remus’ chest heaved as he fought to keep his temper, but he desperately wanted to knock the satisfied smirk off of Sirius’ face; he just didn’t know _how_.  “It figures that someone with your reputation would make outdated references to insult people who are actually enjoying life rather than shuttering themselves away with only a paintbrush for company.  Fuck off, Black. Peter, I’m done here. ”

He grabbed his messenger bag and stormed out the door, ignoring Peter’s echoing pleas as well as the smouldering grey stare that was burned into his mind.

 


	2. Two

Remus was still fuming about his meeting with the infamous Sirius Black when he walked into the cafe down the street from _The Marauder_ offices where he was meeting his best mate for lunch.  He didn’t care that he was early, but he saw James was already sitting at a table by the window, so he pushed his way through the crowded restaurant. Some of his bad mood dissipated as James stood to greet him, a huge grin lighting up his face.  

“Moony!”  James said as he engulfed him in a tight hug.

Remus couldn’t help but smile at his ridiculously enthusiastic greeting.  “I just saw you two days ago, Prongs.” He laughed, clapping James on the shoulder before dropping his messenger bag and sitting down across from his friend.

“That’s two days too long, mate.  I need a daily dose of Remus to keep me on the straight and narrow, don’t you know?”

Remus rolled his eyes.  “Oh yes, you just get in so much trouble nowadays, _Dr. Potter_.”  

“Not enough as of late, but you know the drill: I get in trouble, and it’s your job to get me out.”

“I think my hands are full enough with my real job, thank you very much.”

“So is that the problem?  Work?” James, asked, one eyebrow arched.

“I never said I had a problem.”

“You may not have said it aloud, but the look on your face when you came in begs to differ.”

Remus sighed knowing it was useless to try to hide anything from James.  They’d been inseparable from the moment they had been assigned as university roommates eleven years prior.  Wild and exuberant, James proved the perfect balance to Remus’ own quieter nature, and they bonded over sarcasm and mischief.  Over the years James had proven himself to be the best friend Remus could have ever asked for many times over. He could definitely count on James to back him up after Black’s attack on his work—hell, on his _life_.  

“Well, you know I just came from a meeting with Peter,” Remus said. “It... kind of went to shit.”

“I thought it was odd you were so early.  I figured I’d be waiting a while. What happened?  Did Pete not like the latest column?”

Remus shook his head. “No, he’s happy with my work.  Sales are booming, which you know makes Pete a happy man, but he wants to make sure we keep an _edge_ , he says.  So he’s paired me with an artist to draw more attention to the column.”

James’ brows furrowed in confusion. “And you _don’t_ want to do that?”

“Oh, I reckon the idea is sound, but we met with the _artist_ this morning,” Remus said, voice dripped with contempt.

A waitress came to take their order, and Remus paused to take a quick glance at the menu. James added some more cream to his coffee, taking a drink while Remus made his decision.

James waited until the waitress left then said, “So, now we’re getting to it.  Is the artist no good?”

Remus sighed. “No, the wanker’s talented, _extremely_ talented.  He’s just a prize wanker.”

“Sounds just like your type.” James smirked.  ”Is he fit?”

“Prongs, don’t be an arse!  The git thinks he’s bloody superior for one, _and_ he called my column nothing but porn!”

James’ jaw dropped. “He didn’t!”

“Oh, he did,”  Remus fumed. He also said I was ‘no Carrie Bradshaw’, the bloody git.  Told me I was copping off of _Sex and the City_!”

James’ eyes widened.  “What a wanker! Tell me you went off on him!”

“Oh, I might have gotten off a few remarks.“  Remus’ smirk suddenly became a frown as the thought of consequences for his actions came crashing down around him.  “Pete’s probably pissed as hell at me because I stormed out of the meeting.”

“Well, I’m sure if this bloke is as horrible as you say, then Pete will understand.”

Remus shrugged and shook his head. “I don’t think so.  He’s really keen on using Black, and the art really is amazing, but I don't know if I can deal with his condescending attitude.”

"I don't care how good of an artist he is, if he's that much of a bastard then you shouldn't have to work with him.  What kind of a prick talks down to the writer of the column he's working for?"

Remus sighed. "Well, to be fair, I was a bit antagonising, but he really _was_ a wanker.  I couldn't help it!  You should have seen how arrogant he was!"

There was the sound of a throat being cleared behind them, and Remus turned, face blanching as he looked up, wide-eyed, into the smirking face of Sirius Black.

James quirked a brow and looked at Remus curiously, taking in the man standing next to their table.

Sirius smiled politely as though he had not insulted Remus' work and lifestyle an hour earlier.  "Terribly sorry to interrupt, but I came in and saw you over here and thought I’d apologise for being so rude earlier.  Of course, then I overheard your conversation and just _had_ to step in."

The man turned to James and held out his hand with an agonisingly charming smile.  "Sirius Black, superior git and wanker extraordinaire, _apparently_."

James bit his lip to keep from laughing, looking far too pleased with Remus' sudden misery, and shook Sirius’ hand. "Dr. James Potter.  Remus has been telling me all about you and the meeting."

Sirius shrugged, a placating smile on his lips.  "Well, I've always been taught to not believe everything you hear."

Remus had remained silent, trying to temper his mortification, but at Sirius' comment,  he looked up with a sneer. "Sometimes it just takes meeting the person to realise that assumptions _are_ correct."

Sirius closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath before looking at Remus earnestly. "Look Lupin, I really did come over here to apologise.  I was a bit of a berk and said things that were completely off base and uncalled for. You were no saint mind you," he added in quickly, "but I _am_ sorry if what I said offended you."

Under normal circumstances, Remus would have gracefully accepted the apology and made one of his own, but something about Black just grated on him.  "Well, I appreciate you saying that, but how do I trust you won’t go spouting off again? You’ve already looked down on my work enough."

“I never looked down on your work, to begin with.”

“Did you not call his column pornography, then?” James interrupted.

Sirius flushed and shook his head.  “I was asking Pettigrew about the kind of art he wanted, and I just said I wasn’t comfortable drawing pornography since Lupin’s column _can_ be a bit graphic.   It wasn’t a slight whatsoever.”

“I seem to recall you calling my work ‘nothing but a sex column’, and then calling _me_ a whore,” Remus scoffed.

“W—You provoked me, and I responded!" Sirius snapped, his calm visage fading instantly. "You’re telling your friend here everything out of context.” Sirius turned to James. “Is he always like this?”

James was clearly fighting to keep a grin off his face but he shrugged at Sirius’ comment.  “To _me_?  Not so much.  I think you may have touched a nerve.”

Remus glared at his friend. “He was _completely_ out of line.”  At James' reply of a suggestively quirked a brow,  he shook his head angrily before turning back to Sirius. “Are you going to stay here and ruin my lunch too?”

“My God, you’re exasperating!” Sirius exclaimed. “Look, can we stop assigning blame and just chalk it up to a bad first impression?  We need to have a decent working relationship for _The Marauder_.  What do you say?”

Looking at the well-manicured hand Sirius extended, Remus toyed idly with his lip ring.  He sighed, eventually taking the hand and shaking it. "Fine. For _The Marauder_."

He looked up and caught Sirius' eyes following the play of his tongue over the piercing. Fighting back a grin as Sirius gave his own lip a distracted bite, Remus teased,  "Okay, Black?"

Sirius startled and his eyes snapped to Remus' as he jerked his hand back.  Remus mentally berated himself for missing its warmth.

Clearing his throat, Sirius ran a hand through his hair, knocking his bun slightly loose. "Well, good, this is good."  He moved aside as the waitress approached. "I'll... uh, leave you to your meal."

Remus nodded, trying to ignore how nicely the loosened hair framed Sirius’ sculpted face.  "I'll get you the new column by tomorrow then."

Sirius withdrew a business card from the pocket of his leather jacket and handed it to Remus.  "There's my details, just send your articles to that email address, and I'll get to work."

He opened his mouth, looking like he wanted to say something else but closed it when his eyes locked on Remus'.   He cleared his throat once again and turned quickly to James, inclining his head. "Pleasure to meet you, Dr. Potter.  Lupin," he added, glancing once more at Remus before walking away towards the cafe’s front counter.

"Pleasure was all mine!"  James called after him, a huge grin on his face.

Remus tore his gaze away from Sirius' retreating back and saw James with his head in his hands, shoulders shaking.  "Prongs, what is it? What's wrong?"

"That was… _oh my God_ … that was—" James took his glasses off to wipe the tears from his eyes as his body wracked with laughter, "—the best thing that I've _ever_ witnessed!"

Remus clenched his jaw in irritation.  "Really? You like seeing me humiliated?  He bloody heard all the shit we were saying!"

James laughed even harder, his loud chortles drawing stares from other diners nearby.  He tried to stop and speak but couldn't, which made him laugh even more.

"You know I could just leave, right?"  He watched James trying to control himself and failing when he looked at Remus' angry face.  "This isn't funny, Prongs!"

Finally managing to get a hold of himself, James clutched his sides as tears streamed down his face.  "Oh gods, I needed that!" He took a few calming breaths and sighed, still grinning. "Remus, oh _Remus_... that was brilliant."

Remus scowled.  "Brilliant? That was embarrassing!"

"Which part?  When you were drooling over him or when he was ogling you?" James snorted.

"What?"

James shook his head, his eyes alight.  "You know, when you were telling me about your meeting with him before you forgot to mention how hot you are for him."

" _Hot_ for him?" Remus cried indignantly.  "I'm not _hot_ for him!  And there was no drooling or ogling going on!"

"Keep telling yourself that, Moony."  James winked, taking a huge bite of his sandwich.

Remus stabbed one of his chips with a fork, glaring at his best mate.  "You saw how much of a git he is."

James took another bite, chewing and swallowing before answering cheekily.  "Well, I'll give you he seemed a bit arrogant, but we tall, dark, and sexy types usually are."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

James watched Remus eat for a few silent moments before asking, "So do you think you'll sleep with him soon or are you going to wait until your dick just explodes?"

"Prongs!"

"What?"  James asked innocently.

"I am not going to sleep with him!  He's an arrogant arsehole I'm being forced to work with.  That's all!"

"Whatever you say, Moony, but he was eyeing you up like a piece of steak on sale at the butcher shop."

Remus fought the blush he knew was spreading over his face. "He was _not_."

"Moony, he was staring so hard at you playing with your lip ring I thought he was going to jump you right here and now."

"What? He… You are _so_ far off base here, Prongs."

James smirk widened. "Don't lie and tell me that you don't think he's fit or that you didn’t like the fact he was ogling you, because that blush on your face says otherwise."

"Fine, he's good-looking, alright?"  Remus bit out reluctantly. "Want me to set the two of you up since you keep harping about how fit he is?"

James, thoroughly amused, quirked a brow in answer.

“Regardless, he’s still a prick.” Remus huffed.

"I don't know, I mean he was coming over to apologise before he heard us talking shit, so that's something right? He can't be all bad if he still tried to make nice even after _that_."

"Sure, take the git's side."

"Damn, you really do have it bad!"

"I do not!"

"Alright fine, but just hear me out.  So you admired the bloke's art, then you meet him, and you're a bit in shock by how fit he is.”  James raised a hand to silence Remus when he started to interrupt. "Then, somehow or another, he insults your work, whether intentional or not, and you get defensive.  Am I getting this right so far?"

Remus glared at him moodily.

"So you're naturally put out that he belittles what you do because you're attracted to the guy.  I know you, Moony, it takes less than that to get you riled up at times. But I think you just need to give this,“ James waved his hands, “ _thing_ a chance.  If he's as good at what he does as you are at what _you_ do then this could be great for both you and _The Marauder_."

Remus rolled his eyes.  "When did you get so smart, you twat?"  

James leant back in his chair and winked.  "I _did_ graduate medical school at the top of my class, you know."

"Fine, I'll give the arse a chance," Remus groaned.

James quirked a brow.  " _Just_ his arse?"

Remus threw his serviette at him, and James caught it with a chuckle.

"I know they say don't mix business with pleasure, but I think you're going to have a _hard_ time of  that with this."

"Fucking hell, can you stop with the sex jokes already?  How they let you become a paediatrician I have no idea."

James shook his head, his expression turning serious.  "Listen, mate, I'm taking the piss, but I do think you need to relax and give it a chance.  You're both obviously attracted to each other but you need to think about your career too. As well as things are going right now this could be an even bigger boost."

"I know; you're right," Remus conceded.  "But you can forget about the sexual tension you _think_ you saw. This is _only_ work."

"Sure it is."

"No, James, you know I don't do relationships anymore, and I'm not going to hook up with someone I’ll be working with for the foreseeable future just because I think he's fit."

James frowned. "I know you haven't had a relationship since—"

"It's not up for discussion, Prongs."

"You're such a stubborn arse, Moony."  James shook his head. "Fine, I'm not saying marry the bloke, but just… just don't rule him out."

"This is purely business and that's it.  No further discussion is necessary or wanted."

James rolled his eyes.  "Alright, have it your way.  We still up for the pub on Thursday night?"

"Just because I'm disagreeing with you doesn't mean I'm going to miss our standing pub night."

"Good, because there's a new place that I want to check out.  Overheard one of the nurses talking about it. Sounds fun."

That night Remus finished writing the week’s column and glanced at the business card sitting by his laptop.  Taking a deep breath he shook his head and emailed the column to Sirius before reluctance made him change his mind.  He added a short note before clicking 'Send', and afterwards hoped it didn't come across as snarky as it sounded in his head.

 

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

 

Remus woke up the next morning to find sun streaming through the blinds he'd forgotten to close before bed.  He looked at his bedside clock and groaned—it was far too early, but he knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep again.

After a quick shower, he grabbed a cup of steaming tea and settled on his sofa with his laptop. He opened his email to check for any late night notes from his insomniac copy editor. If he needed to edit his latest column, then he wanted to get it out of the way as soon as he could.

His breath hitched when he saw an email from Sirius.

Setting his tea down, Remus opened it with trepidation.

_Lupin -_

_I thought we were going to try and get along?  Maybe I read too much into your email, but while your column was really well written and very entertaining, it also definitely pushed the envelope this week - wouldn't you say?  I'll get a sketch to you as soon as I can._

_\- Sirius Black_

He sat and stared at the brief note smirking.

His column centred on his life and experiences as a bisexual man, and it definitely bordered on risque, but even _he_ had to admit he'd certainly ‘pushed the envelope’ with this week's article.  He might have gone into more detail than he _ever_ had before, but he knew his audience liked reading about his escapades, and who was he to deny his readers their vicarious thrill?  

And if it pushed Black's buttons... even better.  

Resettling against the cushions, he sipped his tea when the phone rang.  He looked at the caller ID and frowned—Peter didn’t usually ring this early.

"Hey Pete, good morning," Remus answered.

"Remus, for the love of God, are you _trying_ to get Black to quit?"

Remus bit his lip; the frustration in Peter's voice was evident. "Uh, no?"

"Your copy this week says otherwise!"

He grinned despite his boss’ aggravation. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Pete."

Peter groaned.  "Remus, you're lucky you're my top writer, but just don't push it anymore, alright?  I got your texts last night apologising for the way the meeting went and explaining you met up with Black later, but just _try_ not to provoke the man, will you?"

"Sure thing, Pete."

He could practically _hear_ Peter roll his eyes.  

"Fine, but if I hear from Black about this then _you'll_ be the one dealing with him."

Remus laughed and agreed before hanging up.  He leant back grinning widely.

 _'Pretty git doesn't want to draw porn, does he?'_  He thought, toying with his lip ring. _'Let's see what illustration he comes up with now.'_


	3. Three

Sirius stared at the tablet in front of him and ran his fingers through his hair in irritation.  He set his pen down and rolled his neck, stretching, trying to ease the ache in his muscles. 

Standing and crossing to the large studio window, he stared down at the cars passing by on the busy street.  He wasn’t really seeing them—instead, his mind was filled with the image of bodies gyrating to a driving beat, an unknown band on a stage, and Remus Lupin having his cock sucked by a stranger in an alcove. 

Sirius let out a growl of frustration, kicking the baseboard hard and cursing himself for letting Lupin get to him. 

He didn't know why the lanky writer got under his skin so badly, but it was irritating him that he was bothered by the column and the snarky attached note.  He couldn't deny the man was fit— _ fuck _ , he'd felt his cock stir the moment he'd laid eyes on him.  The honey-coloured curls falling in Lupin's soft green eyes were attractive enough, but the way he bit the ring at the corner of his lip had set Sirius' blood boiling. 

He knew he had a reputation for being difficult, but he had never intended to insult a potential colleague and certainly not to belittle him.  Something about Lupin just made him rise to the remarkably effective bait. He didn't want to risk losing this job though, so Sirius wasn't going to let the animosity between them get in the way.

Looking around his studio in annoyance, he realised there was no way he was going to get any work done in his current mood.  A stop by the coffee shop down the block might help. Sirius dropped his tablet and stylus inside his messenger bag, grabbed his jacket, and bounded out of the studio, hoping a hot cup of coffee would help clear his mind.

New to the neighbourhood, he hadn't explored much, but the little shop had caught his eye.  The bell over the door chimed as he walked inside, and he was hit by the pleasant aroma of baked goods and rich coffee.  He smiled, crossed to the empty counter, and ordered a latte. 

After paying the smiling barista, Sirius turned around to admire the quaint shop.  He hated the chain stores that were so popular, but this one was just his style. Small and cosy, the place had a very relaxing vibe that appealed to him. 

Collecting his order, he saw a man sitting at a corner table bent over a laptop, golden curls peeking out from under his beanie were unmistakable. His stomach lurched:  _ Lupin _ .

Sirius cursed under his breath, questioning the fates about what he'd done to deserve the dubious luck of frequently running into a man he'd never set eyes on until three days prior.

Realising it would be just his luck to have Remus spot him as he snuck away and add that to another of the sins the man probably attributed to him, Sirius sighed and walked slowly over to where the other man was sitting. He was determined to play nice despite the obvious attempt to bait him in his e-mail, but Sirius wasn’t sure if Remus would make it easy for him.  

He cleared his throat and forced a smile on his face. "We really have to stop meeting like this."

Startled, Remus looked up. His mouth dropped open in astonishment, the pen he’d been chewing falling from his lips as he stared up at Sirius. 

Remus' eyes narrowed, but he laughed as he bent to pick up his pen. "Are you following me now, Black?"

"Stalking is not a charge I'd like on my record,"  Sirius quipped with a smirk. "No, my studio is right down the street from here and I fancied a cup of coffee.  Never been in here before actually."

Remus nodded, biting his lip as he looked at Sirius assessingly.  "Uh, would you like to sit?"

Sirius hesitated for a moment but since it seemed Remus was making an effort to be polite he took the offered seat.  "Thanks."

Remus watched as Sirius set his things down.  "You said your studio's just down the street—how is it you've never been in here?"

"Oh, I just moved into the flat a few weeks ago.  Haven't had much of a chance to explore the neighbourhood really,"  Sirius explained, taking a sip of his latte. "Do you live around here as well?"

"Just ‘round the corner.  There's one of those chain shops on my corner, but I hate it, really.  I prefer this place. Much quieter and better coffee."

Sirius grinned. "I was just thinking how much I hate the chain shops when I walked in here."

Remus smiled at him, their eyes locking for a moment before he looked away, his cheeks tinged pink. 

An awkward silence descended for a few moments, and Sirius watched the other man open and close his mouth as if to say something twice then take a long sip of his own drink before he tried to break the tension.

"Do you come here to work often?" Sirius asked, groaning when he realised it sounded like a cheesy pickup line.  He caught Remus’ amused glance and shook his head. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”

Remus smiled and it seemed as if he were trying to cut him a break by ignoring Sirius’ embarrassment.  "Often enough that they know my regular order. I work from my flat so it's nice to get out and get a change of scenery.  Plus, it's a great spot to people-watch."

"You like to spy on people?" Sirius asked teasingly.

"I'm a writer, I like to observe." Remus grinned. "Actually, I like to make up stories for people I see, always have done. " 

Intrigued by the admission, Sirius asked,  "Like what?"

Remus bit his lip as if contemplating whether to answer, then shrugged.  He leant forward a bit and jerked his chin in the direction of a couple sitting on a corner sofa.  "See that couple over there?"

Sirius nodded, glancing at the elderly couple, holding hands as they sipped their tea.

Shifting even further forward, Remus' voice dropped as if to share a secret, a mischievous glint in his eye. "That's Tom and his girlfriend Gladys. Tom's retired from the postal service now, and he and Gladys have been having an affair for the last six months.  His wife Madge is tucked up at home knitting, but Tom is an antsy sort of fellow, and Madge doesn't like going out much. So Tom's been seeing Gladys, who is not  _ only  _ an ex-ballerina but likes to skydive a few times a year.  Don't let her age fool you, she's a tiger in the sack."

Sirius barked a laugh.  "That's amazing! Who else?"

Remus smiled shyly, but looked around and motioned to a young woman in a business suit who was placing an order.  "That there is Annie. She's a big executive at an accounting firm. While she likes her job, what she  _ really  _ loves is being a dominatrix.  See, she walked in on her boyfriend having sex with another woman, and instead of losing her shit, she decided to change her life up some.  She dumped the bastard, but now she moonlights as a dom in a swingers club where her natural bossy attitude is a turn on for the blokes she services."

"Well, well, Annie, talk about some hidden depths."  Sirius smirked, playing along happily.

Remus grinned.  "It's always the quiet ones."

"Do you do this to everyone you see?"  Sirius asked, taking a sip of his latte, enjoying this unexpected side of Remus.

"Not everyone, no."  Remus shrugged. "I've just always been very observant, and I have a wild imagination.  It's a bit of fun when I'm bored."

Sirius nodded and considered teasing Remus that both his made up stories had been sexual in nature, but thought better of it. The last thing he wanted was to be accused of being a prude yet again especially as he was enjoying seeing this more relaxed side of the writer.  His eyes traveled over Remus’ features and his mind couldn’t help wandering to the scene he’d depicted in his latest article. Sirius cleared his throat, mentally chiding himself for letting his thoughts stray to  _ that _ .   He quickly pointed to two men sitting at a nearby table. "What scandalous lives do those blokes have?"

Remus stared at them for a moment before answering. "Well, Bill and Andrew have been friends most of their lives, they went to Uni together and were even each other's best man at their respective weddings.  Great mates. But every time they get drunk they end up having a one-off together. Their wives are none the wiser, but it's happened too often over the years for Bill and Andrew to ignore, so they’ve stopped going to the pub together. Now they only meet for coffee or some other  _ sober  _ activity."  Remus winked at Sirius' gobsmacked expression. "Poor blokes, so closeted."

Leaning back in his chair, Sirius shook his head, his lips quirked in an appreciative smile. "You, Mr. Lupin, are a naughty bloke.  Sharing such salacious gossip over these poor people's intimate lives."

Remus waggled his eyebrows. "They shouldn't lead such scandalous lives if they don't want us to know."

"I like your imagination, Lupin,"  Sirius chuckled. "But  _ why  _ is everyone leading a double life?"

Remus sat back, and Sirius could see some tension creep back into the set of his shoulders. "Aren't most people like that, Black?"

Sirius eyed him curiously as he pondered the question. "Well, I guess everyone has secrets of some sort—but no, I don't think most people are living so deceptively.  I like to think most people, good or bad, are pretty honest about who they are, whether they want us to see it or not."

"Then perhaps I’m just cynical."

Sirius shrugged. "That's not a bad thing, but maybe I'm too trusting."

Remus didn't say anything, seemingly intent on running his index finger along the outer rim of his cup.

"Listen, maybe I'm off base here, but can we cut the Lupin and Black thing?  We're going to be working together a lot and, I don't know, maybe it would be nice if you called me Sirius?"

Remus glanced up, surprise evident in his eyes. "Sure, why not? Call me Remus."

"Remus."  Sirius nodded.  "You know, while we're here, I actually have my tablet with me, and I can show you a quick sketch of what I’ve mocked up for your column."

He pulled out his tablet and quickly found the sketch. He handed it over to Remus who took it gingerly.

Watching with trepidation, Sirius’ eyes sought out any physical tell of Remus' thoughts as he scrutinised the drawing.  Remus' eyebrows furrowed, his moss-green eyes moving over the illustration, and Sirius struggled to bite back a groan when straight white teeth bit the ring in the corner of his lip. 

After what seemed like hours, Remus sat back and laid it down on the table. "You're very talented."

"Oh, thanks." Sirius was surprised at the blunt compliment. "What do you think of the scene I chose?  I mean, it's obviously not finished, and I can choose a different one, but..." He mentally chided himself for rambling.

Remus quirked a brow. "Why that particular scene?"

"Well, to be honest, it seemed like your note was issuing me a challenge," Sirius admitted.

"Yeah, about that," Remus began, twisting a paper serviette in his hands.  He kept his head down, avoiding looking at Sirius. “I'm sorry I was a bit of a git in that note.  I was still riled up, and it may have been a bit harsh."

Sirius couldn't resist teasing him a bit. "Well, it's a little hard to not take 'I hope you can find something puritanical enough for you to illustrate' personally."

Remus cringed, meeting Sirius' eyes. "Sorry?  To be fair you  _ had  _ just humiliated me in front of my best mate." 

"It's alright, I was pretty snarky myself.  And sorry for the eavesdropping as well." Sirius shrugged, offering the other man a smile.

"What's done is done, I guess.  I mean, we  _ were  _ speaking in a public place, so I suppose can't blame you for overhearing.   But you certainly rose to my challenge, Sirius."

The force of Remus' bright smile and his name on those plump pink lips caused sudden butterflies to take flight in Sirius' stomach. He was glad his voice managed to remain even. "Well, I couldn't let you keep thinking I was a  _ prude  _ now, could I?"

Remus glanced back at the drawing, a rendition of himself pulling another man behind a tall set of speakers, with concertgoers just a few feet away.  The scene itself appeared fairly innocent until looked at more closely. The faceless stranger had one hand down the front of Remus’ jeans, but it was the lascivious smirk and the cast of Remus’ eye that caught the attention. 

Remus’ voice broke through Sirius’ thoughts. “Interesting choice.”  

“Is it now?”

“I mean, it’s still fairly innocent, but it definitely garners attention,”  Remus elaborated.

He didn't know why the comment nagged at him, but it did.  Sirius didn't think Remus  _ meant  _ it negatively, and he certainly didn't want to start another argument when they had begun to get along. He mustered a smile. "That was precisely my intention."

Remus looked at him curiously but didn't say anything.

Depositing his tablet in his bag, Sirius stood and gathered his things. "Thanks for letting me sit with you.” 

He stood still for a moment, eyes flicking between a dimple in Remus' cheek and the teeth nipping at his lip ring. Remus glanced up and their eyes met,  an amused glint in his stare as he noticed Sirius' obvious fixation.

Fighting the impulse to smack himself for ogling so blatantly, Sirius awkwardly cleared his throat. "So, I've got to run... Still have to finish the sketch and get some other work done, but yeah, good running into you.  I'll, um, get the proof to Pettigrew by tomorrow if you're good with the subject of the sketch."

Remus' grin grew at the rambling speech. "That works, yes.  And the  _ subject  _ is fine by me."

Sirius had never been so glad that he didn't blush easily. "Good then, I'll be seeing you I'm sure." 

He had already started to walk away when Remus called after him: "See you soon,  _ Sirius _ ."

The way he spoke his name made Sirius' heart race; he paused and only managed to say, "Ta,  _ Remus _ ."

He'd never left a place in more of a hurry.

 

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

 

"Lily, open the damned door already!"

"I'm coming, you big baby!" answered a muffled voice.

A few moments later the door opened, and a slim redhead in jeans and a tank top stood in front of him with a scowl on her face. "Don't you have a key?"

He frowned and pushed past her into the flat.  "I'm having a crisis here, and you ask me where my key is?" He dropped his jacket and bag beside the sofa and threw himself down dramatically, flinging an arm over his face. "Lilypads, I am so fucked."

Lily pushed him aside and sat down.  "Fucked in a good way or a bad way because there is a major difference, love."

Sirius settled into Lily’s lap.  He took her hand and placed it on his head, pouting.

Used to his dramatics, Lily sighed as she carded her fingers into his hair.  "Tell me, darling, what seems to be the problem?"

"I got a little stuck, working this morning, and needed to clear my head. So I went to this little coffee shop down the street from my new flat.   _ He  _ was there, Lils."

"He who, Padfoot?"

"Remus!"

Sirius could hear her knowing smirk as she asked,  "The writer?"

"Yes, the stupid pretty boy who made me feel so much like a fool that then I acted like one!"

Lily bit her lip to keep from laughing. "You're going to have to elaborate, love."

Frowning, he snuggled closer to her. "I didn't see him at first, but when I did, I knew I had to go over and at least try to clear the air a bit.  And he invited me to sit with him. We actually had a nice time talking."

"I'm failing to see the problem here, Sirius.  So far, we've got a good-looking man you are obviously attracted to, who you had a good time with.  I need more to find out how you mucked it up."

He lifted his head from her lap and glared up at her.  "Why are you so sure I mucked it up?"

Lily arched a brow and just stared at him.

Sirius huffed a breath. "Fine, I didn't exactly muck it up, but I  _ did  _ end up embarrassing myself,"  he admitted. "We both apologised for previous behaviour, and hey, give me some points for that because you  _ know  _ I don't usually apologise. We wound up talking about how he invents stories about random strangers.  It's actually adorable, Lils."

Lily grinned. "Adorable, huh?"

Sirius nodded, closing his eyes for a moment to savour the relaxing feel of his best friend's fingers running through his hair. "It's cute. He makes up little backstories to people he sees. It's quirky, but he has a good imagination."

"Well, I would hope so, he  _ is  _ a writer."

Sirius swatted her hand. "Shush, I'm speaking here.  Anyways, so I ended up showing him the preliminary sketch for next week's column, and he said it was ' _ an interesting choice _ '."

"Uh-oh. Tell me you didn't rise to the bait."

"Well, that's the thing.  I don't think he was baiting me." Sirius confessed. "I think he was just surprised at what I chose to depict."

"Show me."

Sirius sighed, but got his tablet out and pulled up the sketch, reluctantly handing it over to her. Then he closed his eyes and waited for her reaction.

"Hmmm… Well, he's right.  It  _ is  _ an interesting choice."

" _ Lilypads _ ..." Sirius warned.

"No, hear me out," she said, returning the tablet. "While it's not the porn you accused the poor bloke of, it's definitely sensual.  I mean, look at the expression on his face. Pads, you stopped doing portraits because certain people were pushing for you to do more sensuous pieces and now you do this?  Does he know why you stopped—"

"No," Sirius cut her off. "And I see no reason to enlighten him."

Lily said nothing for a moment before carefully prodding, "I assume this is Remus in the sketch."

"It is."

Sirius heard her humph and looked up.  " _ Lilypads _ ..."

She started laughing. "Oh, you have it so bad for this bloke."

"You think?" he asked sarcastically. 

"Well, by this drawing I can see why; he's incredibly fit. Now, would you like to elaborate on how you made a fool of yourself or should I tease you some more, first?"

Sirius grabbed a throw pillow and swatted her with it; Lily’s giggles returned in full force. "Fine!  When I was about to leave, I may have been a bit distracted by his dimple and his lip ring, and he may have caught me staring.  He looked  _ ever  _ so amused—and then, of course, I just started rambling like a right git."

"Sirius Black not being smooth and debonair?  What is this world coming to?" Lily teased.

"Make fun of me all you want, but I know he was laughing at me!"

Lily smiled, running her fingers through his hair gently.  "Sirius,  _ did  _ he laugh or are you just exaggerating?"

"Okay, he didn't laugh outright, but I could tell he was definitely amused and caught me ogling." 

"Alright love, I'm going to give you some advice and you're not going to like it," Lily warned, her tone gentle.

Grabbing one of the sofa pillows, he wrapped his arms around it as he looked at her. “It's never stopped you before."

"I know you had a disastrous first meeting with this Remus guy, and that things haven’t gone much better since, but you obviously have a crush on him.  It's great that you were able to talk today and hopefully start building a good working relationship. But I think it's best you  _ leave  _ it at that: just work."

Sirius didn't say anything for a moment, looking into her bright green eyes. "I know that's probably best, but—"

"No buts, Sirius," Lily interrupted, her eyebrows raised and her tone stern. "I am your agent, listen to me. This is a great opportunity for you to relaunch your brand and expand your market.  A fling with the fit co-worker with an attitude problem isn't conducive to furthering your career."

Sirius groaned, clutching the pillow tighter. "I know you're right, I do.  And I do know this is an excellent opportunity and I really do want it to work.  I  _ don't  _ want to go back to portrait work, and this is new and fun and challenging... but  _ fuck _ , Lils.  He's so bloody hot!"

Laughing, she took Sirius' hand and squeezed it. "I know, love, and you can still drool over him in private all you want to. Just try not to jump the bloke, alright?"

Sirius rolled his eyes exasperatedly. "I do have a bit more self-control than that, Lils."

She quirked a brow. "I'm not sure if you do, especially when it comes to this Remus.  I can't wait to meet him. Imagine, a man who can actually turn the infamous Sirius Black, renowned gay Lothario, into a whimpering mess."

Sirius stuck his tongue out at her, and Lily laughed, squeezing his hand again before standing up.  "I'm going to go and make us some tea, and then we can go over the prospectus I received from that ad agency, alright?"

He nodded, laying back on the sofa as she walked into her kitchen.  He knew her advice was solid, and listening to Lily had never led him astray, but he’d never felt something like this for someone so quickly before.

It was more than Remus being fit. Sirius itched for more of that sarcastic humour, for the funny stories, to learn more about him and find out what made him tick. Something about Remus intrigued him—it had since the moment he'd locked eyes on him.  Still, Sirius knew Lily was right that he should keep things strictly professional—even on the slim possibility that Remus  _ was  _ interested in him. 

Sirius sighed, covering his face with the cushion. It was easier said than done, he thought, as an image of Remus flashed into his mind. " _ Lily _ ..." he whinged. "Did I mention his curls?"


	4. Four

Sirius handed the bartender his credit card to start a tab and looked around the crowded pub as he waited.  Once the drinks were in hand, he made his way to the corner booth where Lily was waiting for him. 

"Here you go, Lilypads." He placed the rum and coke in front of her and slid into the horseshoe booth, shuffling until he sat next to her. "Strong drink for a strong lady."

She smiled and kissed his cheek. "You know me so well, love."

Taking a sip of his drink, he looked around the pub. "Bit crowded for a Thursday night, isn't it?"

"It is.  At least we snagged a booth; don’t want to be stuck on one of those piddly stools all night.  I’ll brave the crowd after the day I’ve had. I  _ need  _ this bloody drink."

Putting his drink down, Sirius threw his arm around Lily, pulling her close and placing a kiss on top of her head.  "Tell me all about it, and I'll pretend to have a solution."

She rolled her eyes, chuckling.  "Oh, it's nothing too awful, just Petunia, which, well... you know, is always bad in some way."

"Ah, what's your annoying sister making you miserable with now?" 

"Her wedding," Lily sighed and took a long drink.  "You know she made me bridesmaid even though we both know neither of us want me there, and we spent the day looking at dresses. They're hideous!  After dragging me to shops all day, she finally decided on this horrible pink monstrosity with ruffles! I have  _ red  _ hair, Pads!  Do you have any idea how horrid I'm going to look in that dress?"

He huffed a laugh. "Knowing Tuney, she picked the dress for that sole purpose.  Can't have the bride outshone by the much more beautiful bridesmaid, don't you know?"

She shrugged. "I know it's silly to be upset about something so trivial, but she's my sister.  I was hoping her wedding would bring us closer together, not be a chance for revenge of some sort."

Sirius pulled her back into his side and leaned his head on top of hers. "I know, love, but we both know Tuney loves you even though she has a shit way of showing it.  You'll see. Everything will be fine." He pressed another kiss to the top of her head. "You'll shock her by looking beautiful in the horrible dress and by plastering a smile on your face when she marries that miserable oaf.  Then she'll see you would do anything for her, and she'll stop being such a bitch."

"That will be the day!" Lily snorted.

"We really need to stop meeting up like this."

Both were startled, looking up at the two men who stood in front of their booth.

Sirius fought back a grin at seeing the man in front of him. "Remus!"

Remus smiled, but Sirius could see the suspicious glint in his eye. "Strange running into you yet again."

"Now who's stalking?" Sirius quipped, one eyebrow raised.

James chuckled.  "I can guarantee there’s no stalking involved, since it was my idea to come to this pub." 

Sirius tore his gaze away from Remus and nodded towards the other man. "Dr. Potter.  Good to see you again."

"Black."  James stretched his arm out and shook Sirius' hand. "But call me James. I'm off duty now and not really looking to intimidate you with my title this time."

"Duly noted.  It's Sirius, then." 

James nodded and looked at Lily, a shy smile on his face as he ran a hand through his already messy hair.

Sirius smirked and gestured to his friend.  "This is my best mate and agent, Lily Evans.  Lily, this is James Potter and Remus Lupin."

She smiled politely at James and shook his offered hand, but Sirius saw her appraise Remus as she greeted him. 

While Remus was distracted, Sirius took the moment to fully take him in.  He had appreciated before how attractive Remus was from the first time they had met, but it seemed that every time he saw him he found something new to admire. 

The tawny curls were a bit tamer tonight, but they fell over his forehead, and Sirius clenched his fingers around his glass to keep from reaching out and pushing the soft-looking hair from the man's face.  The green of the jumper he wore made his moss-coloured eyes stand out, and Sirius couldn't help but look down and see how well the tight jeans Remus wore hugged his lean body. 

"Don't you agree, Sirius?"

Visibly startled, he blinked owlishly at Lily, who raised her brow and gave him a pointed look. He narrowed his eyes at her. "I'm sorry, I missed that, what did you say, love?"

"I just said that the pub is so crowded tonight James and Remus probably won't be able to find another seat so I offered that they sit with us."  

Her smile seemed genuine, but he could tell from the glint in her eye that she was enjoying the prospect of watching him squirm.  

Eyes turning quickly to James and Remus, who both looked amused, Sirius nodded. "Sure, of course, why don't you join us?" he said as he kicked Lily under the table, shooting her a quick look that promised retribution later. 

"If you're sure you don't mind, we'd love to!"  James grinned, sliding into the booth next to Lily before Remus could answer.

Remus shot his friend a look and then sighed softly, taking the last available seat. . . right next to Sirius.  He turned and gave him a tight smile. "It's crazy how we keep running into each other now, and yet I'd never seen you before that day in Pete's office."

"Don’t forget I’m new to your neighbourhood,"  Sirius offered, shrugging. "We’ve probably been in line behind each other at Tesco or something at some point and just never noticed." 

Remus shook his head. “No chance. I definitely would have noticed you before.” His face turned red, and Sirius assumed he’d realised the implication of what he’d said and quickly took a long pull from his drink. 

He could have watched the colour bloom in Remus' face all night, but Sirius saw the warning look Lily gave him and changed the subject. "So what made you come here tonight?  You said this wasn't your usual pub."

"That was actually  _ my  _ suggestion," James spoke up.  "I heard one of the nurses in my office talk about how good this place was, and Moony and I were getting a bit tired of our local."

"Moony?"  Lily asked.

James chuckled, and looked at Remus who was rolling his eyes. "Yeah, that's Remus over there.  Gave him that nickname as freshers."

Remus smirked, raising his glass towards James.  "You tell  _ that  _ story and  _ I'll  _ tell them why I call you Prongs." 

"Moony and Prongs?"  Lily grinned, leaning towards Remus conspiratorially. "Oh, come on, we have to hear this! Tell us those stories and I'll fill you in on how Padfoot here got his nickname."

Remus raised a brow. "Oh, this might be worth it." 

Sirius shifted in his seat, trying to put a bit of space between his thigh and Remus’ as the occasional brush kept flustering him.  "Oh, I bet the origin of  _ my  _ nickname isn't as interesting as yours,  _ Moony _ ," he said,  forcing a smile as he tried to not think of the effect of the man’s presence.

Remus waved his hand dismissively at James. "Fine, we'll tell them the story, but only because I want to hear the origins of  _ Padfoot _ ."

James pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose with a grin, settling back against the booth and turning to Lily and Sirius. "What you have to understand first is that the relaxed and oh-so-suave Remus you see today is not the Remus I met back in Uni.  When we were Freshers, he was an uptight bookworm who was hell-bent on actually revising and not enjoying the entire university experience."

"Oh God, because  _ you  _ were so much better," Remus muttered with a snort of laughter..

"There was this party I managed to drag my studious little roommate to," James ignored him, continuing with his story, "and let's just say Moony didn't know how to handle his liquor yet.  I lost track of him at some point during the party, and I ended up going outside to look for him. After a while, I saw him standing over by a bush talking to himself, so I went over—”

“I was really drunk alright?” Remus cut him off, red-faced. 

James waggled his eyebrows and smirked at Remus before continuing. “So, apparently, Remus couldn’t find the toilet and desperately needed to take a piss, but couldn’t get his flies undone. Long story short, he was cursing up a storm and finally had enough. So he just yanked his trousers down to get the job done.”  James paused and leant in towards the others with a conspiratorial smile. “What the poor bloke  _ didn’t  _ realise was that most of the party had spilt outside, and everyone got a vision of the full moon that night!”

Sirius chuckled, and Lily burst out laughing, falling against James for a moment.  She self consciously straightened herself up, and Sirius saw the two exchange a soft smile.  

James winked at Remus, who shook his head in wry amusement. "Laugh all you want, but at least I didn't get my nickname by sitting on a fork and spilling my drink all over the girl I was trying to pull,  _ Prongs _ ."

"Oh, no!" Lily laughed again, covering her mouth with her hands and turning back to James. "Did you really stab yourself with a fork?"

James went to protest, but Remus cut him off. "Oh, he really did!  Had to take him to A&E because he was certain he'd done permanent harm to his arse."  He grinned at the memory, raising his glass to James with a wink. "Turns out the  _ prongs  _ of the fork really did stab him, but the damage was minimal."

James shook his head with mock sadness. "My perfect arse was tarnished forever."

Sirius laughed but was captivated watching Remus, his mirth causing his eyes to shine. Sirius bit his own lip as he watched Remus toy with the ring in the corner of his mouth.  He had no idea why it fascinated him so much, but watching the perfect white teeth nip at the silver hoop caused the butterflies in his stomach—that were always present whenever Remus was around—to do cartwheels. 

He briefly wondered how butterflies managed to do cartwheels without hands, but his thoughts were interrupted by Lily. "That was good, but I think you might be outdone by our Padfoot here."

Sirius glared at her, worrying that she was trying to put Remus off him with an embarrassing story.  "Lily Evans, so help me, if you share that story, I will be forced to reveal your misadventures during Easter hols second year of Uni."

Lily pouted, shaking her head.  "I'm never going to live that down, am I?"  

Sirius winked. "Not as long as I'm alive, love."

"Now, this isn't fair," Remus interrupted, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.  "You heard our embarrassing stories; you should tell yours."

Sirius licked his lips and lifted an eyebrow at Remus. "Oh, but I never agreed to share mine.  You just assumed."

"Well, he does have a point, but I would still love to hear the story."  James leant closer to Lily. "What do you say, Lily?"

Sirius saw her flush slightly under James' scrutiny, and he lunged forward clamping a hand over her mouth. "Table tops, Lils,  _ table tops _ ."

Lily's eyes widened as she glared at Sirius and yanked his hand away. "Point taken."  She turned back to James and shrugged. "Sorry, my lips are sealed."

Remus laughed. "This gets better and better.  Sirius refuses to share, and Lily's story has something to do with table tops." He lifted his now empty glass towards James. "Why don't you get us another round?  Maybe some more drinks will loosen those pretty lips."

James stood up grinning, taking note of everyone's drinks and headed towards the bar. 

Lily looked between Sirius and Remus for a moment before shooting Sirius another warning look. "I'm heading to the loo, but I'll be right back." 

Remus watched her walk away, and a charged silence descended upon the pair.  He finally turned back to Sirius, leaning back against the booth. “So this is a bit awkward, isn’t it?”

Sirius shrugged, smiling.  “Us running into each other all the time or our lack of conversation?”

“Both, I guess?” Remus gave him a tight smile and took another sip of his drink.

Running his finger along the edge of his glass, Sirius tried to come up with a safe topic of conversation.  “Do you suppose the fates are trying to conspire and try to humiliate us further for being such twats to each other?”

“You believe in all that stuff?”  Remus asked, giving him a wry grin. “Also, good of you to admit we’ve both been twats.”

Sirius huffed a laugh and held his drink up in a mock salute. “Here’s to admitting our faults and hopefully overcoming them.”  He smiled as Remus clinked his glass to his own. “But no, I don’t particularly believe in that kind of stuff most of the time. I just don’t really know how to explain how we keep running into each other so often.”

Their eyes met and held for a moment, and Sirius caught his breath. He saw Remus’ eyes darken and the tip of his tongue come out to run across his lower lip, flicking across the silver hoop embedded in the corner.  

Remus looked away quickly, taking a last swig of his drink and setting it down a bit too hard. "I wonder what's keeping Prongs with the drinks?"

Sirius looked across the pub, searching for the tall man with the messy hair.  He finally spotted him leaning against the bar talking to Lily. 

"Ah, well, I see what detained him." Sirius chuckled, pointing towards their friends.

"Apparently we've been abandoned for greener pastures." Remus laughed and shook his head.  "I think Prongs is into your friend."

Sirius watched as Lily smiled up at James and twirled her long, red hair around her finger before taking a sip of her drink. "I think Lils is into James as well.  She's definitely flirting."

"So is James.  You see that grin that looks somewhere between dorky and constipated? That's his 'I'm trying to impress you with my charm' look." 

Sirius threw his head back in laughter. "That is one hell of a look."

"James is a great bloke, but he's not the best with flirting," Remus admitted.

"Well, it looks like it's working.  Is he just trying to pull or what? I may have to get all protective big brother here."

Remus shook his head.  "No worries, James isn't like that.  He's actually been hoping to meet someone for a while now but hasn't had much luck.  He really is a good guy."

"Fair enough."  Sirius nodded. "Lily's a really special girl, and she deserves the best.  Mind you, she’s incredibly strong and won’t take anyone’s shit, but I'm just really protective.  She's like a sister to me." 

Remus smiled at him. "I can see that."

A waitress came by, interrupting the moment, and delivered drinks to their table saying they had already been paid for at the bar.  The two men looked at each other and shrugged. 

"Well, I guess we can't be mad they abandoned us since they sent our drinks over," Remus said, raising his glass to clink against Sirius'.  "Cheers."

"Cheers."  Sirius took a sip of his cocktail.  "So, tell me some more about you. Would be nice to get to know each other a bit since we're working together."

Remus took a sip of his own drink before answering. "Not much to tell, really.  I'm not all that interesting." 

"I've read your columns, and I beg to differ."

Remus rolled his eyes. "That's about as interesting as I get.  I write, I go out a bit, write some more, hang about with Prongs, and that's about it."

Sirius pondered for a moment before asking what had been running through his mind all too frequently since meeting the other man. "I really don't mean this in a bad way, so please don't take it like that, but you seem to have a lot of one-offs if your column is anything to go by.  Do you ever think of just settling down with someone?"

Remus stared at him for a few moments, his expression inscrutable. "I've done the relationship thing before, and it's not really for me.  I just want to have some fun, really. Nothing wrong with that."

"No, nothing wrong with that at all," Sirius assured him hastily. "I’m just surprised, I mean... aren’t all the fanboys chasing you down?"

Remus toyed with his lip ring for a moment before answering.  “My face hasn’t really been out there to link to the column, but I have had a few who’ve realised who I am and what I do.  Those just seem to want to be fodder for the next week’s column.”

“Ah, I see, that kind of man isn’t the type to want a relationship, just a fling with a pseudo-celebrity, so to speak.”

Remus shrugged. “It suits me just fine.” 

Looking at the tense set of Remus’ shoulder, Sirius was about to respond when Lily suddenly appeared in front of their booth.  “I’m sorry to cut this short, but it’s been a long day and I’m feeling a bit tired.” She smiled apologetically at Remus before raising an eyebrow at Sirius. “Do you mind if we head out, Pads?”

James came to stand behind Lily and his grin faltered when he heard her plan to leave. 

“Uh sure, Lils, that’s fine.”  Sirius took a last gulp of his drink and slid around the booth to get out.  

“Do you need a ride home?”  James asked, watching Lily hopefully. “My car’s just outside, I’d be happy to drop you both off.”

She smiled softly at him. “Oh, no, but thank you.  My flat’s nearby, and Sirius has his bike parked there.”

“Bike?”  Remus asked, looking pointedly at Sirius’ leather jacket and smirking. “Why does it not surprise me you drive a motorcycle?”

“It’s not just all an aesthetic, I’ll have you know.”  Sirius grinned. “I really love that bike.”

Shaking his head, Remus' smirk widened, and Sirius was transfixed by the dimple on his cheek until Lily elbowed him. 

“It was really lovely to meet both of you,”  she offered, winding her arm around Sirius’. “I hope you have a good rest of the night.”

James and Remus both said their farewells, and Sirius nodded at them both, his eyes locking with Remus’ once more.  “I’ll see you around I’m sure.”

Remus quirked a brow and smiled. “Fates and all that, right?”

Sirius chuckled and nodded before letting Lily lead him away.

Once outside the pub, she wasted no time in laying into him. “So  _ that  _ was the infamous Remus.”

He sighed, knowing what was coming. “Yes, it was, now go ahead, because I know you’re dying to give your opinion.”

Lily huffed and tightened her grip on his arm. “Pads, I’m just looking out for you.  He seems like a really nice guy, definitely fit, but you know I worry.”

“There’s nothing to worry about, Lilypads,”  he assured her. “I know I have to keep it professional.  Besides, our conversation was awkward as fuck the entire time you were off flirting with his mate.”

“Sirius Orion Black, I was doing no such thing!”

He laughed and nudged her arm. “I saw the hair-twisting at the bar.”

He watched the blush spread on her cheeks as she rolled her eyes. “James is a perfectly nice man, and we were just chatting. You, on the other hand, were practically salivating.”

“I was not!”

She shrugged as they turned the corner to her flat. “Fine, you weren’t actually drooling, but you could cut the sexual tension between you two with a knife.”

“Tension, yes.  Sexual? I don’t think so.”

“I saw you two when I was at the bar talking to James, and it certainly looked cosy.”

“Looks are deceiving, Lils, it was most definitely not what it looked like. Remus is… well, even if he  _ was  _ into me—”  He shot her a quelling look when he saw her begin to argue. “I still wouldn’t do anything because he’s not the relationship type.  He said so himself. He’s just looking for fun, and you know that’s not me.”

She sighed. “I just don’t want you to get hurt, Pads.”

“I know, love, I do.  As much as I admit to having a bit of a crush, it’s obvious it shouldn’t and  _ won’t  _ happen, alright?”

She nodded and pulled the key to her building out of her purse as they walked up to the door.  “Are you staying tonight or are you headed back to yours?”

Sirius grinned. “That depends.  Are you going to admit to flirting with James so I can tease you all night?”

Her eyes widened and she smacked Sirius’ arm playfully.  “That’s it, Pads. Go home!”

He laughed and pulled her in for a quick hug and kissed her cheek.  “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, love.”

She shook her head but smiled as she walked inside. “Good night, love, drive safe.”

Sirius grinned and watched her walk inside, locking the door behind her, then walked down the street to his bike.  He put his helmet on before starting her up and made for home, trying to keep all thoughts of moss green eyes and silver hoops out of his mind.


	5. Five

Remus sat at his usual table in the corner of the coffee shop and tried to concentrate on the article he was supposed to be writing.  Apart from his weekly column, he did freelance work for other publications, and the piece he was working on now was due in a few days. Unfortunately, his thoughts kept drifting to a certain dark-haired artist entirely too often for his liking.

It had been a couple of days since he and James had run into Sirius and his friend at the pub, and despite expecting to run into him everywhere, Remus hadn’t seen nor heard from him since.  He had gotten the final artwork for the week’s column from Peter and had been grudging but swift with his praise about it. He had to admit that Sirius was exceptionally talented and would definitely lead to a spike in interest in his column.  He couldn’t figure out why the man grated on him so much and steadfastly ignored the little voice in the back of his mind—a voice that sounded suspiciously like James—that kept telling him it was because he was so attracted to the artist.

Just as Remus was engrossed in his work again, someone cleared their throat next to him, and he looked up into slate grey eyes.  He couldn’t hold back the smile at seeing the other man, nor a bit of teasing. “Sirius, hello. Fancy running into you here.”

Sirius grinned. “Well, you know, I’ve heard this place has much better coffee than the chain shops so I couldn’t resist coming back.”

Remus indicated the vacant chair across from him. “Care to sit?”

This time, Sirius didn't hesitate in taking the offered seat, setting his coffee and a bag of what appeared to be pastries on the table in front of him.  “I was actually just going to pop in and grab something to take back to the studio and work, but I could definitely use a break.”

“What are you working on now, if you don’t mind my asking?”

Sirius waved a dismissive hand as he took a sip of his coffee. “It’s nothing that interesting really.  I’m working on an ad campaign for a jewellery store that’s launching a Renaissance-themed line. Normally, they would use actual photographs of the pieces, but with the Renaissance twist they’re going for a bit of authenticity in portraying it as art.”

Remus raised a questioning brow. “That actually does sound interesting, to me at least.”

“It’s not boring, but it’s just…” Sirius stopped for a moment as if to gather his thoughts. “It’s not really captivating me, to be honest.  It pays the bills though, so I can’t complain.”

Remus took a sip of his own drink and watched as Sirius opened the bag of pastries, wanting to ask him more about what he actually wished he was working on but didn’t want to overstep and possibly instigate another argument now that they seemed to be getting on well.

“Would you like one?” Sirius held out the bag towards Remus. “They’re chocolate-filled croissants, and I may have gotten a few too many.”

“Chocolate?”

“Do you like chocolate?” Sirius shook the bag in his direction.

Remus sighed and took one of the croissants out of the bag, inhaling the rich, sweet aroma.  “You’ve discovered my greatest weakness here.”

“Ah, a chocolate fiend!”  

Remus took a bite of the flaky pastry and rolled his eyes exaggeratedly for Sirius’ amusement, earning him a laugh.  He swallowed the delicious morsel and smiled at Sirius. “I might have a definite soft spot for chocolate. Thanks.”

“Far be it from me to deny your addiction.” Sirius grinned and took a bite of his own, chewing and swallowing before continuing. “I guess the old adage is true and the way to a man’s heart is really his stomach.”

Remus met Sirius’ startled glance at his choice of words and bit his lip.  “Well, technically the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his chest, but that seems a bit too gory for afternoon tea, wouldn’t you say?”

Sirius nodded and busied himself with another bite of the pastry, but Remus could see the faint flush on his face.  

They ate in silence for a few moments before Remus broke the awkward tension.  “So it seems Prongs was very taken with your friend Lily.”

Sirius took a sip of his coffee and chuckled. “I think Lily was just as interested in James.  I’ve teased her about it a bit.”

"She seems lovely.  How long have you known her?"

"Lils is the best person I know.  We've been friends since primary. Met her when I was about eight, and we've been thick as thieves ever since."

Remus smiled softly.  "That's great. It feels like I've known James all my life, but I don't really have any friends I've known that long.  Lost touch with a lot once I came to the city and went to Uni."

"Where are you from originally?"

Remus grinned nostalgically. "Wales.  Grew up in a small village and headed off to the big city as soon as I was able to."  

"Really?  I can't detect any accent."

"I made sure to lose it as quickly as I could. Got teased a bit when I first got here, but I'm proud to be Welsh."

"I didn't mean it negatively, you just have such a London accent I was surprised.  I've only been out to Wales once, but it's a beautiful area," Sirius assured him.

Remus shrugged, his lips curving into a playful smile. "Well, we can't all have as posh an accent as yours."  

Sirius rolled his eyes as Remus continued to tease him. "Shouldn't you be in the House of Lords right now, Mr. Aristocrat?"

Tearing his gaze from Remus', Sirius looked down at the table, his shoulders tense.

"Are you alright?" Remus asked. "I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"

"No, it's f-fine, you had no way of knowing."  Sirius shook his head, his smile seemingly forced. "It's just a touchy subject for me."

Remus' brows furrowed in concern. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"It's alright, truly," Sirius assured him. "It's just that technically I _am_ supposed to be a member of the House of Lords."

Remus' eyes widened. "What? You mean—wait.  You're one of _those_ Blacks?"

"That would be my family, y-yes." Sirius gave him a tight-lipped smile. "Well, _was_ would be more accurate since I don't really speak to them any longer."

"I'm so sorry, Sirius, I had no idea."

He shrugged and smiled softly at him. "It's alright, I know you didn't know.  It's ancient history, really."

Their eyes met, and Remus was entranced by the pain he saw in the silvery depths.  He wanted to comfort him, but his self-preservation instincts kicked in and he knew he was already on a slippery slope when it came to his feelings towards the other man.  He bit his lip and looked away, breaking the moment.

He heard Sirius huff a laugh and looked back at him.  “Ah, even the mere mention of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black can kill the mood of a conversation. I’m glad I left at sixteen or I’d be even more of a wanker than I am.”

Remus looked at him curiously. “Sixteen?  Where did you go, if you don’t mind my asking?”

Sirius’ smile this time was soft and genuine as if he was recalling something happy. “Lily’s, of course.  The Evans’ took me in when I ran away and became my surrogate family. Well, to be fair, they’d pretty much been my family since I was eight, but they did everything but formally adopt me.”

“That’s wonderful, Sirius. I’m really glad you had her.”

“I was really lucky actually and not just in having the Evans’ and Lily especially,”  Sirius explained, his fingers tracing the pattern on the outside of his paper coffee cup.  “My Uncle Alphard and I had been close when I was growing up, and he was nothing like the rest of my family.  He was a really great bloke, and he set me up financially when I left so that I could finish school.”

“That was really nice of him.”

Sirius shrugged. “The Evans’ aren’t exactly well-off, though very comfortable, and I know they wouldn’t have bat an eye at having to support me financially as well, but thankfully, Uncle Al paid for all of my schooling and set me up a private account so I didn’t have to worry about money.  Honestly, I was so happy to be away from my folks that I don’t think I would have minded living on the streets.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you didn’t have to.”  Remus smiled. “Did your uncle get any grief from the rest of your family for helping you out?”

“Did he ever!  But Uncle Al never cared.  He said the only thing the rest of them were good for was producing good-looking children.”  Sirius laughed at the memory then his face turned more solemn. “He passed away a couple of years ago and left everything to me.  That didn’t go over too well with the rest of the family, but there was nothing they could do about it. Good ol’ Uncle Al, sticking it to them one last time.”

“I’m really sorry for your loss.  It must have been nice to still have some blood family, especially since he sounds so amazing.”  

Sirius smiled and nodded his head. “Thanks, he really was a good man.  I do miss him, but I still talk to one of my cousins, Andy. She’s another Black family sheep.  Refused to consent to an arranged marriage and married for love instead.”

“Your family still does arranged marriages?” Remus asked incredulously.

Sirius smirked. “Oh, Remus, you have no idea the ridiculous traditions the elite still uphold.  It’s sickening, to be honest.” He leant forward with a mischievous look in his eye. “You want to know the secret to all the good-looking offspring, myself included of course?  Inbreeding.”

Remus’ jaw dropped. “You’re joking.”

“My parents are first cousins.” Sirius shrugged, his face set in a grimace. “Keep the bloodlines pure and all that nonsense.  We’re all pretty to look at, but half of us are batshit crazy.”

“Wow, makes me glad I’m just a poor Welsh boy.” Remus sat back in his chair, shaking his head. “I’ve heard of the Blacks, of course, who in England hasn’t?  But I never knew they were quite so... sordid.”

Sirius quirked a brow and grinned. “I could tell you stories that would make your hair curl even more.”  He tugged lightly on one of the curls on the side of Remus’ head.

Remus looked up and met Sirius’ eyes, the other man’s hand still gently caressing the curl between his fingers.  His breath hitched as he saw a flicker of unmistakable desire in the mercurial depths which Remus knew was mirrored in his own.

Snatching his hand away quickly, Sirius sat back and grabbed his drink and stood up. “Well, look at that.  Time got away from me.” He opened his mouth for a beat and then closed it again and cleared his throat. “’Scuse me. I only came in for takeaway and—I’d better go and get back to work.”

Remus nodded mutely and watched the other man turn to walk away.  “Wait!”

Sirius turned back, eyebrows raised.

“You forgot your bag.”  Remus held out the forgotten bag of pastries.

Sirius gave him a tight smile and nodded, taking the bag from him, their fingers brushing lightly. “Ta, Remus.”

He could only stare at Sirius’ back as he walked away and out the door, trying to ignore the lingering heat on his cheek where Sirius’ fingers had brushed as he had toyed with his hair.

 

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

The lights in the club flashed, and the music pounded a driving beat as Remus made his way to the bar.  He managed to push his way to the front and caught the bartender’s eye, ordering a Jack and Coke, before leaning back and observing his surroundings.

He’d only been in the club for about a half hour but had already turned down two offers for sex. He’d danced with one man who had caught his eye, but when the brunet had pressed close the man’s breath had driven Remus back.  He was definitely out to pull tonight, but he did have standards.

The bartender appeared with his drink, and after Remus paid him, he leant back against the bar once again and took a sip, relishing the cool slide of the liquid down his throat.  

“Well, well, look who we have here!”

Remus startled at the voice in his ear and turned to see a petite brunette grinning up at him. “Dorcas!”  he enveloped the woman in a quick hug.

“It’s been much too long, how are you?” Dorcas shouted to be heard over the music.

“I’m good, how have you been?  Where’s your other half?”

Dorcas leant closer so they could hear each other better. “I’ve been great, really.  Business is booming so I can’t complain. Marlene is getting us drinks, but I saw you over here and had to come over.  I left her at the other side of the bar with a friend of ours.”

Remus grinned. “I’m glad you saw me, it’s been ages since I’ve seen either of you.  It’s good to see a familiar face in here.”

“I’ve missed you, Re.  I know after—well, _everything_ you felt like you had to make a clean break, but I hope you know we’re more your friends than we were ever his.”

Remus pressed a swift kiss to the top of her head.  “Thanks, Dor. I know, and I’m sorry. I really meant to keep in touch, but you know how things go sometimes.  It was my fault for not making the effort.”

Dorcas shook her head and gave him a stern look. “Don’t you go taking all the blame here, Remus.  We could have made more of an effort as well, but we weren’t sure if you’d want us to.”

“Well, why don’t we forget all of it and just pick up where we left off?”  Remus smiled. “I really did miss you both.”

Dorcas’ reply was cut short by someone throwing themselves against Remus, their arms wrapping around his neck, and almost spilling his drink. “Remus!”

He chuckled and set his drink down on the bar next to him before wrapping his arms around the tall blonde. “Hey, Marlene.  So good to see you!”

Marlene pulled back and glared at him, poking him in the chest a few times as she spoke. “You can not let this long go by without calling us again, Re!”

“Ouch, point taken, Marlene!” He laughed. “I promise, I will be hounding you both often from now on.”

“Good, you’d better!” Marlene grinned and looked around.  “Where’s James?”

“He didn’t come out with me tonight.  He’s pulling a shift at the hospital so it’s just me by my lonesome, I’m afraid.”

She looked him up and down taking in his tight skinny jeans and a black vest, his dark blond curls tousled, and she smirked.  “You won’t be alone long tonight, Re. Looking good, my friend!”

Remus rolled his eyes and laughed.  “Well, that _was_ the idea, Marls, but don’t go flirting with me in front of your girlfriend.”

“Oh no, we’re so rude!”  Dorcas exclaimed. “Re, we have to introduce you to our friend here!”  She turned around and pulled someone forward, and Remus’ heart stuttered, his eyes roving over the tall figure clad in tight leather trousers and a dark grey vest that showed off his trim physique.  

“Remus, this is our friend—”

“ _Sirius_.”  

Sirius looked at him, a wry grin on his face. “Remus.”

Dorcas and Marlene looked between the two, confused.

“You know each other?” Marlene asked.

Remus nodded, his eyes still locked with Sirius’. “We’re working together.”

The women exchanged a pointed look as they watched the two men stare at each other.

Marlene broke the prolonged staring contest with an incredulous “ _Just_ working?”

Both Sirius and Remus turned to her with matching quizzical looks.  

Sirius asked, “What do you mean, Marls?”

Marlene smirked.  “Well, you said you’re working together, but you were looking at each other like you wanted to tear what little clothes you have on off each other, so I’m asking: is it just work or are you fucking too?”  

They both stared at her in shock while Dorcas giggled.

Remus recovered first.  “Marlene! What the fuck?  We’re just colleagues!”

Marlene scoffed and raised an eyebrow. “Then why were you looking at him like you wanted to eat him up?”

“I was _not_!” Remus sputtered, eyes wide.

“Marlene, this is a bit much even for you!”  Sirius shook his head.

“Oh, please, don’t get me started on you.  You looked at Re like he was a tall glass of water in the middle of a desert.”

“For - for - for _fuck’s_ sake, Marls, I did no such thing!  I w-was just shocked to see Remus here is all.”  Sirius exclaimed, taking a sip of his drink and glaring at Marlene.

“Same here.  I just didn’t expect to see Sirius with you two.”  Remus turned to Dorcas with a beseeching look. “Can you put a muzzle on your girlfriend?”

“Fine, fine, deny it all you want.” Marlene grinned. “I’m just glad to see you again, Re.”

Remus shot her a withering glare. “I _was_ glad to see you until now.”

Dorcas stood on her tiptoes and kissed Remus’ cheek.  “Ignore her, it’s what I do.”

“Fine, sorry I asked,” Marlene grudgingly said. “How about I get the next round to make up for my big mouth?”

Sirius chanced a glance at Remus whose face was still beet red before nodding at Marlene. “Sounds fair to me.”  

Marlene ordered another round of drinks while Dorcas led Remus to a table she had spotted in the corner. “So what have you been up to, Re?”

“Work is pretty much it lately, to be honest.  What about you?”

“The gallery has me insanely busy, but Marls and I just bought a flat, so you’re going to have to come see it soon. We haven’t had a proper housewarming yet, so maybe we’ll do that soon.”

“That sounds great and I’m so happy for you two.” He had always been fond of the two women and despite Marlene’s earlier embarrassing comments, he usually loved the blonde’s uninhibited nature.  He didn’t want to add fuel to the fire, but his curiosity was peaked. “Is the gallery where you know Sirius from?”

She grinned knowingly. “No, though I’d love for him to do a show if I can ever convince him to.  We’ve known Sirius since secondary actually. He and his best mate, Lily, were good friends of ours all through school.”

“Oh, I’ve met Lily, she seems great.”  He waggled his eyebrows. “Prongs has a thing for her.”

“You’re kidding!”  Dorcas bit her lip, thinking for a few moments. “You know, I think they’d actually make a great couple.  Speaking of, you know Remus, Sirius is a great bloke…”

He held up a hand. “Dor, I’m going to stop you right there.  Sirius does seem like a great bloke, but I’m not interested.”

“But Re— “

“No buts, Dorcas. We’re working together on my column for the foreseeable future and I don't mix business with pleasure,”  he stated firmly.

She frowned but relented. “Fine, I just want to see you happy.”

He opened his mouth to answer but was interrupted with Marlene and Sirius arriving with their drinks.  Marlene handed them around and raised her glass. “Cheers!”

They clinked glasses and drank before Marlene practically chugged hers and set it down with a squeal. “Ooh, I love this song!”  She grabbed Remus’ hand. “Come dance with me, Re! I know you’re an amazing dancer!”

He chuckled and took a last sip of his drink, set it down and let her lead him out to the dance floor.  

She threaded her way through the dancing throng until she found a bit of a space and turned back to Remus with a wiggle of her hips. “Show me those moves, Re!”

He threw his head back laughing at his friends’ antics as she started to gyrate wildly to the beat, and Remus let himself get lost in the music. He loved to dance and, even though he’d been thrown off kilter by Sirius’ presence earlier, he was glad he’d run into his old friends.  

By the time the song merged into the next one, Dorcas and Sirius had joined them on the dance floor, and it took every ounce of Remus’ concentration not to openly stare at Sirius dancing.  He’d found him exceedingly handsome every time he’d seen him, but tonight with his toned body on display and his hips moving to the music, Remus was sure he’d never seen a more breathtaking man.

His hair was loose around his shoulders and as he covertly watched while he danced with Marlene, Sirius reached into his back pocket and pulled out a hair tie, wrapping his long, dark hair into a simple bun at the back of his neck.  Remus’ eyes were drawn to the many tattoos that were visible on his upper body that he’d not caught a glimpse of until tonight. He could make out what looked like a tribal band around his left bicep as well as words written across his right shoulder, but couldn’t read what they were.  He bit back a grin when he saw the shape of a lily visible on his chest where his vest dipped low and a set of pawprints on his right arm.

His attention returned to Marlene when Dorcas slid behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist. “No fair hogging my girl, Re!”  she yelled over the music.

 

 

He laughed as Marlene turned around to dance with Dorcas, but his grin faltered when he locked eyes with Sirius who was still dancing, one eyebrow raised as if in challenge as he looked at Remus. He bit his lip ring self-consciously as he debated the wisdom of dancing with Sirius, but his thoughts were interrupted by a hand gripping his arm lightly.   

He turned and looked at the handsome stranger who was smiling at him and leant into his ear to speak.  “I’ve been watching you. Care to dance?”

Remus looked the other man up and down appreciatively, the smile on the blond’s face growing when Remus nodded and turned to face him fully.   He wasted no time in snaking an arm around Remus’ waist and pulling him closer, his blue eyes meeting Remus’ as they moved to the music.

He ignored the twinge of guilt he felt at ignoring Sirius, but he knew it would be too tempting to dance with Sirius so he focused on the fit man who was grinding his hips against his own and wrapped his own arms around the blond. He was a great dancer, and it didn’t hurt he was very easy on the eyes, so when he leant in to ask Remus his name he didn’t hesitate in giving it.

“I’m Benjy,” the other man spoke directly into his ear, his lips grazing the skin and causing Remus to shiver.  

He smirked at Benjy as he slid a knee between his legs and ground their hips more firmly together.  He looked up and saw Sirius dancing, a tall brunet behind him, his hands tightly gripping Sirius’ hips as they danced. Their eyes met and held even as the man behind Sirius whispered something into his ear, a smirk appearing on Sirius’ lips at whatever had been said.  

Remus could feel Benjy’s arousal pressed against him as they continued to grind in time to the music, but his own lust flared watching over Benjy’s shoulder as Sirius tilted his neck, grey eyes still locked with Remus’ and the other man pressed a kiss to Sirius’ skin.  He bit his lip ring, toying with the hoop and saw Sirius’ eyes flicker to it, and Remus smirked as Sirius’ nostrils flared and met his eyes once more.

He felt Benjy’s hands slide down and grip his arse, and Remus bent down, eyes still focused on Sirius, to speak in Benjy’s ear. “Want to get out of here for a bit?”

Benjy pulled back and raised an eyebrow.  “What did you have in mind?”

He merely grinned and stepped back, flicking one last glance at Sirius who was still watching him, and took Benjy’s hand leading him through the crowded dance floor.  He heard Marlene call out a “Have fun!” over the music as he led Benjy towards the back and down a long hallway until it opened up into another large room with dozens of alcoves seemingly built in.  

He could hear and see other couples enjoying the somewhat seclusion as they walked by, and he pulled Benjy into the first empty one he found and backed him against the wall.  

The blond wasted no time in leaning forward and capturing Remus’ mouth in a searing kiss, his hands once again gripping Remus’ arse.  He could taste the sweetness of rum on the other man’s tongue, and Remus pressed himself more firmly against him, his cock hard and seeking friction.

He broke the kiss and nipped a trail across Benjy's jaw, sucking at his pulse point while running his hands under the man's shirt and up his firm stomach to tweak a nipple.  Benjy gasped and rolled his hips into Remus', the hard length of his cock against his own causing a hiss to escape Remus' lips.

He could hear strangled moans and the sounds of flesh slapping together from whoever was in the nearest alcove, and it spurred his own need. The mere thought that someone could hear him and Benjy, or possibly see them, made his aching cock impossibly harder.

Their movements became more urgent, and Remus slid his hand down to grip Benjy's erection through his jeans. Benjy threw his head back against the wall, groaning as Remus unzipped his flies and slid both his trousers and pants down past his arse, gripping his length firmly.  

Remus grinned as the other man claimed his mouth again, making short work of Remus’ own jeans and pants, finally freeing him.  Remus couldn’t help but moan as Benjy’s hand wrapped around his thick cock, pumping it slowly as he devoured his mouth.

Pulling back slightly to catch his breath, Remus rested his forehead against Benjy’s, his own hand working over the other man’s length.  His mind kept wandering back to the main room of the club, where Sirius had been dancing, and he shook his head slightly to clear his thoughts and focus on the sexy blond who was working his prick over.

“ _Fuck_...  that feels so good,” Benjy groaned, his head rolling back as Remus swiped his thumb over the tip of the man’s cock.  

Remus met his gaze as they both sped up their movements on each other’s pricks, the lust-blown pupils of Benjy’s eyes almost obscuring the bright blue, and Remus bent forward again to kiss him and drive all thoughts of slate grey out of his mind.  He felt Benjy tense and moments later felt his release spill warm over his hand.

Benjy tightened his grip on Remus, his tongue swiping at the ring on the corner of Remus’ mouth. “Come for me.”  

The guttural command sent Remus over the edge, groaning his release into the other man’s mouth.  Slightly dazed from his orgasm, he pressed a brief kiss to Benjy’s mouth and rested his forehead on the shorter man’s temple, both panting for breath.

After a few moments, they pushed off the wall, and Remus reached into his back pocket where he had a packet of tissues, handing one to Benjy.  

Benjy raised an eyebrow. “Prepared, are you?”

“Better to be prepared.” Remus smirked.

Their eyes met and held for a moment before they cleaned themselves up and adjusted their clothing.  Remus was about to open his mouth to say goodbye when Benjy surprised him.

“Listen, Remus… I know this was probably a one-off and that’s fine, but if… Well, if you ever feel like getting together again, call me.”  He pulled a card out his pocket and handed it to Remus who glanced at it briefly before placing it in his pocket.

He didn’t think he’d ever use it, but there was no need to tell Benjy that. “Sure, yeah.  I will.”

Benjy grinned and started to walk away but turned back and pressed a last kiss to Remus’ lips before winking and walking back the way they had come in.

Remus stood there stunned for a moment before shaking his head, a wry smile on his lips as he made sure his clothes were in order.  He chucked his tissues in the nearby bin and made his way back out to the main club area, scanning the room for his friends.

He saw them back at the corner table they’d been at before, and he bought another drink at the bar before heading towards them.  

Marlene spotted him first, a sly grin on her face as she greeted him.  “Back already, Re? Pretty-boy must not have been very good.”

Remus rolled his eyes and took a sip of his drink, careful to avoid looking at Sirius.  “That’s none of your business, Marls.”

“We thought you’d left,”  Dorcas piped in, smiling at Remus.  “I’m glad you came back.”

“I just needed a bit of fresh air.”

He heard Sirius’ snort and finally looked at the other man, sitting on a stool across from him. He raised an eyebrow. “Alright there, Sirius?”

Sirius stared at him for a moment, his grey eyes cold. “I’m fine, just never heard a hook-up referred to as _fresh air_ before.”

“I never said I hooked up, and even if I did, what business is it of yours?”

He watched Sirius take a long pull from his cider before he deigned to answer. “Oh, it’s definitely none of my business, I just thought you were hanging out with your friends and not _working_.”

“Excuse me?”  Remus’ eyes widened indignantly.  “ _Working_?  Are you implying I’m a bloody prostitute?”

Sirius huffed a harsh laugh. “Oh, no, Remus, of course not. You don’t charge for your services.  Or wait—you _do_ get paid for the column you put all your sexual escapades in, don’t you?”

Remus tried to fight his growing anger, but the sneer on Sirius’ face enraged him more. “You’re a fucking twat, Black.  A hypocritical one, at that. I seem to recall you’re getting paid for the artwork for my so-called _sexual escapades_!”

“Oh, that’s right!  Maybe I should thank the bloke who just got you off?” Sirius took another pull from his cider before slamming it down on the table, his eyes hard as flint as they met Remus’ and stood up. “Would you like to take me back to where you just fucked that bloke so I can get the details right for my piece?”

Remus ignored Marlene and Dorcas’ pleas for them to both calm down, and he stepped closer to Sirius. “You really are a bloody hypocrite, aren’t you?  I saw you getting some action on the dance floor before I left!”

“I was _dancing_ not fucking some random bloke in a back room!”

Remus grinned maliciously. “Is that the problem, Sirius?  You wish it was _you_ I was fucking back there, not a random bloke?”

He watched with satisfaction as Sirius’ eyes widened, nostrils flaring, before he pressed closer to Remus, his striking features twisted in anger. “Listen up, Lupin, and listen well.  I wouldn’t t-touch a slag like you with someone else’s cock, so get whatever idea you have about me fancying you out of that thick head.”

He felt as if he’d been punched in the gut with those words, but Remus refused to let Sirius see how his comment affected him.  “Oh, don’t worry your pretty little head, Black. The last thing I’d ever do is want to touch a sodding twat like yourself. I prefer _real_ men who can satisfy me, not a bloody prude.”

He turned to Marlene and Dorcas before Sirius could respond and kissed them each on the cheek.  “It’s been lovely girls, but I’ve got to run. I’ll give you a call this week.”

Dorcas gave him a pleading look. “Re, please don’t leave.  I don’t know what’s gotten into Sirius— “

He held up a hand to cut her off. “It’s fine, Dorcas.  Sirius is just being the twat I knew he was. Don’t worry about it, it’s between him and me, nothing to do with you, love.”

Marlene hugged him.  “Remus, just don’t disappear on us, alright?”

He kissed the top of her head before stepping back. “No worries, love.  I really will call you this week.”

Remus forced a smile at his friends before turning back to Sirius.  “Black.” He turned to walk away, but Sirius called his name and he turned back. “What?”

Sirius smirked, pointing at the hem of Remus’ shirt. “You missed a spot.  Black lights are a bitch, aren’t they?”

He glanced down at his shirt where, sure enough, the club’s lighting showed a tell-tale stain of the come he thought he’d cleaned up.  Practically vibrating with anger and humiliation, Remus sneered at Sirius. “Fuck you.”

He turned and pushed his way out of the club, but he swore he heard Sirius call out behind him. “You wish!”

  



	6. Six

The harsh sound of his phone ringing startled Sirius awake.  He groaned and rolled across his bed to the nightstand, where the annoyingly persistent sound was coming from, and saw he had five missed calls and eight text messages. 

"Hello?" His voice was still thick with sleep.

"Well, it's about time you answered!"

Sirius sighed, rolling onto his back and flinging his arm up to cover his face from the harsh glare of the sun streaming in through his bedroom window. "What's wrong?"

"Are you kidding me right now?"  Lily's voice was shrill and indignant.

"You woke me up, I have a bloody horrible hangover, and you're yelling at me.  No, I'm not kidding you, what is wrong?"

"I spoke to Dorcas this morning.  She said you had  _ quite  _ the evening."

Flashes of memory from the night before and his argument with Remus came flooding back. " _ Fuck _ ."

"What the bloody hell were you thinking?" Lily practically growled. "Dorcas said you two were eye-fucking, and then next thing she knew you were calling him a prostitute!"

Sirius sat up slowly, wiping his hand over his face as if to clear the cobwebs. "I don't know, Lils, I just—fuck, I just snapped."

"You just  _ snapped _ ?"

"Look, I know it sounds bad, but I was with Marls and Dorcas, and they spotted a friend across the bar and it turns out it was Remus.  I was in a bit of shock, but things were fine... at first, anyway," Sirius tried to explain.

"Go on,"  she prodded.

"We were all drinking and dancing and there was this moment where I thought—ugh, it's so stupid, but I thought we were going to dance together and then some bloke comes over and starts mauling him."

" _ Mauling  _ him?"

He rolled his eyes and groaned, the movement making his head hurt more. "Well, not mauling per se, but they were all over each other dancing."

"So you were jealous?" 

"What? NO!"  he exclaimed then thought better of it and shrugged. "Well, yeah, maybe. Whatever, the point is he disappeared with the idiot and then came back half an hour later looking well-fucked, and he was being all coy about it and shit and—fuck I don't  _ know _ , I snapped, alright?"

Lily sighed heavily on the other end of the line. "What did I tell you about being professional with Remus?"

"I know, Lils, I know.  It's just... I couldn't help it.  I know it's just work, and I have to focus on that, and fucking hell, I probably screwed it up with the nasty fight we got into, but I couldn't help it!"  He was silent for a moment, his fingers tearing at a thread on his duvet. "I know in my head that I shouldn't feel anything for him. It's got to be work and that's it, and I know I keep fucking it up, but, damn it, Lilypads, there's something about him.  I just can't help it."

"Did you really ask him to take you back to where he was with the other man to get the artwork right?"

Sirius winced, recalling that particular comment. "Yeah, I did.  Among many other choice sentiments."

He could practically hear her shaking her head. "Oh Pads, you've got to fix this."

"I know, I know.  I'll talk to him. Apologise."

"If he's willing to talk to you at all at this point."

Sirius groaned again.  "Can you not make me feel any worse about this, please?  I know I fucked up."

"I'm sorry, love, that's not what I'm trying to do,"  Lily assured. "If it's any consolation, which it shouldn't be after everything we've talked about, Dorcas is pretty sure he's just as into you as you're into him."

"That really doesn't help."

"I know, Pads, but it might mean that he's willing to at least hear your apology and maybe you two can find a way to get along."  He heard Lily sigh and take a deep breath. "Alright, you're not going to like this, but I'm going to say it anyway."

Sirius huffed a laugh. "When did that ever stop you before?"

"Shut it, you.  Marlene and Dorcas said you had yourself quite the time after Remus stormed off.  Said you were hooking up with some bloke there on the dance floor?"

Sirius thought back and brief flashes of a man with dark curls and a blinding smile grinding into him on the dance floor came flooding back.  He remembered both Marlene and Dorcas laying into him the moment Remus stormed off and the guilt about all he'd said immediately taking root. He had downed two more drinks in quick succession after assuring his friends he would make things right with Remus and then had hit the dance floor to try and forget about the horrible fight.  A handsome man had approached him, and they'd danced for a bit before they were snogging in the middle of the dance floor. He remembered threading his fingers through the man's curly hair and thinking of honeyed curls falling over green eyes before letting the other man lead him off to a secluded corner. 

"Oh  _ fuck _ , yeah… yeah, I did."

"That's not like you, Pads."  Lily's voice was soft but firm. "The girls said they tried to get you to stay with them, but you refused and went off with the bloke for a while.  They were worried, but said you came back not long after."

"I-I didn't have sex with him. He tried, and we did stuff, but not that. I stopped things before they went too far."

"That's good, I guess, but Pads, I'm worried about you.  You're not one to hook up with random men in a club. You dance, you flirt, you may snog a bit, but you never go get one off with some man you just met."

Sirius thought back to the other man, whose name he couldn't even recall being offered, on his knees in the back room of the club, Sirius’ cock in his mouth. Though he had been certainly enjoying it, all Sirius could do was look around and wonder if this was where Remus had gotten off earlier. "I know, it was just—it was an off night.  I fucked up royally, I know."

Lily was silent for a moment before responding.  "Alright, enough. You've beaten yourself up about this enough and I've given you enough guilt.  You're going to fix this with Remus and you're going to learn how to push this crush aside and try to have a good working relationship with him.  Alright?"

Sirius smiled softly. "Yes, Mum."

"Stop it, you heathen.  I'm being serious."

He chuckled.  "I thought I was Sirius."

"Padfoot, that joke got old in primary school.  Here's what you're going to do. You're going to go take a shower and eat some greasy hangover food and then you're going to find Remus and apologise.  Then you're going to come over to mine, we're going to have a relaxing evening just the two of us and you're going to let me indulge and set you up with this bloke I know you'll like."

He shook his head. "You want to set me up on a blind date? Are you crazy?"

"Sirius Black, you need to get over this thing you have for Remus and I think in order to do that you need to date someone so you can focus on that and move on. Plus, it's not a blind date, you've met him before."

"Lilypads, your taste in men is not exactly mine.  Who is this bloke that you've apparently decided is perfect for me?"

"Well, I didn't say he was perfect, but he's a good man, very handsome, and has asked about you a few times," Lily assured.  "Do you remember Fabian Prewett, my friend from my business classes?"

Sirius thought back and an image of a tall man with red hair and a bright smile was brought into focus. "I think so.  Ginger? Funny bloke with a twin brother?"

"Yes!  That's him."  He could hear her smile. "We've kept in touch and I know he had a crush on you back in Uni but you were dating Caradoc and he's always asked about you.  I think you two would really hit it off. "

"Fine, we can talk about it later tonight."  Sirius sighed. "But right now I'm going to go take that shower and get some paracetamol before my brain leaks through my eyes."

Lily laughed. "Alright, love.  I'll talk to you later. You know I love you, right?"

"I know, Lilypads, I love you too."

He hung up the phone and looked through his missed calls and text messages, most from Lily, but a few from Dorcas and Marlene.  He sent them both a quick text assuring them he would fix things with Remus before getting up to take a shower.

He still felt the ball of guilt at his actions the night before in the pit of his stomach, but after a long shower and a quick breakfast at least he physically felt better.  He knew a text or email wouldn't work for the apology he had to make so he steeled himself for a visit to the coffee shop in hopes that Remus would be there.

Sirius walked to the shop slowly, mentally rehearsing everything he would say if luck was on his side and Remus was actually there, but when he walked inside the quaint shop and actually saw the man in question, his back to the door, sitting at a table in the back, his mind blanked.  He went straight to the counter and ordered a coffee and some chocolate croissants and hoped Remus' weakness for chocolate would help him out.

Order in hand, he made his way to where Remus sat and took a deep breath, clearing his throat to get Remus' attention.  The other man looked up from his laptop, eyes narrowing when he saw Sirius there.

"Black?  Have some more insults you forgot last night?"

Sirius held out the bag, a sheepish smile on his face. "Peace offering?"

Remus just stared at him, his expression unreadable.

"Look, I know I made an arse of myself.  Can I sit?"

Remus shrugged. "Suit yourself."

Sirius sighed and sat down across from him, his stomach in knots.  He placed the bag and his coffee down on the table and met Remus' hard gaze. "I wanted to apologise for, well, all the ridiculous things I said last night."

"Oh?"  Remus sat back and folded his arms. "You mean calling me a whore and a prostitute yet again?"

Sirius grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck.  "Yeah, that. Plus all the other insulting things I said.  I really am sorry. I was drunk and not thinking rationally."

Remus stared at him for a long moment and then rolled his eyes. "Well, I guess I said some things that were just as bad."

"We were both twats, but I started it," Sirius admitted. "I didn't mean it.  I was just—a bit pissed off."

"Why?"  Remus asked, his face confused. "Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot and we were both twats as you said, but why were you so angry?  I thought we were starting to get along."

Sirius looked down at his hands.  He couldn't think of any other explanation other than the truth and he didn't know if he should admit to it, but he didn't know what else to say. "Well, this is a bit hard to say and  _ fuck _ … I don't know why the bloody hell I'm actually telling you this, but you at least deserve the truth about why I was such a berk.  You um, well, you kind of hit the nail on the head last night. About me."

Sirius could feel his face redden under Remus' scrutiny as he glanced up and met the dark green eyes he couldn't get out of his mind.

"I did?  About what?"

"You're going to make me say it, aren't you?" Sirius sighed at the blank look on Remus' face. "Fine.  Ugh, this is hard to say, but I—well, I f-fancy you." He rubbed the back of his neck again and avoided Remus' eyes as he spoke. "I know it's stupid and we work together and you don't feel the same way and I get it, I d-do.  But that's why I was so pissed last night. I was, I was jealous, alright?"

Sirius chanced a look up at Remus and saw the other man's eyes widen, his face incredulous.  "I'm sorry to lay that on you, but you at least deserve to know why I was such an utter wanker last night and I'm sorry.  I know it's not mutual and that I have to be professional, and I-I swear I will be. From now on, I won't let it affect me and I will be completely professional and I'll get over this crush, I mean, I  _ am _ , I will be, I'm letting Lily set me up with this bloke, and I promise—"

"Sirius, stop." He looked up and met Remus' amused grin.  "Do you always ramble when you're nervous?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You have no idea."

"Well, stop already. It's alright," Remus assured him. "Fuck, it's flattering really. I never, well, I mean, I just said that to rile you up, I didn't think, I never thought you'd—"

"Now who's rambling?"

Remus smiled but quirked a brow. "You really are a wanker."

Sirius shrugged. "One of my finer qualities, I'm sure."

"Look, it's fine. Like I said, I never thought that's what it was. I mean… look at you."

It was Sirius' turn to raise a brow. "What's that mean?"

Remus' face flushed, but he shook his head and went on. "You know you're good-looking, so shut it."

"Yeah, I've been told, but what does that have to do with anything?"

Remus huffed exasperatedly. "Sirius, I never thought someone like you would, well, like someone like  _ me _ ."

"Are you having me on?" Sirius saw the genuine incredulity on Remus' face. "Remus, you're  _ fit _ , alright? I mean, I've already dug this hole for myself so I might as well be blunt. You're bloody fit and there's a reason you have men throwing themselves at you in clubs and everywhere else."

Remus scoffed, but Sirius held up a hand. "Look, don't give me all that self-deprecating shite when a bloke who just admitted he has a crush on you tells you you're fit, because you are. But it doesn’t matter, I know this has to be professional and I've done a crap job of that until now and that will change, I promise."

He just looked at him for a few moments before nodding. "Alright."

"Even if this wasn't one-sided, I'm not into one-offs and I like being in a relationship and you yourself said that wasn't your thing. So yeah, I promise to keep things strictly professional," Sirius assured him.

He watched Remus bite his lip ring thoughtfully and Sirius' stomach lurched, the butterflies once again doing gymnastics. Why did the man have to be so bloody sexy when he was trying his damnedest to fight the attraction?

Remus' voice was hesitant when he spoke. "We could try to be friends, I guess. I mean, we are working together and  _ fuck _ … this is awkward."

Sirius laughed. "You're telling  _ me  _ this?"

Remus smiled and met his eyes. "Can we put this all behind us then? I'm sorry for what I said as well."

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, I can do that. And thanks. For the apology."

"Friends?" Remus held his hand out.

Sirius looked at it for a brief moment before grasping Remus’ hand with his own and shaking it.   “Friends.” 

He held onto Remus’ hand for a beat too long, entranced by the odd look in Remus’ eyes, but released it with a hesitant smile.  “So, um, as  _ friends _ , can I ask if you’re working on your column there?”  

Remus nodded.  “Yes, just finishing it up really.  I’ll send it to you once it’s done.”

“Great, then I’ll get started on the illustration.  Can I… Is last night in there?”

“Uh yeah, it is. A bit.”  Remus shrugged, grimacing. “I don’t use real names in my column if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Honestly, I’m more worried about reading about how much of an arse I was from your point of view than anyone knowing it was me.”  Sirius sighed, running a hand through his hair. “But no worries, mate, I deserve it.”

Remus waved his hands in the air, a wry grin on his face. “Stop with the whole taking blame thing.  You’re making me rethink my whole stance of you being a twat!” 

“Ah, before you know it you’ll be thinking I’m a decent bloke!  What would the world come to if we actually got along?” Sirius laughed.

Remus rolled his eyes, but the smile stretching his full lips made Sirius’ stomach clench.  He stood up abruptly and cleared his throat. “So I guess my mission is complete. I’ve apologised, made a right tit of myself, and we’ve agreed to be friends, so I think I should get going before I do something else to make you think I’m a git.”

He watched Remus lick his lips slowly and nod. “Just to be clear though, you didn’t make a tit of yourself.”

“Matter of opinion, mate, but thanks.”  Sirius shrugged, his eyes lingering on where Remus’ teeth toyed with the silver lip ring. 

“Thanks for the apology and—well, the  _ explanation _ .”

Sirius swallowed hard, his heart thudding against his rib cage as he met Remus’ fathomless green eyes.  “Y-yeah, well. I best be off. Thanks for hearing me out.”

Remus nodded, smirking.  “I’ll see you around, I’m sure.”

Rolling his eyes, Sirius grabbed his coffee cup and headed towards the door when he heard Remus call his name.  He turned back to see Remus holding up the bag of croissants.

“You forgot these.”

Sirius shook his head, smiling softly.  “Nah, peace offering I said. Besides, I hear chocolate is one of your weaknesses.”

He grinned at the smile on Remus’ face and left before he could say anything else foolish.

 

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

 

That evening, Sirius was on his way to his favourite Thai restaurant when he almost collided with James Potter.

“Sirius!”  The dark-haired man greeted, a smile on his cheerful face. “What are you doing here?”

Sirius grinned, shaking the outstretched hand.  “I’m actually picking up some Thai and on the way to Lily’s.  What are you doing in the neighbourhood?”

James held up a bag with a smirk. “Our friends have the same taste apparently.  I just picked up an order and I’m headed to see Moony.”

“Ah, but I bet Remus isn’t into the spicy stuff like Lily is.”

“You’d be wrong, my friend.”  James laughed and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Remus’ taste buds must be burned off by now because the hotter the food is the more he enjoys it.”

Sirius grimaced. “Lily’s the same way.  I’m not into that much spice myself, but to each their own.”

He watched as James shuffled his feet for a moment and run a hand through his hair.  “Um, speaking of your friend, Lily, do you… I mean, do you think—”

“James, are you going to ask me for Lily’s number?”  Sirius grinned, watching James squirm.

The other man blushed but nodded. “Yeah, would that be alright?  I mean, I really liked talking to her the other night and she seemed great.”

Sirius quirked a brow. “You planning on faffing her about?”

He bit his lip when he saw James’ eyes widen and shake his head. “No, no, I swear!  I just want to get to know her better. “

Sirius laughed and shoved his arm playfully.  “I’m just having you on, mate. Remus said you were a stand-up guy and were interested in Lils. Yeah, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind you having her number.”

James sighed with relief. “Oh good, thanks, mate.  I wanted to ask her the other night, but you both left abruptly so I didn’t know what to do.”

Sirius smiled and recited Lily’s phone number as James punched it into his phone contacts. 

“Thanks, Sirius.  I’ll give her a ring soon.”  James grinned. “But uh, hey, do you like football by any chance?”

“I’ve been known to watch a match or two.  Why?”

“Well, I’ve got tickets to a Spurs versus Chelsea match next weekend and Remus hates footie.  None of my other friends can make it so I thought maybe you’d want to go with me?” 

“Ah, so last resort?” Sirius teased.

James’ laugh made Sirius’ grin widen.  “Nah, you seem like a good bloke and it was luck I ran into you.  Thought it could be fun.”

Sirius shrugged.  “Sure, sounds good.  I’ll give you my number and we can make plans to go.  Thanks for the offer.”

When they had exchanged numbers and said goodbye, Sirius walked into the restaurant with a grin on his face.  He couldn't wait to tease Lily about her upcoming phone call. 

  
  



	7. Seven

"You'll never guess who I just ran into?" James walked through the door of Remus' flat and placed the bags he was carrying on the coffee table before shrugging off his coat. 

"Nice to see you too, Prongs, how was your day?"  Remus droned sarcastically from the sofa where he sat with his legs propped on the coffee table, his laptop across his legs.

James laughed and shook his head as he walked through to Remus' kitchen and grabbed two beers from the fridge, opening them and handing one to Remus before he settled down next to him.  "Excuse me, let me start again Mr. Prim and Proper." He cleared his throat and gave Remus a haughty look. "Ah, my dear friend, Remus, how are you this fine day?"

Remus smacked his arm. "Prat."  He set his laptop down and took a swig from the beer before opening one of the bags James had brought.  "Did you get extra naan and the dhal?"

"Am I new here?  Of course I did, you barbarian."  He opened the other bag and handed Remus a container and a fork.  "Here's your Red Curry. Now, do you want to know that I ran into your boyfriend or what?"

"Who?"  Remus dipped the naan in the sauce from his curry and took a bite, looking at James curiously.

"Sirius, of course."

He choked on the bread, James thumping his back before he held up his hand for him to stop.  He took another sip of his beer before looking at James. "What the hell are you on about? You ran into  _ Sirius _ ?  He's not my boyfriend, you git."

James shrugged. "Whatever, but yes I ran into him at the restaurant.  Turns out he has was picking up an order for him and the fair Lily and we chatted a bit.  Asked him to go to the Spurs versus Chelsea game with me as well."

"Sounds like you're the one dating him, mate."  Remus grinned. "What the hell did you invite him for anyway?"

"Well, you hate footie, Frank's busy, and I don't really have a lot of other mates who'd be interested and he seems like a decent sort."

"You literally talked to him all of one night and he and I sat in awkward silence through most of it."  Remus speared a piece of meat and popped it in his mouth, grabbing the remote and turning on the television.

James watched him for a moment surfing channels, eating some of his own dinner thoughtfully before asking. "It bothers you, doesn't it?"

Remus turned to him, one eyebrow raised. "What does?"

"That I asked Sirius to go with me to the match, you git.  It bothers you."

"Why would it?  You can be friends with anyone you want.  Why you'd want to be mates with him I have no clue, but that's your deal."

"You, Remus John Lupin, are a shit liar."  James took a swig of his beer and held it aloft, pointing at Remus with it. "You're doing the whole passive-aggressive thing and I thought you had both decided to try to be friendly and work together last we spoke."

Remus busied himself taking another bite of his curry before he sighed and turned the tv off.  He turned to James and said, "Fine. It's not that the idea of the two of you being mates bothers me, I think you'll have a grand time with him honestly. It's just—well, things are a bit weird between Sirius and me right now."

He nodded sagely, fighting a grin. "Ah, the whole sexual tension thing."

"Yes—NO, you twat!"  Remus shook his head. "Ugh… fine.  So last night I ran into him, Dorcas, and Marlene at the club and things didn't go very well."

"He's friends with Marlene and Dorcas?  Fuck, it's a small world!"

"I'll say."  Remus nodded. "Anyways, things were fine at first and the four of us got a table and had some drinks, we were dancing with the girls and there was this moment… fuck, I know he wanted to dance with me, but I just, I couldn't alright?  I don't think it's a good idea, and then this bloke asked me to dance and I ended up going off with him to the back room."

"So you got laid and left Sirius high and dry?"

"It wasn't like that!"  Remus denied. "I mean… fuck, he looked good and I wanted to—but we work together and it's just a really bad idea."  Remus shook his head and set his food down. "When I came back Sirius and I got into a huge fight and he basically called me a whore."

James slammed his beer down on the coffee table, foam erupting from the top. "That fucking prick!  I'll call him right now and cancel and give him a piece of my mind..."

Remus grabbed James' arm with a laugh and stopped him from getting his phone.  "Stop, you dolt, there's more."

Face red with fury, James exclaimed, "There's more! What else did that twat say?"

"Relax Prongs, I didn't mean it that way, but we both said some nasty things to each other.  Just calm down for a second and hear the rest alright?"

Sitting back, James sighed.  "Fine. But you'd better talk fast because I want to go kick his sorry arse."

"My knight in shining armour."  Remus rolled his eyes with a grin.  "Well, I did end up leaving in a strop last night, but he found me this morning at the cafe and apologised.  We ended up talking for a while."

"And?" James prodded.

"He um… Well, he admitted he was jealous last night and that's why he got so angry."

"Well fuck, I could have told you that. I said that the first time I met the bloke; you're both into each other." James shrugged. "So what now? You two dating?"

Remus scoffed. "Are you crazy? No, we decided to try and be friends."

" _ Friends _ ," James said the word slowly, looking at Remus incredulously. "Look Moony, I know I'm straight and I have a thing for his friend Lily, whose number I now have by the way thanks to Sirius, " he waggled his eyebrows exaggeratedly. "But Sirius is a really fit bloke and it's obvious to anyone even with my poor eyesight that you two want to rip each other's clothes off. So what the fuck are you doing?"

"You're insane, you know that right? I work with him!" Remus explained. "I'm not going to deny that he's fit because he really fucking is, but it's stupid to sleep with someone I work with. I mean, if it went to shit, which you know it probably would, then I still have to work with the bloke! Plus, he only does relationships and you know I don't do that anymore."

James leant back against the sofa and raised a brow. "So now we get to the whole problem."

"What are you on about?"

"The fact that you're scared shitless."

"Fuck you, I'm not scared!” Remus bit out. “I just know it would be hard to work with him once we stopped fucking."

"And what if it was more than just mind-blowingly hot sex?"’

"Prongs—"

"No mate, you're going to listen to me for once, alright?" You’ve had some bad luck with men—”

“Bad luck?” Remus interrupted, his eyebrows raised incredulously.

James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “ Fine, you’ve dated some pieces of shite, but that doesn’t mean all the men you’re interested in are going to be like that. I’m not going to dredge up Rosier… but, Lockhart did a number on you and you haven't been the same since." James held up a hand stopping Remus' protest before it began. "He did and you know it. It's been well over a year and you haven't dated anyone since. I know it fucking hurt, mate, but you have to move on. Not every man is going to cheat on you or hurt you. You just go and fuck all these random guys and while I know you're safe, it's still not good for you."

Remus glared at him, arms folded across his chest. "Your speciality is paediatrics, you twat, not psychology."

James shrugged. "My speciality is my best mate and knowing when he's protecting himself because a sodding idiot cheated on him and destroyed the self-confidence he worked so hard to rebuild."

"Prongs, look, I'll admit he fucked with my head, but I'm better off this way, alright? And Sirius just isn't the right bloke for me."

"He may not be, but you never know if you don't give him a chance. Give  _ anyone  _ a chance really." James reasoned. "At the risk of sounding like a ponce, you have a lot to offer someone, Moony, and I just want you to be happy."

Remus chuckled softly. "Yeah, fine, I'll think about it. But not Sirius, alright?" He saw the quizzical look James gave him. "I know there's…  _ something  _ between us, I won't deny it, alright? But it's just a shit idea to work with him and be involved in any other way. If things go south, then it fucks up my job and I love my job."

"Fair enough. But I still think you need to give dating a shot."

Remus sighed and reached over to the side table and handed James a wrinkled business card. "So uh, the bloke I got off with last night? Benjy? He was interested in more and I was considering giving him a call."

"Really now? That good was he?" James grinned and looked at the information on the card.

"Oh fuck off!" Remus laughed. "He was fit alright, and yeah, it was good, but I don't know... he seemed nice, I guess. I held onto the card even though my first instinct was to chuck it."

"It seems we both have numbers to call tonight."

Remus grinned and thumped James' shoulder. "That's right! Tell me more about how you're going to woo that fair redhead."

"Ah well, Sirius said she was interested as well, so I'm going to give her a call and see if she'd like to go to dinner this weekend."

"Good for you, mate.  Lily seems lovely.”

“She seems the fiery sort and when she and I were talking at the pub she had me laughing quite a bit.  Witty and beautiful, that one.” James leant back with a dreamy smile. “I may have found the future Mrs. Potter, you never know.”

“Slow down a bit there, Prongsy.  You barely know the woman.”

“I don’t know, there’s just something about her.” James sat up again, his eyes bright and intense as he looked at his best friend.  "Haven't you ever just met someone and thought—fuck I don't know, but felt an intense connection? I touched her hand and I swear it felt like a lightning bolt zapped through me.  I can't explain it, really. It's just something I've never felt before. Do you know what I mean?"

Remus shifted uncomfortably on the sofa, thinking back to his initial meeting with Sirius and the handshake where he'd felt the same zing James had described.  He nodded slowly, fiddling with his lip ring. "Yeah... yeah, I know what you mean."

"Moony?" 

Remus glanced up and saw the concerned look on James' face and mustered a smile.  "It's great. I know what you mean and I really hope things work out with Lily. You deserve only the best though, mate, so you know I'm going to have to vet her."

James stared at him for a moment longer, his brows knit together in concern.  "It was Sirius, wasn't it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Prongs."  Remus forced a brighter smile. "I think it's time for you to call the lovely Lily and get that wedding planning started, don't you?"  He stood up and ignored the knowing look James gave him, taking the business card James still held from him. "I'm going to take your advice and give Benjy a call and see if he's up to going out soon."

James placed a hand on Remus' arm, forcing him to stop. "Remus, don't—"

"I know what I'm doing, Prongs. Just… just leave it alright?"

James sat back nodding his head.  "If you're sure."

"I'm going into my room to call Benjy. You'd better have conned that woman into a date with you by the time I get back."  Remus didn't wait to hear James' response and headed into his room, James' eyes boring a hole into his back as he closed the door behind him.

He sat down on the edge of his bed with a sigh, biting the ring on his lip and running a hand through his hair.   _ 'Get it together, Lupin.' _   He rolled his eyes at his own mental pep talk and pulled his phone out of his pocket, staring at the card in his hands.

_ Benjy Fenwick _ , it read.  According to his card, the man was an engineer at a local firm.  Bright blue eyes and a ready smile came to his mind and he remembered how sweet their parting kiss had been.  He took a deep breath and punched in the number and tried to push all thoughts of stormy grey eyes and a wicked smirk out of his head.

  
  


oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

  
  


The last month had flown by for Remus and he took a sip of his coffee, placing it back on the table in front of him and rolled his neck before turning back to his laptop.  The cafe was busy for that time of the morning, and even though the chatter of conversation surrounded him, he had still been able to finish his column a few minutes before. 

He was looking through the piece and making a few edits when a tall figure plopped down in the seat across from him. 

He didn't look up, but a smile quirked his lips as he sensed the other man and he held up a finger. "One second, Sirius."

He finished typing the last edit and sat back, finally looking at the smirking man across from him, his hair pulled back into a bun, customary leather jacket draped across the back of the chair.  "Where's my croissant?"

The smirk grew wider and Sirius slid a bag across to him. "I swear, if my ego wasn't already huge I would think you only tolerated my presence for the chocolate."

"Eh it's a toss up really, but the chocolate does have an edge."  Remus chuckled as he ducked the wadded up serviette Sirius threw at him.

"Git."

Remus grinned and took a bite of the flaky pastry, chewing and swallowing before he answered. "Yup, the chocolate definitely wins."

"My ego shall never recover after being upstaged by a breakfast food." Sirius rolled his eyes with a grin.  "Finishing the column up or something else?"

"Right on the first count.  Just finished editing, so I'll email it to you now."  Remus quickly sent it off and then leant back in his chair. "Got a call from Pete this morning and he's over the moon with the last sales reports.  Says your art has done exactly what he thought it would and  _ The Marauder _ 's still at the top thanks to you."

Sirius shook his head and waved his hand dismissively. "I talked to him as well, and I told him if it wasn't for your articles I wouldn't have the inspiration so it's a team effort really."

Remus smiled and met the other man's eyes with a nod.  "We make a good team then."

Despite his initial reservations, the statement was true and Remus had to admit he and Sirius did work well together.  They had fallen into an easy camaraderie after Sirius' apology and confession. They met up almost every other day at the cafe to go over work and always ended up segueing into an easy conversation for oftentimes hours afterwards. 

The friendship Remus had doubted could happen had actually flourished and he looked forward to his chats with Sirius almost too much for his own liking.  James refrained from teasing about it, but he knew his best mate had also developed a strong bond with Sirius and after the initial football game they both said they had a great time at, the two had gotten together for lunch near James' practice a few times and had gone to another match together since.  It also helped that James had now been seeing Lily steadily for the last month and was incredibly smitten with the redhead who was Sirius' best friend.

"Did James mention going to the pub tomorrow night?" Sirius asked, rolling the sleeves of his shirt up his forearms.

Remus tore his gaze from the tattoo on Sirius' forearm and nodded, looking up to meet Sirius' eye. "Of course, said it's time we all hung out.  He has it so bad for Lily."

Sirius laughed. "Oh Lils has it just as bad, trust me.  I love taking the mickey out of her, but honestly, I'm glad she and James got together.  He's a good bloke and my Lilypads deserves the best."

"Same for Prongs,"  Remus admitted. "I've teased him about it, but I'm really glad to see him so happy."

Sirius leant forward conspiratorially, his grey eyes sparkling with mischief.  "If you tell anyone I told you this I'll get skinned alive, but I caught Lils looking at a bridal website the other day."

Remus' eye widened. "What?  They've only been—"

"No, no, nothing definite yet," Sirius laughed again. "at least that's what Lily assured me of after she threw a few notepads at my head for teasing her, but she says it doesn't hurt to daydream."

"Oh for fuck's sake, at least Prongs isn't alone.  He keeps calling her the future Mrs. Potter."

Sirius shrugged.  "Stranger things have happened.  Be nice for us both to see them together tomorrow though, get both best mates opinions on how well the lovely couple fares."

Remus cleared his throat and took a sip of his now-cold coffee. He met Sirius' eyes and sighed. "Yeah, about tomorrow night… I'll be bringing someone with me."

He watched as Sirius' grin fell for a brief moment, but he quickly masked the shadow that Remus was sure he saw in his eyes. "Oh, um, really?  Like a d-date?"

Remus nodded.  "Yes. His name is Benjy.  We've been seeing each other for a few weeks."

"Good for you, mate.  I thought you d-didn't do relationships, but that's great. Tell me about him."

Even to Remus' eyes, Sirius' smile seemed forced and he couldn't ignore the twisting in his gut at the thought. "Sirius, I don't have to bring him if it bothers you."

Sirius shook his head. "No, it's alright.  We're friends now, right? I should be able to hear about your… boyfriend, don't you think?"

"Sirius—"

Sirius held out a hand and Remus saw the hard glint in his eye. "No, Remus.  It's fine. Tell me about him."

He hesitated for a moment, searching Sirius' face before answering with a slight nod. "Well, his name is Benjy as I said and he's an engineer.  It's been fun, but we've only been seeing each other for a bit now."

"Good-looking I suppose?"  Sirius smiled softly at Remus' nod. "How'd you meet him?"

"Well, we met at the club that night I saw you there with Marlene and Dorcas," Remus admitted, shifting uncomfortably in his chair.

"You met—Wait, was he the guy you went back..."

Remus nodded and Sirius just stared at him in silence for a few moments.  He swallowed hard and his lips pressed into the semblance of a smile. "He must have been good then."

" _ Sirius _ —"

"I'm just kidding, Remus,"  Sirius assured. "I'm glad you hit it off with someone, but I'll admit I'm a bit confused because you said you didn't do relationships."

Remus toyed with his lip ring for a moment, stopping and licking his lips when he noticed Sirius' eyes fixed on his mouth.  "I don't, or well, didn't, really. Thought it was maybe time though and Benjy's a good man. We've been having fun, really."

Sirius looked at him quizzically, "It's not—it wasn't anything I said, was it?" 

"No, not really."  Remus twisted a serviette in his hands. "I just started thinking about things and decided to give Benjy a chance."

Silence fell over the table for a few moments as neither knew how to proceed when Sirius broke the mounting tension.  "Well, that's good. I mean, I hope you're happy… with B-Benjy I mean. You deserve a good bloke."

Remus rubbed the back of his neck. "Sirius, I—"

"I'm glad you told me though because it makes tomorrow a little less awkward."

Remus looked up, confused. "What do you mean?"

"I've been seeing someone too."

"You have?  I thought… I mean, who?"

Sirius shrugged. "A friend of Lily's from Uni. Fabian Prewett.  Apparently, he had a thing for me back in Uni, but I had a boyfriend.  She set us up a couple of weeks ago."

"Oh." Remus nodded, chewing on his lip ring absentmindedly, his eyes trained on the table. "It's been going well then?"

"Yeah, we've been out a few times and we're pretty compatible actually.  It's been good really." Sirius admitted.

"That's good, yeah?  I'm happy for you." Remus closed his laptop and took a last sip of his drink.  "We'll all have a grand time tomorrow night then."

He felt Sirius' silent gaze as he packed up his belongings and stood up, slinging his messenger bag over his shoulder. "I've got to get going though, I'm actually meeting Benjy in a bit."

"Remus?"  Sirius' hand reached out towards him hesitantly, his brows furrowed.

Remus stepped back slightly, his lips quirking in the semblance of a smile.  "We'll talk tomorrow night, then? Looking forward to meeting… Fabian, was it? Benjy's waiting, so I'll see you then.  Ta, Sirius."

Remus didn't wait for an answer and bolted for the door.  He hurried down the street towards his apartment for his non-existent date with his boyfriend and tried to forget the hurt look in Sirius' eyes. 

  
  
  



	8. Eight

“Here you go, handsome, a pint of cider.”

Sirius looked up as Fabian set their drinks down on the table and slid into the booth next to him, a grin on his handsome face.  Sirius returned the smile, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Thanks, love.”

Fabian settled his arm across the back of the booth behind Sirius and took a sip of his beer.  "I didn’t expect it to be so busy this early." He took another sip and set his glass on the table, turning to Sirius again. "I have to admit I'm a bit nervous about meeting your friends."

"Don't be," Sirius assured him. "You’ve already met Lily and I know you'll hit it off with James.  He's got a great sense of humour, right up your alley."

"What about the other one who's coming—Remus, I think you said?" 

Sirius felt a knot form in his stomach at the name. "I'm sure you and Remus will get along fine.  He's James' best mate and he's the one I'm working with at  _ The Marauder _ .  He's bringing his boyfriend, as well." 

Fabian watched as Sirius took a long pull from his cider. "What's the boyfriend like?"

Shrugging, Sirius ran a hand through his hair, loose around his shoulders.  "Only saw him once so I don't really know. They've only been dating a short while."

"There you are!"  Lily interrupted, leaning across the booth to kiss both Sirius' and Fabian's cheeks in greeting.  James shook Sirius' hand with a wide grin and Sirius introduced him to Fabian.

"It's nice to meet the man willing to put up with Sirius here." James winked and then laughed at Sirius' mock outraged expression.

Lily smacked James' arm and Sirius laughed, teasing back. "I'll have you know that I'm a delight and you'd better watch yourself there, Jamie boy, I can always tell Lily some of your sordid secrets."

James let her slide into the booth next to Sirius and then sat next to her.  "You don't even know all of my sordid secrets yet, you prat."

"Ah, but _ I _ do and for the right price I'd be willing to share."

Sirius glanced up at the familiar voice and a smile tugged at his lips as he met Remus' laughing eyes.  "We'll have to talk price then, Lupin."

Remus chuckled and greeted the others before he turned to Fabian and Sirius saw his smile falter for a moment before he reached across the table and extended his hand. "Remus Lupin."

"Fabian Prewett, nice to meet you."  The ginger grinned as he shook Remus' hand.

Remus nodded and then turned to the good-looking blond at his side.  "Everyone, I'd like you to meet Benjy Fenwick." Remus introduced the others and Sirius felt the knot in his stomach tighten as he shook Benjy's hand and the couple sat down across from him. 

"Glad to finally meet you, Benjy," James said. "I've heard… well, not enough about you, actually."

Benjy laughed. "Well, I expected somewhat of an interrogation tonight so feel free."

"Ugh, Prongs, come on, we don't need to do the whole best mate vetting thing, do we?"  Remus groaned. 

Sirius couldn't stop himself from responding. "Shouldn't your friends get to know your  _ boyfriend  _ though?"

The smile on Remus' face didn't match the challenging look in his eyes. "Oh, but Sirius it's only fair if we interrogate Fabian as well, isn't it?"

Fabian chuckled, draping his arm over Sirius' shoulder. "Not a problem mate, I think Benjy and I are in the same boat tonight."

Sirius didn't miss the look James and Lily exchanged, but couldn't quite make out what it meant before James spoke, turning to Benjy. "No interrogation, I promise.  I just want to get to know the bloke dating Moony here."

"I'll tell you anything you want to know, but first I think I could use a drink before you start the third degree."  Benjy grinned. "How about I go get us a round?" 

He took everyone's orders and squeezed Remus' shoulder before heading to the bar.  Remus watched him walk away before turning to Lily. "What I really want to know is how you're putting up with Prongs here."  He waggled his eyebrows. "I know what a pain this one can be."

She shook her head with a smile and leant her head on James' shoulder. "I really have no complaints…  _ so far _ ." 

"I think it's more likely that Lilypads here has him on a tight leash so he's still on his best behaviour. "Sirius teased, bumping his shoulder against hers.

"I've known her for years, James, and I have to say you must be pretty special because she's a picky one,"  Fabian added.

James grinned and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I'd say she's the special one and I'm the lucky one."  He laughed when the others groaned. "Oi, it's true!"

Remus rolled his eyes.  "You are so whipped, Prongs." 

"What's so bad about that?" Benjy asked as he came back carrying a tray of drinks.  He passed them out before sliding back in next to Remus with a smile.

"Apparently nothing because Prongs here is enjoying every moment of it," Remus chuckled.

"So am I,"  Lily grinned mischievously, the others laughing at her facial expression.

Sirius took a sip of his cider and watched Benjy lean in and say something to Remus who blushed and gave him a smouldering look in return.  She must have seen Sirius watching because she squeezed his knee under the table and cleared her throat.

"So Benjy, how did you and Remus meet?"

Remus met Sirius' eyes for a moment before he turned to Lily as Benjy answered. "Oh, we actually met at a club downtown a month ago."  He turned to Sirius with a smile. "I think you were there that night too, weren't you?"

"Yeah, I was."  Sirius offered a tight-lipped smile. 

"You were there, too?" she asked him, her brows furrowed in confusion before it suddenly dawned on her which night they were talking about and her eyes widened. "Oh…  _ Oh _ !" 

She flashed Benjy a too-bright smile.  "Oh, that's great, I mean… that you met and uh, hit it off."

"Oh they certainly  _ hit it off _ ." Sirius smirked, part of him revelling in the glare Remus shot him and Benjy's confused look. 

Remus turned to Fabian, his smile much too innocent for Sirius' liking. "So Fabian, Sirius said you had a thing for him back in Uni.  Were you pining for him all this time?"

Fabian, apparently oblivious to the tension surrounding the other four just laughed. "No, but who could blame me if I had been, right?"  He quirked a brow and squeezed Sirius shoulder. "Sirius definitely caught my eye in Uni and I admit I had a massive crush on him then, but he was in a relationship so I never even tried to ask him out.  When I talked to Lily a few weeks ago and she mentioned she was working with Sirius I did ask if he was single because hell, one doesn't forget a bloke as fit as Sirius here."

Sirius smiled at him. "Well, I'm glad you asked, and Lily got us together. "

"Me too, love." Fabian gave him a quick kiss on the corner of his mouth. "I'm also glad that there's so much more to you than just your handsome face."

"There is?"  she teased. "I've just kept him around all these years as a pretty accessory."

The others laughed as Sirius rolled his eyes.

They fell into an easy conversation after that for a while, ordering another couple of rounds for the table and Sirius had to admit he was having a good time despite the twinge of jealousy he couldn't hold back whenever he saw Remus and Benjy touch or share a private conversation. 

He looked over at Fabian who was in a discussion with James about their favourite football teams and felt a rush of affection for the ginger.  Sirius couldn't deny he still had feelings for Remus, but Fabian was a good man and he genuinely liked him. They had been together almost every other night over the last few weeks and while he did start out using him to try to get over Remus and he felt guilty about that, he was happy Lily had convinced him to go out with Fabian. 

They had an easy rapport right away, chatting over dinner for hours on their first date.  It didn't hurt that Fabian was easy on the eyes; tall and ruggedly handsome with his bright ginger hair, an easy smile, and his stocky build.  He made Sirius laugh easily and they were definitely compatible in the bedroom. When Fabian had asked him if he wanted to be exclusive just a few days ago he'd readily agreed, pushing the flickering thought of honey-coloured curls and a silver lip ring aside and he was truly happy with how things were progressing with Fabian.  If only he could get over his crush on Remus.

That very name snapped Sirius out of his thoughts and he turned to hear Fabian speaking to Remus. 

"I have to say I'm a big fan of your column, Remus," Fabian admitted.  "It's really a pleasure to get to know the man behind the story, so to speak."

Remus flushed, and Benjy looked at him proudly as Remus answered. "Thank you, it's really a lot of fun to write and doesn't feel so much like work, to be honest."

Fabian nodded. "I look forward to it every week. I have to ask though, and I mean no disrespect because I really do admire your work, is everything factual or do you embellish your exploits for the column?"

"No, it's all factual and I write pretty much how things happen." Remus shrugged. 

"Does it bother you at all how promiscuous Remus' columns are?" Sirius blurted out to Benjy without thinking, immediately regretting his words when he saw the cold look Remus gave him and Lily kicked him under the table.

Benjy just laughed and shook his head, meeting Sirius' apologetic glance.  "No, it doesn't really, but to be fair, when I met Remus I didn't know I was talking to the infamous  _ Marauder  _ Lothario."  He gave Remus a fond glance and squeezed his hand that was resting on the table. "I mean, it's a little daunting to be dating someone who is so open about his past conquests, but I'm not jealous.  He chose to be with me now, so it's all good."

Remus smiled softly at Benjy and pressed a kiss to his mouth before he turned to Sirius, his green eyes challenging.  "Not everyone is a prude, Sirius."

"It's not being a prude to be a bit intimidated by your boyfriend's sexual history." Sirius countered.

"Oh, well, I didn't say I wasn't intimidated!"  Benjy laughed.

Remus gave Sirius another glare before his expression softened when he turned to Benjy. "You, love, have  _ nothing  _ to be intimidated by."  Remus raised a suggestive brow, and Sirius' chest tightened as he watched Benjy flush and the two exchange a heated look.

"I guess the column is going to take a different turn now that you're in a relationship?" Fabian asked.

"Well I have to say that this week's column is a bit different than previous ones," Remus admitted. "What did you think of it, Sirius?"

Sirius bit his lip and gave Remus a sheepish smile.  "I have to admit I didn't look at it yet. I was working on another commission today and planned on reading it and starting the illustrations before tomorrow's meeting with Peter."

Remus nodded, shrugging.  "You'll have to tell me what you think when you do read it."

"Your art is truly spectacular," Benjy said, smiling at Sirius.  "I actually looked up some of your other work after seeing your illustrations in  _ The Marauder _ ."

"Thanks, I appreciate that." Sirius gave him a grudging smile.  He desperately wanted to not like the bloke as images of him dancing pressed against Remus flashed through his mind, but he had to admit that Benjy seemed like a nice man.

"Some of your portrait work is absolutely breathtaking.  I actually thought some were photographs, they're just so realistic," Benjy gushed. "Your art really captures Remus' writing so beautifully."

Sirius couldn't hold back the smile at the compliment and nodded his thanks at Benjy. "Well his writing is very evocative and visceral so it's not difficult to translate that to an image, though sometimes it's a bit challenging to decide what scene to actually depict."

"I thought you'd have more of an issue than you've seemed to have had with depicting a few of the more sexual illustrations you've done," James noted thoughtfully. "Has it been hard illustrating that since you were originally opposed to it?"

Sirius shrugged. "Well it's not that I was opposed to it per se, it's just I wasn't sure how graphic they wanted me to get in the art.  Really I just tend to draw the scenes that jump out at me the most."

"Mate, I read last week's column and what jumped out at you the most was Moony getting a blowjob in an alley?" James teased.

"Yes, I mean  _ no _ !" Sirius sputtered, flushing and chancing a glance at Remus who was staring at him, his gaze heated and expression unreadable. "It was just an evocative moment and it's not like I drew the actual  _ sex _ , just… well..."

"Just a bloke on his knees in front of him looking at Remus like he wanted to devour him."  Fabian joked.

"It really was gorgeous though," Benjy added, shaking his head in wonder. "You even captured that feral look in Remus' eyes.  What was the hardest part of that?"

"My erection," Sirius admitted with a shrug, instantly regretting his words as he was met with shocked silence.

The table was silent for a moment before everyone burst into awkward laughter.  Sirius looked at Remus whose face was beet red and they held each other's gaze for a moment before Sirius looked away, catching the inquisitive look Benjy gave them.

"He's amazing, isn't he?"  Fabian caressed the nape of Sirius' neck possessively, making him shiver.

"Ugh stop gushing about him," Lily joked. "His head is already so big he might not be able to leave through the front door!"

"Which one?” Sirius said cheekily, laughing at Lily’s exaggerated eye roll. “Oi, I'm not the one who started this conversation." 

Remus scoffed, taking a swig of his drink. 

"Ah, Remus, I can assure you I have no complaints about size at all." Sirius smirked.

"I'll take your word for it, mate, though it's usually the ones who make assurances that have some  _ issues  _ in that department." Remus challenged.

"Well we're all not lucky enough to be dragged into a back room and made the story of the week for confirmation now, are we?"  Sirius' smirk widened.

Sirius regretted his choice of words instantly as he saw Remus blush and look away and Lily and James exchange a pointed look.  He hoped Benjy hadn’t taken offense, but judging by the way he was glaring at him, his eyes narrowed, he knew he had.

"I hate to be the one to break up this fun evening, but I have an early meeting tomorrow," Benjy said clearing his throat.

Sirius tore his gaze from Remus and met Benjy's cold stare.  He swallowed and leant back against the booth, turning to smile hesitantly at Fabian who was giving him an odd look.

The others began saying their goodbyes after agreeing that it was getting late.  Sirius kissed Lily's cheek and James pulled him into a quick hug before he awkwardly said goodnight to both Remus and Benjy. 

Sirius and Fabian made their way outside and walked the couple of blocks to Sirius' flat in silence, though their hands were clasped together between them.  When they arrived at his door, Sirius turned to Fabian with an inviting smile.

"Are you coming up for a while?"

Fabian shook his head. "I'd better not.  I have an early morning tomorrow as well so I should get some sleep."

Sirius nodded, biting his lip, and wound his arms around Fabian's shoulders.  "Are we alright?"

"You tell me,"  Fabian said, one eyebrow raised, his arms wrapping around Sirius' waist. "Is there something with Remus I should be concerned about?"

"No, nothing.  We just have a bit of a volatile working relationship."

"That seemed a lot more like sexual tension than anything else," Fabian countered. "Do I have  anything to be worried about there?"

Sirius stared into Fabian's bright blue eyes and shook his head, pushing all thoughts of Remus out of his mind.  He wanted things to work out with Fabian. "No, nothing, I promise. It's just a bit of snark is all."

Fabian searched Sirius' eyes for a moment before nodding and capturing his mouth in a heated kiss.  He pressed Sirius against the door as he deepened the kiss, his hands gripping his waist possessively.

Moaning into his mouth, Sirius tasted the liquor on Fabian's tongue and threaded his fingers into the thick red locks at the nape of his neck.  He bit his lip when Fabian broke the kiss and mouthed along his jaw, stopping to suck a mark into the soft skin below his ear. 

He pulled back and grinned at the heated gaze Sirius gave him.  "It's time for me to go, love."

"You're a horrible tease."  Sirius breathed, his fingers still toying with the silky strands of hair.

Fabian pressed another soft kiss to Sirius' lips before stepping out of his embrace. "Always leave them wanting more.  Good night, love," he winked.

Sirius shook his head with a smile.  "Good night." 

He watched Fabian get into his car before going into his building and taking the elevator to his flat.  Once inside, he kicked his boots off by the door and threw himself down on the sofa, groaning as he stretched and rolled his neck. 

Despite the late hour and the fact that he really was tired, he couldn't help himself from grabbing his laptop and searching for Remus' emailed column.  He opened the file and started to read. 

Sirius read through the article and while the tone was the same, the general direction of the column was certainly different. He had a feeling the loyal readers of Remus' column would be both surprised and yet completely on board with Remus' new adventures.

What grabbed Sirius though was how personal Remus got in this column; his writing was always about his life, but in this piece, he was remarkably introspective. Remus' words were like opening a window to his soul and they left Sirius shaken yet wanting to know more.

_ As my readers know, every week I usually discuss my many adventures in dating, or "whoring around" as a friend recently called it. As you can imagine those words stung. I was angry at them for a while, however the more I thought about it and thanks to the wisdom of my best mate whose gloating I will now suffer from, I realise this friend was right. _

_ There's nothing wrong with being sexually active or even promiscuous so long as you're safe and open with your partners, but I know the reason I was adamant about enjoying only no-strings-attached hookups wasn't the right one. It was more a matter of self-preservation that had me enjoying meaningless sex and avoiding any real feelings like the plague. We've all experienced bad relationships and I'll admit I've had more than my fair share of toxic partners, but it's time I let go of past hurts and move on with my life in perhaps a more meaningful way. Sometimes you meet someone who shakes you to your core and makes you question the very things you've convinced yourself are essential to your happiness, and you realise you weren't happy at all, to begin with. _

_ So loyal readers, it's time for this column to take a new direction and one I hope you'll enjoy; yours truly is in a relationship. Can you hear me audibly panicking at the mere thought? Sam, as I'll call him here, is a charming, handsome bloke who apparently needs to have his mental faculties checked for taking a chance on a damaged soul like myself, but I'm grateful for his lapse in judgment. We've been dating for a couple of weeks now and you've actually read about our first encounter in this very column, so the myth that one night stands can't lead to something more isn't always true, as I can attest to. I won't lie and say I'm not nervous about being in a monogamous relationship for the first time in a long while, but Sam's assured me he's willing to tackle my commitment issues. I'm sure the oral sex had something to do with his lowered brain functions at the time. _

_ I hope you'll continue to read my new adventures in monogamy, but buckle up, I'm sure it's going to be a wild ride; and one I'll muck up somehow. _

 Sirius closed his laptop and headed to the bathroom to get ready for bed.  He stripped down to his boxer-briefs and brushed his teeth, padding into his bedroom when he was done and flopping onto his king-size mattress.  He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but turned restlessly, stretching his arm out to the empty side of the bed.

 He'd never been one for sleeping alone as much as he had over the years.  He remembered many nights growing up and crawling in bed with Lily for a reassuring cuddle when his mind wouldn't stop replaying some of the horrors of his childhood.  He knew he was clingy, but the few nights that he'd shared a bed with Fabian recently had been wonderful as he learned that the ginger liked to hold him close at night as much as he liked to be held. 

 He moved to the centre of the bed and tried to get comfortable, wishing that Fabian had taken him up on his offer to come up.  His thoughts somehow led him back to Remus as they too often did and he wondered briefly what he was doing at that very moment. 

 He tried to banish the image of Remus wrapped around Benjy in his own bed, but the guilt coiling in his stomach at wishing the other man was wrapped around him instead of his own boyfriend wouldn't abate. He sighed into his pillow and waited for sleep to claim him.

 


	9. Nine

"I take it sales are going really well by that Cheshire cat grin you're sporting."  Remus chuckled, leaning back and crossing one leg over the other as he sat across from Peter in his office. 

"Sales are far exceeding our expectations and I have both of you to thank for that,"  Peter agreed, smile wide as he looked between Remus and Sirius. "While the rest of the magazine is doing quite well, it's your articles and the artwork attached that are garnering the most praise."

Sirius made a sound of approval. "That's great to hear." 

"Why do I get the feeling there's more?"  Remus asked, eyeing Peter curiously.

"Always the sharp one, Remus." Peter leaned back in his chair, a smug grin on his face "That's because there is more. We were approached yesterday by a very reputable and well known publishing house.  They want to turn your column into a book, Remus."

Remus' eyes widened, completely shocked by this announcement. "They what?  You're kidding."

"No, I'm happy to say I'm not.  As I've said before the market is ripe for LGBTQ media and the publishers are very interested in not only turning the column into a book, but in having you add to it as a memoir of sorts."  Peter explained.

Remus stared at Peter for a moment trying to process everything. "That's amazing, I don't even know what to say."

"Congratulations, Remus, that's fantastic news." Sirius offered, a bright smile lighting up his features as he clasped a hand on Remus' shoulder. "You deserve it."

"Ah, but there's even more." Peter interjected, turning to Sirius.  "The deal includes you as well, Sirius. They love your artwork and want to incorporate it into the book.  The deal is for you both to work together as a team actually."

Remus watched Sirius sit back in his chair looking a bit stunned and grinned. "Looks like congratulations are in order for you as well, Sirius."

Sirius shook his head, still smiling. "This is completely unexpected, but I'm honoured."

"Of course, your respective agents will be getting all the details of the offer and will pass along the information to you. They contacted us first for the rights since the column is technically  _ Marauder  _ property."  Peter explained.  "I don't know all of the financials, but from what I gathered it's quite a substantial offer for both of you, so congratulations boys."

Remus and Sirius looked at each other in disbelief for a moment before Peter continued. "Now Remus, I read next week's column and I have to say I'm intrigued."

"Oh?" Remus quirked a brow.

Peter shrugged. "Normally I'm not one to advocate change unless it's for guaranteed profit, but I think the new angle of you trying monogamy on for a change will certainly attract new readers and engage our current subscribers.  Obviously as a friend I wish you luck in your relationship, but as your editor I'm even more excited."

Remus laughed and rolled his eyes.  "Thanks, Pete."

They discussed a few more details about what the publishers might be interested in, some notes for the upcoming columns and Sirius' accompanying artwork for a few more minutes before they wrapped up the meeting and Peter said goodbye to them.  Sirius shrugged on his leather jacket as they walked down the hallway to the elevator together and turned to Remus as they stepped inside.

"This is a bit unexpected, isn't it?"  he asked.

Remus huffed a laugh. "A bit?  I had no idea it was even a possibility, but I'm thrilled nonetheless. Shit, I love writing articles and my column, but a book?  An actual book?"

Sirius' soft smile ignited the butterflies in Remus' stomach.  "Big dream of yours?"

"Yeah, ever since I was a kid.” Remus nodded.”Most kids dreamed about playing professional footie or being a doctor.  Me? I wanted to walk into my favourite bookshop and see my name on the cover of one of the bestsellers."

"Well it looks like it's finally going to happen." Sirius let Remus exit the elevator first once they reached the ground floor, following behind. "Hey Remus, want to grab some lunch and talk over the plans for the book a bit?"

He knew spending time alone with Sirius right now was a mistake, especially after all the questions Benjy had the night before once they were alone in his flat, but he couldn't stop himself from agreeing.  "Sure, but I get to pick where."

Sirius' grin made Remus' unease worth it. "Sounds good, lead on."

They engaged in idle chit chat as they walked the few blocks to a cafe Remus liked to frequent where they were quickly seated.  Once they placed their orders with the waiter, Sirius leaned back in his chair and regarded Remus speculatively.

"So how do you think you're going to approach the memoir part?  Peter had some interesting ideas, but it's really up to you from what he said."

Remus shrugged. "I don't know really, I suppose I'll hash it out with the publisher, but I think I'm partial to what Peter suggested about adding in my coming out story and life at Uni being bisexual."  He took a sip of the water the waiter had served them and smiled. "For a numbers man, Pete has some good ideas at times."

Sirius laughed. "Well, I have to say his best one yet was hiring me."

"And there's the vain twat we all know and love."  Remus teased, then froze as he realised his words, his eyes meeting Sirius'.  He felt his stomach clench at the heat he saw in Sirius' grey eyes and could only watch as Sirius opened his mouth to say something when the moment was interrupted.

"Sirius?"

Sirius' gaze flew to the man standing in front of their table and Remus watched the colour drain completely from Sirius' face.

" _ Regulus _ ?" 

Remus looked at the man Sirius addressed and he did a double take; he looked like a younger, more formal version of Sirius.  He was tall, his dark hair the same shade of black as Sirius', but cropped short in a stylish cut. He was dressed in a dark suit, tailored to perfection, and the blue of his shirt made the grey of his eyes,  _ Sirius' same eyes _ , stand out all the more.

"Wh-what are you doing here, Regulus?" Sirius bit out.

Remus watched the other man's shoulders sag slightly. "I was having lunch with a colleague and thought I saw you here.  I just… I wanted to see if it was you at least."

"Well now you know it's me, is there anything else you wanted to check on?" Sirius' voice was tight and controlled, but Remus could see the tendons in his neck taught with barely controlled anger.  "Are you planning to report back to your dear old Mum on my whereabouts?"

The other man shook his head sadly. "She's your mother too, Siri."

"Don't call me that." Sirius seethed, trying not to raise his voice and attract attention. "You lost the right to that nickname when you watched me leave."

"What choice did I have? I was fourteen and under their thumb even worse than you were.  You'll never know how much I regretted… well  _ everything _ ."  The man leaned closer to Sirius, his eyes anguished. "I'm sorry, Sirius, please give me a chance to explain and talk to you."

"I don't know what there is left to talk about."

The man looked at Remus suddenly as if just realising he was there.  He shifted uncomfortably, running his hand through his hair in a gesture so familiar because he'd seen Sirius do it the same way many times. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ruin your meal." 

Remus inclined his head, but didn't know what to say amidst the tension of the two apparent brothers. 

The man turned back to Sirius, his gaze hesitant, but inquisitive. "Is this..."

Sirius rolled his eyes, his tone biting and sarcastic. "No, this is not my  _ gay lover _ , you imbecile.  Remus is a friend and colleague." He turned to Remus and nodded his head towards the other man. "Remus, this is my  _ brother _ , Regulus, who I haven't seen in years and he was just leaving."

Regulus closed his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath.  "Fine, Sirius, I'll leave. But first… I looked for you, you know?" 

Sirius' eyes locked on his brothers and Remus could see the tension rolling off him in waves.  "Did you now?"

"Not at first, no.  I was young and stupid… I bought into everything our parents told us, you know that."  He sighed, but went on. "Then I went to Uni and made some new friends who basically kicked some sense into me.  I rebelled a bit too, you would have been proud."

Remus watched Regulus smile wistfully as he looked at his brother, Sirius' face still hard as stone.  "I'm in politics, but I do my own thing. I'm working to change some of the laws our family has helped put in place.  I've tried to get in touch with you several times, but the one time I managed to get a hold of Lily she refused to give me your number."

"Y-You talked to Lily?"  Sirius asked, his voice soft.

Regulus nodded.  "She chewed me out and told me I didn't deserve to talk to you and… Siri,  _ please _ .  Can we just talk?" He looked at Remus quickly, then back to Sirius. "Just us, please?  Give me one chance to prove to you how sorry I am." 

Sirius took the business card Regulus gave him and looked at it for a moment before staring at his brother once again, his gaze softening and his shoulders relaxing slightly.  He licked his lips and nodded. "Yeah, alright. I'll call you."

"My mobile is on the back." Regulus smiled and nodded at Remus briefly before giving Sirius one last look and walking away.

They sat in silence for a few moments, Sirius just staring at the business card in his hands, his expression inscrutable, until the waiter came by to deliver their food.  They ate in silence, Remus trying to respect the privacy Sirius needed to mentally deal with whatever had just happened, until Sirius pushed his barely touched plate away with a sigh.

"I'm... sorry about that," Sirius said quietly.

"Nothing to be sorry about," Remus assured him.  "So that was your brother?"

Sirius nodded, not looking Remus in the eye.  "My baby brother Regulus."

"How long has it been since you've seen him?"

"It's been three years since I saw him through the window of a store in Chelsea, but he didn't see me.  Properly?" Sirius bit his lip and closed his eyes before speaking. "Since the night I was beaten and kicked out of our parent's house on my sixteenth birthday."

Remus' eyes widened and he placed a comforting hand on Sirius' arm. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

The stormy grey eyes met his and Remus sucked in a breath at the pain and sorrow he saw lurking in the depths.  "I've only ever talked about it with Lily, but... I want to tell you, if-if that's all right?"

"Yeah, of course. You can tell me anything." Remus squeezed Sirius' arm lightly and he was a bit surprised at how true his words were.  He wanted to hear anything and everything Sirius had to say to him; he desperately wanted to know what made the other man tick, what could possibly bring so much pain to those beautiful eyes.

Sirius nodded slightly and looked down as he began to speak. "You already know my family is prominent in the upper echelon of politics and society.  My father… He’s a member of the House of Lords and appearances are everything to both my parents. They didn't count on their heir having a horrible stutter that embarrassed them."

"Stutter?" Remus interrupted without thinking. "But you don't stutter."

"I do, actually, it's just n-nowhere n-near as bad as it was when I was a kid.  Until I start talking about it, anyway," Sirius admitted, his gaze rueful as he looked at Remus.  "It usually only happens when I'm really emotional or angry now. I've done it a few times around you,  but I've learnt how to pass it off as thinking time, a change of mind or something in my throat ."

"God, Sirius. I'm sorry, I didn't know."

Sirius shook his head. "I didn't want you to know before.  I've worked really hard over the years to overcome it. My parents put me in therapy, when I was really young, and they couldn't beat it out of me."

Remus felt his blood run cold. "They beat you?"

Sirius nodded and looked down at his lap, his fingers picking idly at a string on his shirt. "They were ashamed of my stutter, said no heir of House of Black could sound m-mentally challenged."  Sirius shrugged, looking off to the side. "They weren’t—It wasn't so bad at first. If I, stuttered badly, my father would rap me across the knuckles with this fancy letter opener he had on his desk.  My mother—she would smack me across the mouth and tell me stop sounding like an imbecile. I tried really hard to not stutter, but I couldn't help it."

"You were a child!  Of course, you couldn't."  Remus' heart went out to the little boy that Sirius was and he had to restrain himself from physically pulling him into a hug. He couldn’t believe he had never noticed his stammer especially because of how noticeable it was now that he was aware of it.  Thinking back he recalled Sirius pausing frequently when speaking or even restarting sentences, but he’d just attributed it to Sirius’ unique style and had never thought twice about it. 

"They put me in all kinds of therapy to cure me, but because of how they reacted when I stuttered, which was most of the time, I developed severe anxiety about it.  I was always waiting for the next lecture about how to be a proper Black, the next screamed insults, or the next physical blow." Sirius took a sip of his water and folded his hands on the table. "When I—It was just as bad at school.  I went to a private primary where a lot of the children of the elite were sent, and I was bullied a lot. I didn't have any f-friends really until Lily came along."

A faint smile pulled at Sirius' lips as he remembered. "Lily started at our school mid year when her family moved into the area.  Even at eight, she was a little spit-fire. I was getting teased by a group of boys during recess and Lily just marched straight into the middle of the group and demanded to know why they were picking on me and she gave them one hell of a tongue lashing." Sirius laughed softly as he recalled. "The boys were terrified of this scrawny little girl with bright red pigtails flying as she yelled at them and they ran away.  She turned to me and asked me my name and informed me that the boys wouldn't bother me anymore as long as she was around so we might as well be friends. I was in awe of her, to be honest. She completely ignored my stammer and true to her word, we became friends,  _ best  _ friends."

Remus smiled at the look of warm affection on Sirius' face as he thought of Lily. Even if he hadn’t been aware of their relationship he would have been able to see it in the way he talked about her and the fact that his stammer disappeared when he spoke about her. He was so glad Lily had come into Sirius' life and his heart ached at the horrible picture of his childhood that Sirius was painting.  "What about Regulus?" he couldn't resist asking.

Sirius' smile turned wistful as he trained his gaze on the table before him. "Reg is two years younger than I am, but he was my best friend before Lily and even after we were still close.  He was the perfect son, or so my p-parents liked to remind me, and I know they wished he was the heir because they told me so often enough. I always protected him from their rage whenever he did something to get in trouble.  I'd take the blame or deflect the situation somehow so he wouldn't bear the brunt of their anger. But as we got older, things started to change a bit."

Sirius rolled his neck, running a hand through his hair agitatedly, and Remus clasped his shoulder to try to calm him.  Sirius gave him a grateful smile before continuing. "I knew I was gay from a young age. I was never interested in girls like the other boys were, but whenever Lily would talk about a cute boy I'd find myself agreeing. I knew if a stutter was horrible to my family, then having their son be gay was even worse, so I hid it.  I didn't even tell Lily for a long time though she knew, way before I actually admitted it when we were about fourteen."

He paused for a moment as if steeling himself. "The day of my sixteenth birthday there was a formal party planned and I was dreading it.  It was just going to be a bunch of my parents’ circle where they'd parade me around as the heir and ask me not to speak much, lest I embarrass them and stutter, though by that point it was more under control.  I had been secretly dating a boy from school and I met him in the park that morning. I thought we were discreet, but Reg must have seen us. Nothing really happened, but we did kiss."

Sirius ran his hands through his hair again and Remus took one of his hands and held it. "You don't have to tell me."

Their eyes met and held for a moment and Sirius squeezed his hand. "I… I want to."  He took a deep breath before continuing, his hand still in Remus'. "Before the party, our parents sat us down to lecture us on what was expected of us and my mother decided to inform me that there were several girls from suitable families that would be present and that it would be in my best interest to court one.  Reg snorted and said something under his breath, but my father heard and made him repeat it. He told them my  _ boyfriend  _ would probably mind my choosing a girl to court.  To be fair to Reg, I hid most of what my parents did and said to me from him so he couldn't… He didn't know what would happen.  He probably thought I'd get yelled at and that was it."

Remus held tight to Sirius' hand, stroking the soft skin with his thumb as he watched Sirius swallow hard.  "They did yell. They asked me if it was true and being the idiot that I was I confirmed it, told them I was gay and that they couldn't force me to date a girl.  I'd never seen them so angry. My father… he hit me…  _ hard  _ right across my face.  Seethed at me that no son of his would be a ponce and a few other choice words.  Mother… She smacked me so hard I bit through my lip."

Sirius squeezed Remus' hand, his eyes shut tight as he recalled that night.  "When they got tired of disciplining me, they sent me up to my room to clean up before the party and warned me that if I didn't fall in line they would make me regret it.  I don't know what got into me, I'd just probably had enough, but I told them I refused to be someone I wasn't and if they didn't like it, it was their problem not mine. So they gave me an ultimatum; do as they said or get out.  I went up to my room, packed a bag and left."

"Oh Sirius..."

"The last thing I saw when I turned around at the front gate was Reg p-pressed up against the front window, staring at me.  I flipped him the v and walked away. I had taken what money I had in my room and I caught the train to Lily's house. I’d already been spending as much time at her house as I could over the years, so when the Mrs Evans opened the door that night and saw me standing there, blood still on my face, all she did was hold open her arms and I practically fell into them.  Lily's family is the only family I know, or at least what a family should be.” 

Sirius sat back in his chair, shaking his head and offering Remus a worn smile. "So that's my sad story.  My parents formally disinherited me and made Reg the official heir. Thanks to my Uncle Alphard I've never wanted for money and he paid for my schooling. But that's why I was so pissed at seeing Reg today.  We haven't spoken since that day. We still went to the same school, but we ignored each other and once I graduated I never saw him again."

"He was just a child, Sirius—"

"I know that now.  There's nothing he could have done and I know he didn't mean for things to happen that way, but it still hurts.  It's why I know I'll call him and try to see if we can have some sort of relationship." He shrugged. "I think that's another reason Lily and I bonded so much.  Her sister's a bitch and they've never gotten along so we sort of clung to each other. Petunia wasn't happy to have me around, but the Evans' took me in and treated me like their son from the first moment I arrived. I think she was probably jealous, but who knows really, it's not like we talk much."

Sirius lapsed into silence again, a far off look on his face as he stared out the nearby window.  It was only then that Remus realised he was still holding Sirius' hand. He closed his eyes briefly and mentally berated himself because though he'd offered the physical contact for comfort without even thinking, now that he was aware of it, the heat from Sirius' hand in his was all he could think about. 

He didn't want to make it seem like it was a big deal because it obviously wasn't to Sirius as he didn't appear to find it as disconcerting as Remus did, but just that simple touch was driving Remus mad and making him wonder if the rest of Sirius' skin was as soft as his hands.  

He tried to slip his hand from Sirius' grasp without him truly noticing, but the moment he moved Sirius' attention snapped back to him.

Sirius looked down at their joined hands and released his grip as if Remus' flesh was brimstone. "Fuck I'm sorry, Remus.  I didn't realise… Thanks for listening."

Remus shrugged and cleared his throat. "It's fine, I just… I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"You must think I'm such a dramatic fool for getting so worked up over seeing Reg."  Sirius rolled his eyes, his jaw clenched. "I should be over this by now, I know. I'm just incredibly stupid and weak when it comes to anything having to do with my family."

"No, you're not."  Remus said firmly. "You're incredibly strong for not only living through that abuse and making something amazing of your life despite it all, but also for being able to share what happened to you.  It can't have been easy to relive that."

Sirius met Remus' gaze and the turmoil he could see lurking in the depths of Sirius' eyes made Remus' heart ache.  "No, it wasn't, but for some reason I wanted—no, I  _ needed  _ to tell you, fuck if I know why.  It's just ridiculous to still be so hurt from something that happened so many years ago."

"That's bullshit."  Remus leaned closer, his hand clasping Sirius' shoulder, unsure if he was offering more comfort to Sirius or to himself as his words struck a chord within him. "Your family who was supposed to love and protect you bloody well put you through hell because you were different and that's just vile.  No child should ever live through what you did, but you didn't just live through it, you fought against it, escaped, and  _ flourished _ .  Fuck, if it was me it probably would have broken me completely!  But, look at you—you're successful, you have a family, a  _ real  _ family that isn't blood, but is real just the same, who loves you.  You're an amazing man to have overcome all that and be who you are today, Sirius.  Give yourself some fucking credit."

Sirius smiled softly, his eyes bright as he looked at Remus. "Thank you.  That... You have no idea how much I needed to hear that."

Remus couldn't help but return his smile and simply nodded.  They looked at each for a moment longer when Remus suddenly realised how close they were.

He bit his lip ring as he felt the air around them thicken with tension and saw Sirius' eyes drift to where his teeth were clamped on the edge of the silver ring threaded through his lip.  His fingers tightened on Sirius' shoulder as he watched the silver eyes darken, gaze locked on Remus' mouth. Remus couldn't help it as his eyes flickered to Sirius' lips and watched as the tip of Sirius' tongue darted out to wet them. He made a soft noise low in his throat at the sight and he swayed closer, wanting to touch, to feel, to  _ taste  _ if those lips were as sweet as they looked.

He didn't remember moving closer, but suddenly his mouth was ghosting over Sirius', hovering, not quite touching, and Sirius' breath was warm against his lips.  He felt more than heard Sirius' softly questioning, " _ Remus _ ?" and he wanted nothing more than to close that hairsbreadth between them. His eyes fluttered closed as he pressed forward that infinitesimal distance and felt Sirius' lips against his, barely touching, but there.

The table jostled against them and they sprang apart, eyes wide as they stared at each other.

"I'm so sorry, sirs, I didn't mean to drop the plate, I was just coming to drop off your cheque."

Remus' eyes snapped to their water who was staring at them apologetically, the plate he'd dropped already back in his hand.  "I'll just leave the cheque here for you, sirs, sorry again." The waiter apologised and left hurriedly. 

Remus grabbed the cheque quickly to have something to do with his shaking hands and pulled some notes out of his wallet and laid them on the table. 

"Remus?" Sirius grabbed Remus' arm as he went to stand up, his eyes still dark and questioning.

"I'm sorry, Sirius… I…  _ fuck _ , I'm sorry."  Remus shook off his hand and stood. "I shouldn't have done that, I don't know what I was thinking."

"It wasn't just you,"  Sirius admitted quietly. "D-don't… just d-don't brush it off."

Remus closed his eyes and swallowed hard, feeling as out of breath as if he'd run a mile. "I have to Sirius.  We... we just  _ can't _ .  It's complicated."

He allowed himself to look at Sirius, who was nodding at him, jaw clenched.  "Benjy," he stated calmly.

Remus' stomach clenched with guilt, not once having thought of his boyfriend, but he inclined his head, meeting Sirius' stare. "Fabian."

They stared at each other for a moment longer, before Remus grabbed his messenger bag and jerked his chin towards the bill.  "Lunch is on me. You can buy a round next time we go to the pub."

Sirius nodded once again. "Sure.  I'll, uh, I'll get you the sketch sometime tomorrow."

"Yeah, that's fine—good.  I'll uh, I'll see you soon."

He didn't wait for a response and walked away, his chest aching, trying to forget the brief taste of Sirius' lips.

 


	10. Ten

Sirius reclined on Lily’s sofa and popped another crisp into his mouth, watching with an amused grin on his face as she tried on yet another dress.

“You do realise that even if you turned up in a potato sack James would think you’re the most beautiful woman ever?”

Lily stopped in front of him, narrowing her eyes as she adjusted the sleeves on the green dress, the fifth she’d tried on already.  “Pads, I’m not trying to impress James, I’m meeting his parents for Pete’s sake! They’re the ones I need to impress.”

“They’re going to love you, you silly woman, so stop fretting.  Their son is head over heels for you and you are an amazing woman. They’re going to love you,” Sirius assured.

“I just…” Lily sighed and sat down next to Sirius, curling up against his side as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “I really like him, Pads, and it’s scary and meeting his parents is scary and I really want them to like me because I think we’re getting serious and that’s scary too—”

“I get it, Lilypads, you’re  _ scared _ .” Sirius laughed cutting her off.  He pulled her against him and kissed the top of her head.  “Nothing I say is going to make you less nervous, but I know you and you’re going to be just fine.  They’re going to love you and insist you marry their son right away.”

Lily smacked his arm. “Sirius Black, don’t you even joke about that yet!”

“Oi, I’m not the one who’s been looking at bridal magazines!” he teased, pushing her away as she tried to hit him again. “Go change your outfit before you wrinkle it!”

She huffed and got up, punching his arm as she walked past. “Ouch, Lils!  Does James know how violent you are?”

Sirius settled back on the sofa with a smile as he looked through his phone messages and waited for Lily to return.  He read the message from his brother and sent a quick text back confirming lunch plans for the next day as Lily came back in wearing jeans and a t-shirt and settled back in next to him, grabbing the bag of crisps off his lap.  

“What’s got you smiling like that?” she asked. “Are you sexting with Fabian?”

“Yes, I’m having phone sex with my boyfriend right next to you, Lilypads.” He rolled his eyes and elbowed her.  “No, silly, it’s Reg. We’re having lunch tomorrow.”

She nodded, chewing a crisp. “How’s everything going with Reg now?  You’re smiling so I’m guessing things are still good.”

“So far, so good.” 

Sirius had been reluctant yet hopeful when he’d agreed to meet Regulus for coffee three weeks prior, just a couple of days after running into him.  It had been awkward at first and neither had known how to begin talking until they’d both blurted out an apology at the same time and had smiled tentatively at each other, successfully breaking the tension.    

Regulus had explained how difficult their parents had been after Sirius had left and how much harder they were on him after that.  He had admitted to how much he resented Sirius leaving though he knew he didn’t have a choice. Reg had also explained how the friends he had made at Uni had changed his perspective not just on the strict and sheltered worldview their parents had enforced on them, but on life in general.  They had made him realise he didn’t want any part of the life their parents had mapped out for him. Left with the choice of disowning their sole heir at that point, they had grudgingly accepted Regulus’ desire to study law and had no choice but to let him forge his own path. 

Regulus had flourished in his career and was active in political circles working for wage equality and workers rights, but what surprised Sirius the most was his involvement with LGBTQIA organisations.  Regulus had admitted he’d realised he was bisexual in university and had a long term relationship with another man. Sirius had been both shocked and proud of his little brother for standing up to their parents and making them recognise his relationship.  It was when Regulus had apologised for outing Sirus that fateful day thirteen years prior that Sirius had grabbed him in a hug and told him he’d forgiven him long ago.

The brothers had talked for hours that day and met several times since, texting when they could to try to mend their relationship and recover the lost years.  Sirius had never realised how large the gap inside him had been until his brother was back in his life; he was happier than he’d been in a long time and the smile on his face as he turned to Lily brought one to her face as well.

“It’s been great getting to know Reg as an adult, though I’m sad I missed so much of his life.” Sirius shrugged. “But we have time now to make up for it.”

“I’m so happy you have him back, Pads.”  Lily squeezed his arm. 

“Me too, Lils, me too.”

Just then Lily’s phone rang and she picked it up looking at the caller ID, her brows knit in confusion. “It’s Remus.  We just spoke this morning about grabbing lunch the day after tomorrow so I hope he’s not cancelling.”

Sirius tried to look unconcerned, but the moment Remus’ name had been spoken his stomach had twisted into knots. After their almost-kiss, things had been a bit strained between them as he had expected. Sirius had tried to bring it up a few times, but Remus had swiftly changed the subject every time and they had slipped back into their comfortable friendship over the last couple of weeks, for the most part. 

Sirius couldn't help remembering how it had felt to have Remus so close; the scent of his aftershave, his warm breath ghosting over Sirius' skin, the gentle feel of his lips barely pressing against his own.  He didn't know if it was the emotionally charged moment they had shared just prior that had made Remus want to kiss him or if it was more than that, but after staying up all that night thinking about it he had tried to put it out of his mind. Deep down in his gut he knew that Remus wanted him, but for whatever reason he wouldn't let himself do anything about it.  Remus was still with Benjy and maybe the sole reason was that he cared for the other man and only wanted Sirius physically. There were times though he'd catch Remus looking at him with an intensity that not only sent shivers up his spine, but also made him wonder if Remus felt more than just physical attraction for him. 

Whatever he felt, Sirius knew it wouldn't end well if something happened between them so he threw himself into his relationship with Fabian. He felt some guilt at perhaps using his boyfriend to get over another man, but he really did care about Fabian genuinely and he truly was happy with the handsome ginger who always brought a smile to his face.  If only he could get rid of his lingering feelings for Remus.

Lily answered her phone with a grin, "Hi, Remus, you'd better not be cancelling our plans."

Sirius watched her curiously and he felt his blood run cold as he saw the colour drain from Lily's face. He leaned forward to place a hand on her knee instinctively.

"What do you mean?" she asked, her voice tight. "Is he alright?... What hospital?... I'll meet you there right away."

She ended the call and jumped up off the sofa, looking around wildly. “Keys, keys…” she muttered to herself.

"Lils, what is it?  Who's in the hospital?"

"We have to go, Pads." She frantically searched the coffee table, then ran to the kitchen counter, shaking her head before running back through to the sitting area.

Sirius grabbed her arms gently, “Lils, stop!  Tell me what’s wrong, let me help you!”

“It’s J-James…” She cradled the phone to her chest.

Sirius’ eyes widened. “James?  What happened?”

"He had a car accident… We have to go.  _ Now _ ."  

Sirius pulled Lily into a brief hug.  "Breathe, Lilypads, just breathe." 

Lily took a few deep breaths as Sirius located the car keys. "Alright, let's go, I'll drive."  He grabbed Lily's car keys knowing she was in no state to ride on his motorcycle and pulled her out the door, locking it behind him.  They didn't speak until they'd gotten into the car and he asked which hospital James was at.

Finally on the road, Sirius asked. “Tell me what happened, is James alright?”

Sirius' breath caught at the anguish in Lily’s eyes.  "Remus didn't know. He got a call from James' mum saying James had been in a car accident and she was on her way to the hospital.  His dad was already there, he's the one who called her. All Remus knew was that Fleamont said James was stable."

Her phone was clutched tightly in her hand and it seemed as if she was just concentrating on breathing. Sirius kept his eyes on the road, but took one of her hands in his and squeezed. "He's going to be fine, Lilypads."

"Sirius… what if..."

"No what if's, James is going to be just fine, he's probably already driving the nurses insane if he hasn't already been released, you'll see."

Lily was quiet for another moment before she spoke again. "I love him, Pads.  I really love him."

He squeezed her hand again. "I already knew that, you silly woman.  He's head over arse in love with you as well, so I'll have no more talk of what if's, you hear?  I fully intend on being your best man at your wedding and the doting gay uncle to all your sprogs.  Just let's pray they have your hair because as much as I adore your boyfriend I wouldn't wish that crazy mane of his on anyone."

Lily let out a surprised laugh and squeezed his hand.  "Thanks, Pads."

He looked over at her as they pulled into the hospital car park. "I'm always here for you, Lilypads."

They parked and got out of the car, hurrying into the lobby and quickly finding out directions to James' room.  They made their way there, exiting the lift on the fifth floor and immediately saw Remus sitting outside a room down the hallway. 

"Remus!"  Lily called and hurried over to him, the other man's arms wrapping around her in a tight hug.

"He's fine, Lily, he really is."  Remus assured as he pulled back from her embrace.  "The doctor is in with him and the Potters right now and he's just come out of surgery.  He broke his leg very badly apparently, but otherwise he's alright."

"Oh, thank God," Lily sighed with relief. "Can I see him?"

Remus nodded. "As soon as the doctor's done talking to the Potters we can go back in.  Fleamont and Effy are with him now and I was only asked to leave because I'm not _family_ , though Effy tried to argue with the nurse." 

"What happened though?" Sirius asked.

Remus looked at Sirius, a bit startled as if he'd almost forgotten he was there, but managed a small smile. "From what Prongs told Monty before surgery, he was on his way home from the clinic and a car lost control coming the opposite way.  Prongs was incredibly lucky because he managed to steer the car just enough to avoid a direct hit head-on and the other car just clipped him on the front side, but it was hard enough to send him into a pole alongside the road. He hit his head pretty badly, but the scans showed everything there is fine, just a slight concussion.  It's his leg that was mangled pretty badly which is why he needed surgery."

Sirius was about to ask another question when the door to James' room opened and a doctor and nurse stepped out, nodding at them.  "You can go in now."

Sirius pushed the door open, waiting for Lily and Remus to enter before him and he watched Lily make a beeline for James' side.  He was sitting propped up against pillows with a bandage wrapped around his head, his right leg encased in a cast and elevated and a dopey grin on his face as he saw Lily.

"There's the future Mrs. Potter!" James smiled brightly.

Lily rolled her eyes, but a smile tugged at her lips as she gently enveloped James in a hug. She pulled back and glared at him. "James Potter, you are not allowed to scare me like that ever again, do you hear me?"

James just looked up at her, dopey grin still on his face as he nodded. "Yes, dear."

"I'm serious!  I was scared out of my mind that you had killed yourself and look at you,"  she gestured towards his head and down to his leg."You're all injured and I can't even yell at you properly because I feel bad you're hurt."

"Isn't she beautiful when she's angry?" James asked, reaching up to stroke her cheek.

"You did say she was lovely, but she's even more beautiful than I imagined."

Sirius turned and saw an older couple smiling off to the other side of James' bed.  The woman who had spoken was petite and elegant with her hair in a soft bun and could be noone but Mrs. Potter.  The man beside her was the spitting image of James down to the wild hair on his head that stood straight up in back, though his was more grey than dark brown. 

"Oh!" Lily exclaimed, running a hand through her hair self-consciously. "I'm so sorry, I didn't notice you there, Mr. and Mrs. Potter."

Mrs. Potter walked over to themLily, her hands outstretched, and hugged a stunned Lily.  "That's perfectly alright, dear, you were too busy with our boy to notice us and that's as it should be."

Lily blushed and returned the older woman's smile.  "This isn't how I had planned to meet you, but it's lovely to meet you all the same, Mrs. Potter."

Euphemia Potter waved her hand dismissively. "None of that now, please call me Effie. It really is lovely to meet you as well, Lily.  We've heard so much about you from James. He's quite smitten with you and I can see why."

Lily's blush deepened and she seemed surprised yet again as Mr. Potter came and hugged her as well.  "My son needs a fiery woman to keep him in line and one as pretty as you is sure to keep him on his toes.  Please call me Monty, Lily dear."

"Thank you, it's a pleasure to meet you."

The Potters both turned to Sirius and Lily introduced them and Sirius was the one surprised this time when instead of the expected handshake both Potters embraced him.  He saw where James got his affectionate nature from as well as his unruly hair. 

Effie walked over to Remus and pulled him down into an affectionate hug. "I'm so glad James has you, Remus dear, you're such a good friend to him."

"He puts up with me just as much as I put up with him, Effie." Remus joked, jerking his chin in James' direction where he was trying to pull Lily down to sit next to him as she argued that she'd hurt him. "Though sometimes I think I got the raw end of the deal." 

James' mother laughed as she watched her son's antics. "I think he's still a bit affected from the anesthesia."

"Looks about the same to me."  Sirius grinned, earning a scowl from James.

"Sirius!"  James exclaimed as if seeing him for the first time, his eyes glazed and squinting behind his glasses. "Mum, Dad, you've met my lovely Lily now and I'm glad you get to meet Moony's Sirius..." James frowned, scratching the side of his head. " _ Sirius _ ,  _ serious _ … You know, your name is so funny..."

Remus walked over to James' side, his face red. "Mate, I think your mum’s right about the anesthesia, your jokes are a bit off."

James scoffed, and managed to pull Lily down to sit on the edge of his bed and he leaned his head against her. "Nah, come on, you have to admit it's  _ seriously  _ funny… His name's Sirius!"

Lily groaned and kissed the top of his head. "Perhaps it's a good idea if you just rest for a bit, love."

Effie looked between Sirius and Remus curiously. "Remus, dear, how long have you two been...?"

Remus shook his head, eyes wide. “No, we’re not together!”

“We’re just friends, Mrs. Potter.” Sirius agreed, trying not to look at Lily whose face was red as she tried not to laugh. 

“Oh so you’re still with Benjy then?” Mrs. Potter asked, still eyeing both Sirius and Remus speculatively. 

Remus nodded and opened his mouth to speak, but James cut him off.

"Oh no, he  _ is  _ dating Benjy," James waved his hand dismissively almost hitting Remus in the face, "but it's Sirius he wants.  Arse over head for him he is, just too stubborn to admit it, daft fool."

An awkward silence fell over the inhabitants of the room and Remus' face was bright red, his jaw tight. "Prongs, you're—"

"Mate, I want some of that anesthesia if it's making you this delusional!" Sirius laughed, forcing a smile on his face as he tried to quell the swooping sensation in his stomach. His eyes met and held Remus' and he watched Remus swallow hard as he nodded almost imperceptibly in gratitude.

Lily smacked James' arm lightly and forced him to lie back against the pillows. "Whatever was in that anesthesia must be affecting that crazy brain of yours quite well, you silly man." 

James shook his head, scoffing. "You're the ones who are delusional. Everyone knows you’re mad for each other, even Benjy and Fabian know it. You should have some of this. It's like truth serum or something. It'll help you tell each other the truth. Otherwise  _ I'm  _ going to have to tell you both the truth."

"Sounds like some strong stuff."

They all turned to see Benjy standing in the doorway of James' room hesitantly, his jaw clenched, a tight smile on his face.

Remus' eyes widened, walking over to his boyfriend. "Benjy, what are you doing here?"

Benjy shrugged. "You were really upset on the phone so I came down to make sure James was alright and see if you needed anything."

"You're amazing, thank you." Remus smiled softly, embracing the other man who returned the hug stiffly. Remus pulled back and nodded towards James. "As you can see Prongs here is a bit out of it, but thankfully fine."

"Benjy here can tell you I'm right!"  James called out, ignoring Lily's attempts to quiet him. "Aren't I, right, Benjy?  Good to see you here, mate, thanks for coming to see me!" James chuckled and leaned back against his pillows, closing his eyes with a smile on his face.

Sirius shifted uncomfortably, James' words hitting too close to home for him and, from the tension he could see written on his face, hitting the mark for Benjy as well. 

"Benjy, you know he's just high on anesthesia, right?" He heard Remus fervently whisper. "Don't pay any attention to what he said, alright?"

Benjy looked over to Sirius, his nostrils flaring for a moment as their eyes met, the cold look in his eyes chilling Sirius.  He turned back to Remus and squeezed his arm with a nod. "Now's not the time." Remus sighed quietly, but turned and brought Benjy over to introduce to James' parents. 

Sirius looked back over to James and met Lily's gaze, her eyes soft and sad as she looked at Sirius, running a hand through James' unkempt hair as he slept.  "Are you alright?" She mouthed, trying not to draw attention to them. He nodded, though the knots in his stomach were tighter and more tangled than ever. James was Remus' best friend.  What did he know about how Remus truly felt for him? And if it was more than just friends, why wouldn't he do anything? What was it about Sirius that he couldn't handle as more than friends when he could clearly be in a relationship with Benjy? 

His thoughts turned to Fabian and he felt the guilt well up yet again.  He really did care for his boyfriend, but he struggled to think what he would do if Remus wasn't in a relationship and wanted one with Sirius.  He had a wonderful time with Fabian, in and out of bed, and he could make him laugh and be carefree like he hadn't in a long time, but with Remus... He couldn't deny the constant pull he felt towards the writer.  His guilt doubled when he recalled their near kiss and how he'd wanked to the memory of the feel of Remus' lips barely on his the moment he was alone. He didn't want to acknowledge that deep down he knew that if Remus gave him the slightest sign, he'd jump at the chance to be with him, any way he'd have him.

"Tea!" Remus' voice startled Sirius out of his musings. "We could all use some tea, I'm sure.  I'll go get it. Benjy, would you help me?"

Benjy inclined his head in agreement and followed Remus out the door with the thinly veiled excuse.  If the situation was tense for him, he knew it was tenfold for Remus and Benjy and he knew Remus needed the privacy to speak to his boyfriend. 

When they had left, Mr. Potter sat with Lily as she continued to stroke James' hair and they began to converse.  Sirius sat down in a chair to the other side of the room and buried his head in his hands, trying to let go of the tension James had wrought unwittingly.

He felt a presence next to him and turned to see Mrs. Potter sitting next to him, a soft smile on her face.  "Sirius, I hope I'm not overstepping here, and please tell me if I am, but Remus has been like a second son to me for many years.  I don't know if what James was saying was true, partially or all of it, but I do want to talk to you for a moment if I may."

He smiled at the older woman, her kindness and concern warming him.  "I don't mind at all, Mrs. Potter, but I'm not sure if there's anything to say really.  I think James was a bit off base."

"About yourself or Remus, dear?"  She cocked her head slightly, "And please, call me Effie."

"Effie."  Sirius nodded. "To be honest… about Remus, mostly."  He had no idea why he confessed that to her, but something about James' mum just made him feel safe and comforted, not a feeling he was used to with other mothers except Lily's.

"Well Sirius, I'm going to let you in on a little secret that probably isn't my place to share, but I'm a meddling old woman and just want to see my boys happy.  While I can't divulge why, Remus has not had an easy time of relationships with other men and he treads carefully. That boy has a heart of gold, but he's been hurt very badly and he protects himself as best he can, and too much so if you ask me." 

"I would never hurt him, Effie, I—"

She cut him off with another soft smile and hand on his arm. "I wasn't implying you would, dear.  I'm just letting you know why I believe Remus won't let himself have what he really wants." She gave him a knowing smile when Sirius tried to interject. "I watched you both before and during my son's rambling little soliloquy and it's very obvious that you both care for each other as more than just the friends you claim to be.  Whatever it is that is keeping you apart, whether it's your current partners or something else, I can see how my Remus looks at you. He's scared though and if you want something more with him, it might be wise to find out what he's so frightened of."

Sirius shook his head. "Be that as it may, we both have other partners and I know he cares for Benjy.  I won't be the reason they break up."

Mrs. Potter laughed softly.  "Oh Sirius, you are a very sweet man, but let me tell you one last thing.  Monty and I have been married for over forty years but before him I was engaged to another man.  Then I met Monty. He was everything I  _ never  _ knew I wanted and I tried to resist his charms, but in the end my heart won out and I haven't regretted my decision one moment since we got together."  She squeezed his arm lightly smirking, and Sirius saw where James got his playful nature. "When something is right, it doesn't matter what gets in the way.  Love will always find a way." 

She gave him a pat on the arm then stood and walked back to her son who was once again waking up. 

Sirius sat there quietly contemplating what she had said and he hated to admit how much her words both thrilled and scared him.  What if Remus did want him the same way? What would he do? What  _ could  _ he do? 

His thoughts were again interrupted by the man he couldn't stop thinking about as he walked in the door carrying a tray with disposable cups of tea balanced carefully upon it, Benjy nowhere in sight and a sad, dejected look on Remus' face.

 

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

 

"Well I'll give James credit, even if he can't walk, he sure knows how to throw a party."  Sirius grinned as he took the drink Marlene handed him. 

He looked around at the crowded flat and shook his head, unable to conceal his amusement that James had been able to pull off a surprise birthday party for Lily even though he'd been in the hospital for a week and was still unable to walk, having to rely on crutches or a wheelchair to get around.  He was currently sitting in said wheelchair as he toasted his girlfriend who looked down at him fondly, an amused grin on her face as James regaled their friends with funny anecdotes.

"James is a law unto himself."  Marlene agreed. "He's literally been home for three days and he's somehow pulled off this party. Did you help him?"

"Only thing I did was keep Lily away until it was time." Sirius admitted. "I took her shopping and out to lunch as an early birthday present and then brought her over here under the guise of James wanting to hang out tonight watching movies since he couldn't really get about easily.  She really had no clue."

Marlene rolled her eyes. "Bloody wanker, he probably hired an army to cater and decorate."  She grinned despite her comment. "It's good to see him so happy and I really love he and Lily together."

Sirius nodded. "They really do make a great pair.  It's still unreal to me that you've been friends with James and Remus for such a long time and none of us ever met before."

"It is odd, but honestly Lily might not have liked James back when we were younger." Marlene laughed.  "He was a bit of an arrogant berk, but he's definitely grown up."

"Oh I can see that being true, but I think he's great and perfect for Lils."  Sirius watched as Lily bent down and gave James an appreciative kiss, earning catcalls from the friends surrounding them.

James really had seemed to spare no expense for this party and he knew he had to have had a lot of help.  James had a spacious flat and every inch of it was decorated with streamers, balloons and flowers in Lily's favourite colours of green and gold.  He was sure he'd had the party catered as well if the spread lining the tables along one wall in the living room was any indication. He knew no matter how beautiful everything looked, it was the trouble James went to in organising this, surrounding her with loved ones, and making sure it was something Lily would enjoy that warmed her heart.

He smiled happily as he looked on at his best friend and her boyfriend, slightly envious of how perfectly matched and in love they were.

"Why is the most handsome man in the room not dancing with his almost as good looking boyfriend?"  Sirius' smile widened as he felt Fabian's arms wrap around his waist from behind.

"Now which one of us is which, I wonder."  Sirius teased, leaning back against Fabian's strong chest. 

Fabian kissed the side of his neck.  "Ah well obviously you're the most handsome bloke and I just get to worship you." 

"Oh for fuck's sake, you two make me sick."  Marlene groaned.

"Jealous, Marls?" Sirius grinned, laughing as he saw the blonde shake her head, a smile curving her lips.

"You wish, Black.  I happen to have the most beautiful woman here as mine so it's all good. Speaking of which, where the hell is she?"  Marlene craned her neck looking around the crowded room to spot Dorcas.

Sirius felt Fabian stiffen slightly behind him. "I saw her a minute ago when I was coming back from the loo." Fabian informed her. "She was talking to Remus."

"I'm so glad we reconnected with Remus.  It's been great hanging out with him again.  We lost touch for far too long, but we had dinner the other night with him and I had forgotten how much fun he could be."  Marlene offered. 

"Why did you lose touch?" Sirius asked.

Marlene shifted uncomfortably. "Well, it's not really my place to tell, but what I can say is he had a really bad breakup and we were friends with the other bloke so I think it might have brought up bad memories for Remus at first."  Marlene rolled her eyes. "Honestly, good riddance to bad rubbish though. His ex was an utter twat and after what happened Dorcas and I dropped him like the trash he was."

Sirius' curiosity was piqued but he didn't press any further, conscious of Fabian behind him.  "I'm sure he's better off with Benjy."

"Oh definitely,  _ although _ ..." Marlene trailed off, biting her lip and looking around hurriedly. "Listen, I'm going to go find Dorcas.  You two horny mutts don't get in too much trouble without me, alright?" She winked and walked away to search for her girlfriend.

Sirius turned around in Fabian's arms, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend's lips.  "So about that dance you mentioned?"

Fabian chuckled. "You don't have to ask me twice."  He took Sirius' drink, placing it on a table nearby and pulled Sirius towards the middle of the makeshift dance floor where other people were dancing to the music playing on James' expensive sound system.

Sirius lost himself in the music and the grind of his boyfriend's hips against his own for a few songs, laughing and sneaking kisses at every opportunity. The music changed to a slow song and he pulled Fabian closer, wrapping his arms around his shoulders with a smile.  He looked over to the side and saw Remus standing by the bar talking to a man he didn't know. He couldn't make out what they were saying over the music and distance, but he could definitely see they were flirting and that Remus was a bit tipsy. As he watched, Remus downed another shot and looked his way, his eyes meeting and holding Sirius' for a beat before he turned back to the other man, touching his arm and moving even closer with a wicked smirk on his face.

Sirius couldn't tear his eyes away as Remus blatantly flirted with the stranger.  What the hell did Remus think he was doing? Did he forget he had a boyfriend? He didn't know why he was suddenly so angry, but he knew he had to do something before Remus made a drunk arse of himself and actually cheated on Benjy.

He pulled back from Fabian slightly. "Love, can you excuse me for a minute?"

Fabian nodded. "Everything alright?"

"I have to stop Remus from doing something stupid before he regrets it."  He inclined his head towards where Remus stood. "He's about to cheat on Benjy and he'll kick himself for it later, but he looks drunk."

Fabian's eyes narrowed, his jaw clenched.  "Sirius, it's not your responsibility, Remus is a grown man.  If he fucks up his relationship it's not on you."

"I know that, but he's my friend and I don't want him to make a mistake if I can help it." Sirius reasoned.

Fabian rolled his eyes and stepped back, dropping his arms from where they had been wrapped around Sirius. "Whatever, just go play the knight in shining armor for Remus."

"Fabian, it's not like that."

"Just go, be a good  _ friend _ ."  Fabian gave him a tight smile and walked the other way.

Sirius sighed, but turned and walked to where Remus was pressed close to the stranger and grabbed his arm.  "Remus, could I have a word?"

Remus blinked twice, focusing on Sirius. "What do you want?"

"I need to talk to  you for a minute. Now."  Sirius looked pointedly at the other man who shrugged and whispered something in Remus' ear before walking away.

Blushing from what the other man said, Remus turned to Sirius again. "What the fuck couldn't wait, Sirius?  I was trying to pull!"

Sirius rolled his eyes and tugged on Remus' arm pulling him towards the privacy of James bedroom where he closed the door before turning to him.  "That's exactly what the problem is, mate, why the fuck were you trying to pull?"

Remus glared at him,  "What business is it of yours?  And why the fuck did you drag me in here?"

"It's not my business, but you're my friend and I was trying to stop you from making an arse of yourself and cheat on your sodding boyfriend!" Sirius exclaimed. "I figured you wouldn't want me to lecture your drunk arse out there in front of everyone, you ungrateful berk!"

“ _ Me _ , cheat?” Remus glared at Sirius and shook his head. “But oh, how noble of you, except I don't have a boyfriend, you fool."

Sirius faltered.  "Wh-what? What happened to Benjy?"

"He dumped me."  Remus said simply, sitting down on James' bed. 

"Why?"  Sirius blurted out before he could stop himself. "I'm sorry, fuck, that was inconsiderate,  it's none of my business."

"He dumped me last week at the hospital."  Remus said quietly, looking down at his shoes.

Sirius stood there for a moment, trying to absorb Remus' words. "Because of what James said?"

Remus nodded, not looking up or saying a word.

"Why didn't you tell him James was way off and just rambling nonsense because he was so high off the anesthesia?" 

"I tried to, but he didn't believe me."  Remus shrugged, worrying a loose thread on James' bedspread.

"Fuck."  Sirius ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, Remus.  Did you tell James to set him straight?"

Remus scoffed. "That wouldn't work and Benjy was already…  _ suspicious  _ anyway.  It's fine."

"Do you want me to talk to him?  I mean, he knows I'm with Fabian."

Remus looked at him curiously. "I really don't think that will help Sirius, but… thanks.  It's fine really."

"How is it fine?" Sirius asked incredulously. "Your boyfriend broke up with you because of James' drugged ramblings and he was way off base!"

"Was he though?"

Sirius froze, the question in Remus' green eyes making his breath catch.  "Wasn't he?"

"Prongs knows me better than anyone else.  What do you think?" Remus asked quietly.

"I think I'm really tired of assumptions and feeling something for you even though I have a boyfriend I really care about." Sirius sighed, both hands in his hair, his mind reeling. "Just be honest with me, Remus, please."

"You want honest?   _ Fine _ ."  Remus stood up and faced Sirius, his jaw tight.  "I've been attracted to you since the first moment I met you, but you also pissed the shit out of me. I thought you were an uptight, spoiled prude, but for some reason you got under my skin.  Then I got to know you and it was even worse because because fuck if I don't actually fucking  _ like  _ you."

Sirius stood transfixed, his heart racing as he watched Remus pause and bite his lip ring, his eyes raking over Sirius from head to toe before he continued. "It makes things even worse really because I can't have you. You're bloody gorgeous, so talented and intelligent, you make me laugh and I want to just  _ devour  _ you, but I can't and it has nothing to do with Fabian being your boyfriend."  Remus' eyes bore into Sirius'. "I'm not being conceited when I say if I wanted you you'd come willingly."

Sirius shuddered at Remus' words and the hungry look in his eye, but he didn't speak, didn't trust himself to utter a word.

"I cared about Benjy, but it wasn't enough and he knew it and it wasn't fair to lead him on. As much as I want you and fucking hell, Sirius, I really do want you, it wouldn't work.  We work together and..." Remus shook his head and looked away for a moment. "So that's me being honest. James was right about me at least and Benjy is better off without me and so are you.  Now if you've heard enough I'm going back out there to enjoy my mate's party and try to forget the fact that I just humiliated myself by telling you all this. Go be happy with Fabian. You deserve someone who can make you happy."

Remus stepped past him, but Sirius' words froze him in his steps, his hand on the doorknob.  "He does make me happy."

"Good."

Sirius turned to face him. "But he isn't you."

"Sirius..."

"I don't know what it is, Remus, but you've gotten under my skin too.  I don't know why you think it wouldn't work between us, if it's because of the fact we work together or what, but I shouldn't care because I  _ am  _ happy with Fabian.  He's an amazing man and I love being with him."  Sirius scoffed and looked at Remus' back, tense as he stood facing the door. "But I think about you all the time and every time I see you it takes everything in me not to try to fuck you into a wall.  So yeah, James was right about me too, not that it makes any difference."

Remus turned to face him, his expression inscrutable.  "It doesn't."

"Yeah, I figured that." 

"Sirius… I just, I can't." Remus reached out a hand towards him then thought better of it and dropped it to his side. "We need to work together and just be friends."

"We've been doing it so far, haven't we?" Sirius shrugged. 

"I'm sorry."  Remus offered, a soft smile on his lips that didn't reach his eyes.

"Yeah, me too."

Remus turned and walked out of the room without another word.  Sirius sighed and sat down on the bed, his head in his hands.

He heard the door open and close again and he looked up hopefully, "Remus?"

"No."  Fabian stood there, his hands in his pockets.  "Sorry to disappoint."

"Fabian, no."  Sirius stood up and walked over to him, but Fabian held out a hand to stop him.

"I heard everything."  The redhead shrugged. "I'm sorry I eavesdropped, but when my boyfriend disappeared into a bedroom with the man I know he has feelings for I have to admit curiosity and jealousy got the best of me."

"I'm sorry, Fabian, I didn't mean—"

Fabian cut him off. "I know you didn't mean to and I know you care about me, but it isn't enough is it?  Look, I don't want to make this any harder than it needs to be, but it's obvious it's over between us. I really do care about you, Sirius.  I can see myself falling in love with you so easily, I'm probably halfway there already, but I know you don't feel the same way."

Sirius closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before responding. "I really wish I could.  You're b-bloody wonderful, Fab, you know you are and I'm so damn lucky you even looked at me twice, but I just… I can't give you what you deserve."

"You're in love with Remus."  Fabian stated simply. "You don't have to say anything, but I can see it and he's a sodding fool for walking away from you."

"Fabian, don't..."

"Look, I'm not going to pretend this doesn't hurt because it does, but I'm not stupid enough to want to be with someone who's obviously in love with another man.  I suspected it from that night at the pub and what I just overheard— _ fuck,  _ you're both idiots so you're perfectly matched."  Fabian chuckled without humor. "Maybe we can be friends someday, but I need to go now before I make a bigger fool of myself, alright?"

Sirius nodded and reached out to take Fabian's hand, squeezing it briefly before letting him go.  "Thank you for not being an arse about it when I know I deserve you to be."

Fabian looked at Sirius for a moment longer. "Good luck, Sirius."  He smiled sadly and left the room. 

Sirius sighed, running a hand through his hair.  He had no idea how he'd just lost an amazing boyfriend all for a man he was in... he  _ cared about, _ but couldn't be with.  He banged his head against the closed door softly and stood there for a few moments trying to collect his thoughts.

Letting out a deep breath, he rolled his shoulders and opened the door, plastering a smile on his face as he walked out of the room and rejoined the party in his best friend's honour. 

  
  



	11. Eleven

Remus stretched and rolled his shoulders, trying to get the kinks out of his back from sitting hunched over his laptop for so long.  He had just finished his column for the week and had to get to work on some of his notes for his book. He already had a good amount written down along with the basic outline he wanted. The editor he was working with seemed very happy with the direction Remus wanted to take the memoir in, but Remus wanted this to be perfect.

He hadn't been joking when he'd told Sirius a few weeks earlier that it had always been his dream to see his name on a bestseller in a bookshop.  It was something he'd yearned for as long as he could remember. He vividly recalled the first time he'd seen his byline in a magazine article he'd written while still at Uni and it never ceased to amaze him that he was getting paid to do something he loved so much.  The fee the publisher offered him for this book deal was substantial and the promise of royalties even sweeter, but what thrilled Remus the most was the thought of walking into his favourite bookshop and seeing _Remus Lupin_ as the author of an actual bound book on the shelf.

After his talk with Sirius the week before at Lily's birthday party he had thrown himself into his work.  He'd emailed Sirius a few times with work related talk and had seen him once at the coffee shop they both frequented. He was thankful the other man was able to resume their friendship and work without too much awkwardness after their mutual confessions.  But he had avoided the cafe since, giving up his favourite writing spot to not tempt fate and see Sirius more than he needed to. Every time he looked into Sirius' grey eyes his resolve almost melted away and all he wanted to do was grab him and snog him within an inch of his life.

He'd spoken to James a couple of days ago and had found out that Fabian had broken up with Sirius the night of Lily's party and that had further fueled his desire to avoid Sirius.  He didn't know the details of the break-up, though James had alluded that Fabian suspected more than friendship between he and Sirius. The fact remained that they had to work together. Remus knew that, with both of them being single again, the temptation was just too great so he tried to keep his distance.

Even though it was a self-inflicted exile, the walls of Remus' flat were starting to close in on him and he resolved to stop hiding away.  He knew he'd get more work done at the coffee shop so he packed his laptop and notes into his messenger bag resignedly and set off for his sanctuary, hoping that Sirius had not gone there today,  And if he was there, well, Remus was strong enough to withstand the very real temptation Sirius posed.

As he walked down the street his cell phone rang in his pocket and he dug it out, answering when he saw it was Peter. "Hey, Pete, how are you?"

"Remus, my favourite columnist, not as well as you're going to be, I'm sure!"  Peter's voice boomed over the phone.

Remus laughed. "Why's that, Pete? Are you planning on giving me a raise?"

"Ah well, that may be in the cards soon, but right now I want to congratulate you."

Remus turned the corner and asked curiously, "Whatever for?"

"You've just been nominated as Columnist of the Year for the _British Society of Magazine Editors’ Awards_!  Congratulations, Remus!"

Remus stopped in his tracks, causing the person behind him to almost bump into him.  He smiled apologetically to the man glaring at him and retreated to an isolated spot near a shop window. "Are you kidding me?"

Peter's laugh rang over the phone. "No, I'm not, just got the message myself and wanted to give you the news.  I've been telling you how well received your column is and here's your proof."

"Oh my god… This is, bloody hell, Pete, this is insane,"  Remus said incredulously.

"It's well deserved, my boy, very well deserved. You'll get an email soon with all of the details about the awards gala, as well as an official letter from the awards committee, but it's going to be a night to celebrate," Peter explained.  "I think you have a great shot at winning, but even if you don't it's still a wonderful honour and you'll get a few tickets for yourself and some guests to celebrate with, though of course I'll be there."

Remus shook his head in amazement. "Thank you, Pete. You have no idea how much this means."

"It's a deserved honour, Remus. Congratulations." Remus heard the click of Peter ending the call and stood there a moment just staring at his phone.

He laughed out loud, ignoring the looks of passers by and couldn't believe his luck. He resumed his journey to the coffee shop and walked in with a huge grin on his face which stretched impossibly wide when he saw Sirius sitting at their usual corner table. He rushed over and slid into the chair across from him.

"Remus!" Sirius said, startled. "Good to see you mate, but what's with the dopey grin?"

"I just got off the phone with Pete and… _fucking hell_ ," Remus set his messenger bag down next to him and ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head. "He told me I was just nominated for Columnist of the Year by the _British Society of Magazine Editors’ Awards_."

Sirius' eyes widened and he whooped, reaching across the table to pull Remus into a hug. Remus held onto Sirius for a moment, inhaling the faint scent of leather and citrus of Sirius' skin and released him, his smile still wide.

"Congratulations, Remus, that's amazing!" Sirius grinned, clapping him on the shoulder as he sat back in his chair.

"Thanks, I'm still a bit in disbelief to be honest."

"Nonsense, you deserve it. Your column is great," Sirius assured him. "You'll probably win a Pulitzer one day."

Remus shook his head with a laugh. "One thing at a time, Sirius, don't go crazy."

"This calls for a celebration, I'll be right back." Sirius jumped up from the table, his long legs carrying him to the front counter where he spoke to the barista and turned back giving Remus a wink.

Remus chuckled at Sirius' antics, ignoring the butterflies in his stomach at Sirius' playful wink and took his laptop out of his bag. He booted it up and scrolled through his notes until Sirius returned a few minutes later bearing a large coffee and a bag he placed before Remus.

"Your beverage of choice and your favourite croissants," Sirius smiled as he sat back down. "A small celebration, but the chocolate helps."

"Thanks, Sirius, you didn't have to."

"Of course I didn't, but I wanted to. It's not every day a friend gets lauded with a national award."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I haven't gotten the award, I was only nominated."

"Which to be fair is a huge honour in itself, but you're a shoo-in, Remus, who else could win against you?" Sirius shrugged.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe someone who writes a column about important news or world events." Remus scoffed. "I just write a gay lifestyle column."

"Oi, don't knock what you do. What you write is important."

"Sirius, you yourself said it was just a sex column once, remember?" Remus reminded him.

"Well yeah, but I was being a twat," Sirius smirked. "Listen, you shed light on a part of the population that most people didn't give a fig about before and you show how the average gay man is not any different from all the heterosexual males who think we're something to gawk at or be scared of. People read your column because it's entertaining, but also informative and you make other gay men feel like they're represented and that's nothing to scoff at."

Remus smiled, biting the edge of the hoop in his lip as he looked at Sirius' earnest face. "Thank you. That means a lot."

Sirius shrugged. "It's the truth."

"Nevertheless, it's appreciated." Remus thought for a moment. "So uh, there's a big gala for the awards and I'm allowed to invite some people. Think you'd want to go?"

"With you?"

"Not as a date or anything," Remus quickly amended, pretending he didn't see the disappointment in Sirius' eyes. "But yeah, I'd love if you came with me. I was going to invite James and Lily as well."

Sirius looked at him for a moment before answering. "I'd love to."

"Um, I also wanted to say I'm sorry about you and Fabian," Remus said hesitantly.

"James tell you?"

"Yeah. He said he didn't know what happened, but he knew it was the night of Lily's party. Was it… Did it have anything to do with me?" Remus asked, hoping it hadn't.

Sirius nodded and looked down at his own drink. "He overheard our conversation in James' bedroom."

"Oh fuck, Sirius, I'm sorry."

Sirius held up a hand. "No, it's alright. He was right and he deserves better than someone who can't focus on only him. He's a good man and I couldn't give him what he wanted."

"Still..." Remus met Sirius' eyes and he felt his heart race, the desire to twine his fingers in that long hair and kiss those soft lips was almost overpowering. He watched Sirius' eyes darken as he looked at Remus, the grey flickering down to Remus' mouth where he held the silver hoop between his teeth. "I… You know I can't, Sirius."

Sirius shook himself slightly, leaning further back in his chair as if to put more distance between himself and Remus. "I know that. I don't know _why_ , but don't worry. I'm not going to force myself on you just because we're both now single."

"I didn't think that at all, Sirius."

The brunet nodded, a seemingly forced smile on his face. "Well, let's talk about something else, yeah? Let's hear some more about the memoir chapters of the book so I can take some notes on what sketches I need to think about."

Remus nodded slowly and turned to his laptop, flexing his fingers under the table, stiff from where he'd had to dig them into his legs to stop himself from reaching for Sirius. It was best to focus on work, no matter how much he wanted to do otherwise.

 

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

 

Remus looked in the mirror and adjusted his tie, stepping back to look at himself.

' _Not bad, Lupin_ ', he thought, taking in his black tuxedo and the way his curls were actually somewhat tamed for once. He'd thought about taking his lip ring out for the night, but decided quickly against it.  Formal or not, Remus was going as himself and he thought he'd cleaned up pretty well.

He stepped out of the bathroom and grabbed his keys, heading downstairs to where he knew the others were already waiting.  James had hired a driver for the night, a small gift for the winner of the night, he'd said, but Remus was sure it was so they could take advantage of the open bar at the awards gala and not worry about anyone driving.

Remus walked towards the stretch limousine, the driver opening the door and Remus smiled at him as he stepped inside. Loud catcalls lauded his arrival and Remus blushed as he looked at his friends.

"If it isn't the _Columnist of the Year_ looking all dapper!" James teased, winking as he moved his crutches out of the way of Remus' long legs.

"You look gorgeous, Remus!"  Lily smiled, a vision herself in a flowing green dress.

"Not anywhere near as good as you look, Lily."  Remus answered, laughing as she struck a pose.

"You look great, Remus."  Remus turned to see Sirius smiling at him and his breath caught for a moment as he took in the other man.

Sirius wore a tuxedo as well, but his had a bit more of a modern flair rather than the traditional ones James and Remus sported.  His narrow tie set off the look and the silver details brought out the bright silver in his eyes. His long dark hair was styled in an elegant bun at the back of his head and Remus wanted nothing more than to bury his fingers in it and shake the tendrils loose from its confines.  Even as formal as Sirius looked, he still exuded a bad boy edge that made Remus want to tear his clothes off.

He cleared his throat and nodded at Sirius. "Looking good yourself, Sirius."

"I don't think it's too early in the evening to celebrate, do you?"  James waggled his eyebrows, producing a bottle of champagne from a small refrigerator tucked into the side of his seat.  He popped the cork, aiming it away from everyone to make sure it didn't spray and cheered when he didn't spill it on anyone.

Lily laughed and held out two champagne flutes for James to fill and passed them to Sirius and Remus.  Once they all held flutes in their hands James cleared his throat and raised his glass. "To my best mate, whose talent is finally being recognised and lauded.  You're an amazing writer and friend and even though you haven't won the award yet, to me you're already the Columnist of the Year. Love you, Moony!"

"To Moony!" Lily and Sirius echoed, drinking from their glasses.

Remus blushed and rolled his eyes at James who was looking at him proudly.  "You are such a sap, Prongs, but thank you. I love you too, you git." Remus drank the champagne, the sweet effervescence struggling to make it past the lump in his throat.

All too quickly they arrived at the venue and exited the limo.  As they made their way inside, the joyous mood his friends had created started to ebb away and Remus felt nerves start to kick in.  They found their table and saw Peter and his wife, Mary, were already there and although the conversation never faltered, the butterflies in Remus' stomach were multiplying.

"You alright there?"  Sirius, sat to his right, asked quietly.

Remus tried to calm his erratic breathing and nodded slightly.  "Just a bit of nerves."

Sirius placed his hand over one of Remus' under the table and squeezed it lightly.  "Relax, Moony, we're all right here and you're going to win because you're amazing. We'll be right here to cheer you on when you accept your award alright?"

Though Sirius' words were reassuring, it was the use of his nickname that made Remus smile and relax slightly.  James was the only one who called him that, but hearing it from Sirius' lips felt right and oddly endearing.

Sirius let his hand go and looked at a woman passing by their table wearing an incredibly short dress that barely covered the tops of her thighs.  "What idiot let her leave the house looking like that?" Sirius whispered. "If her dress was any shorter it could be considered earrings."

Remus bit his lip trying not to laugh.  Sirius smiled at him and looked around the room, pointing out a man in a silver suit.  "Why would you wear a silver suit? He looks like a rectal thermometer."

Remus smothered a laugh and shot Sirius a warning look. "Sirius stop, what if someone hears?"

He shrugged, a mischievous twinkle in his eye as he picked up a fork, holding it up as if it was a microphone and spoke in a deep voice.  "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the _British Society of Magazine Editors’ Awards_ where the drinks are free-flowing and the fashion is tacky."

Laughing despite his reservations at being overheard, he shot Sirius another stern look, but he knew it was ineffective because of the smile on his face.

Sirius spotted a woman walking by in a hideous purple gown with a large flower on her shoulder. He spoke directly into the fork again dramatically, as if he was a television presenter.  "What the hell is going on with the shoulder of that dress? It looks like the wadded up Kleenex that you find next to a teenage boy's bed."

Sputtering, Remus smacked Sirius' arm, but couldn't stop himself from laughing loudly, drawing the attention of their friends.

"What's so funny?" James asked, a curious look on his face as he glanced between Sirius and Remus.

"This idiot," Remus inclined his head towards Sirius, "thinks he's a fashion commentator and is going to get us kicked out of here."

Sirius arched an eyebrow and looked around the room again and pointed to a woman wearing a frilly dress with a large bow on the back.  He resumed his announcer voice and smirked at Remus. "Most people wouldn't love the big ribbon on her arse. Personally, I think anal is a gift."

James almost spilled the drink he had been about to take sip of and Remus couldn't help but chuckle loudly, especially at the expression on Lily's face as she overheard.  Before she could reprimand Sirius, a presenter walked onto the stage and started speaking, beginning the awards ceremony.

Sirius settled back in his chair with a smug grin. "Feeling a bit better?" he asked Remus.

Remus bit his lip and nodded in gratitude, amazed at how relaxed he was now thanks to Sirius' antics.  Sirius winked at him and took a sip of his drink, turning to pay attention to the stage.

The awards presentation was not very entertaining and the dinner they were served during was somewhat bland, but Sirius kept them all entertained with silly comments throughout.  Every time Remus would start to get anxious Sirius seemed to notice and would whisper a funny anecdote in Remus' ear, relaxing him once again. He didn't know how Sirius sensed his nerves, but he was thankful and touched at how well he could read him.

Finally it was time for the Columnist of the Year award and the butterflies in Remus' stomach returned.  Peter winked at him from across the table and Lily and James both gave him reassuring smiles. As the names of the nominees were called he felt Sirius take his hand under the table, stroking the back of his hand gently to calm him.

"And the winner is… Graham Kerr!"

Remus knew he should have felt disappointed and he supposed on some level he did, but what he felt was an overwhelming gratitude and love for his friends around him at the looks of disbelief on their faces.  Sirius squeezed his hand tightly and Remus squeezed back before releasing it and clapping for the victor, a genuine smile on his face.

"Ah well, there's always next year,"  Peter shrugged and held up his glass in salute to Remus.

James grimaced, "I bet that Kerr bloke isn't anywhere near as talented as you are."

"You'll win next time, Remus, I'm sure of it."  Lily assured him.

"This is bullshit."

Remus turned to Sirius, shaking his head. "It's not a big deal, Sirius, it's insane I was even nominated."

"It _is_ a big deal and you deserved to win even more than that Kerr git!" Sirius countered, an angry look on his face.

"Sirius, really, it's fine." Remus assured him, placing a hand on his arm. "I'm not upset I lost."

"Well m-maybe you should be!" Sirius shook his arm off and continued, an angry look on his face. "Maybe that's the problem, Remus, that you don't think you deserve things.  You're a brilliant writer and you write about a m-major social issue that's r-relevant to the world we live in, but you put a personal spin on it that makes people relate to you and want to read more, know more, know _you_.  It's not every writer that can do that, but you do and you don't even see how amazing you are!"

"Sirius..."

"No, Remus, it's true!  You said it was just a _sex column_ because that's what a git like me spouted to you before I even knew you or really read your column and understood what it is you _really_ write about, who you really are. I'm sure you've heard the same shite from others in the past, but bloody hell, what you do is so important and it n-needs to be recognised." Sirius licked his lower lip and looked at Remus, shaking his head slightly. "You need to realise that you _deserve_ good things and to be treated like what you do matters, that who you are matters.  Because if you don't think you deserve it, you'll always just let it slip away from you and then pretend it never mattered in the first place when it's really killing you inside because it should be yours."

They stared at each other for a few moments, Remus slack-jawed, his mind whirling as he watched the rise and fall of Sirius' chest, heaving slightly from his emotional outburst.

"Well, shit."

James' comment snapped both of them out of their trance and Remus saw Sirius look at the others sat at their table, all watching their interaction curiously.

Sirius stood up abruptly, his hand running through his hair as his eyes darted wildly from each person at their table back to Remus.  "I n-need... I’m g-getting a drink." He turned and left without another word.

Remus watched him walk away until he left the ballroom, turning back to the table and the silent stares of his friends.

"I don't think that was just about the award, Remus."  Lily said softly.

Remus swallowed hard, not trusting himself to speak, but inclined his head agreeing with Lily.

"He's right, you know."  James said, arching an eyebrow. "Moony—"

"I know he's right."  Remus interrupted, biting his lip ring and trying to calm his racing thoughts. "I just… _fuck_."

Remus stood up and looked at Lily who offered him an encouraging smile and then at James who just shrugged at him and he could practically hear James' voice in his head telling him it was up to him now.  "I'll be back."

He didn't wait to see what the others said and took off to find Sirius.  He knew that rant had been about more than the award and every damn word had cut him to the quick because Sirius was right.  He didn't think he deserved anything good… He didn't think he deserved _Sirius_.

Remus found him just outside the main hall on a patio, leaning against the balustrade, his back to Remus.  He stepped outside and watched him silently for a few moments, admiring his profile lit by the dim moonlight and the fairy lights lining the railing.  He was smoking a cigarette, staring off into the streets of London below him and didn't hear Remus approach.

"I didn't know you smoked."

Sirius stiffened, but didn't turn around. "I don't normally.  I quit years ago, but there was a bloke out here smoking and I bummed one off him.  Settles my nerves, I guess."

"Why are you nervous?"  Remus asked, leaning against the railing next to him.

He took another drag off the cigarette, the cherry flaming bright as he inhaled, holding the smoke in before releasing it slowly.  "Ah well, I just went off on a crazy rant and made a bit of a fool of myself, so you'll forgive me for indulging for a moment."

"You were right."

Sirius turned to him, stubbing out the end of the cigarette and flinging it over the railing.  "I was?"

"You were right about everything. I have… _issues_ that stop me from trusting people.  Things from my past that make me think I'm, not good enough I guess.  It's why I've pushed you away," Remus admitted.

"You don't have to tell me."

Remus faced him, conscious of how close they stood and yet feeling as if it wasn't close enough.  "I'm not going to… _yet_.  But I will," Remus said simply.  "I want to."

"Remus, I'm not trying to force—"

"Sirius?" Remus closed the distance between them, taking in how Sirius' breath caught as he lifted a hand and placed it on his cheek, caressing the sharp plane of his cheekbone with his thumb. "Shut up."

 

 

Remus raised his other hand to the lapel of Sirius' suit, gripping it tightly and pulling the other man even closer.  Licking his lips, he watched Sirius' eyes track the movement of his tongue and darken as he toyed with the silver hoop threaded through the corner of his mouth.  He wanted to draw out the moment, but he felt like a shaking dam with a single crack down the center, barely holding back the tidal wave of all the ways he wanted to taste him and he couldn't wait any longer.

He pressed his lips to Sirius', savoring their warmth and the way Sirius' lower lip trembled against his.  The brief taste he'd had weeks before had only served to strengthen his desire and the moment Sirius' lips parted on a sigh, Remus took advantage and deepened the kiss.

All rational thought left his mind as he slid his tongue against Sirius', the sweetness of the rum he'd been drinking and the cloying flavour of the cigarette he'd just smoked only adding to the sinful taste of Sirius himself.  Sirius's arms wrapped around him, pulling him impossibly closer and Remus swallowed the soft moan that escaped him. He couldn't get enough; he wanted to plunder every inch of Sirius' mouth and the slow, wet slide of Sirius' lips against his was enough to set fire to his veins.

He backed Sirius up against the railing and Remus couldn't hold back a sharp hiss as their hips pressed together, his hands coming up to frame Sirius' face and hold him in place, desire threatening to overwhelm him.  He couldn't think, only feel as Sirius broke the kiss, mouthing along his jaw. Remus tilted his head to give Sirius better access as he kissed down his neck, teeth scraping and sending a shudder down Remus' spine. Sirius' reverent whispers of " _Remus_ ' uttered over and over again so softly against his skin as he licked and sucked a trail back up to his jaw almost made his knees buckle.

Remus pulled back slightly to look into Sirius' eyes, pupils completely lust-blown, the black irises   almost overtaking the molten silver. "I want you," he breathed, watching Sirius' nostrils flare, feeling his hands tighten in the folds of Remus' shirt.

"Do we have to stay for anything?" Sirius lurched forward, pulling Remus' lip ring between his teeth, releasing it only to lick at his bottom lip.

Remus shook his head, unable to form a verbal response, chasing Sirius' lips as he pulled back with a smirk.

"My place,"  Sirius murmured against his lips. "Now."

Remus pressed one more kiss to Sirius' mouth, hard and insistent, before pulling away and taking Sirius' hand to lead him off the patio and back inside.  They hurried down the stairs, hands clasped and too impatient to wait for a lift, and out of the building, heading towards a line of cabs waiting down the street.

Sirius flashed him a wicked smile as he held the back door open for him, his hand brushing against Remus' arse as he climbed into the cab.  He followed Remus and settled next to him, his hand resting on Remus' thigh as he told the cab driver his address.

Remus pulled Sirius to him and kissed him hard, not giving a damn if the driver saw.  Sirius responded eagerly, his fingers tightening on Remus' thigh, drifting higher to brush against the swell in his trousers.  Remus bucked his hips into the light touch, the desire to pull Sirius onto his lap and fuck him right there nearly overwhelming and he broke the kiss, his forehead resting against Sirius' as he tried to tame his rampant need.

Sirius startled as his phone vibrated in his pocket.  He pulled back with a sigh and glanced at his phone, chuckling when he saw the message.  "I think we forgot about James and Lily."

Remus stared at him dumbly for a moment before his eyes widened.  "Oh fuck, we did."

"They have a limo, they'll be fine." Sirius shrugged and sent Lily a brief message, turning his phone off and placing it back inside his jacket pocket.

"What did you tell her?"

Sirius quirked a brow. "That we left together and to enjoy the champagne in the limo."

Remus smiled and leaned forward to capture Sirius' lips in a slow, sensual kiss, losing all sense of his surroundings, completely lost in the heady feel of the other man's lips and hands, until the cab jerked to a stop.  He blinked as they separated and realised they were in front of Sirius' building. He pulled a wad of notes out of his wallet and handed the flustered driver his fare plus a hefty tip, telling him to keep the change with a wink.

He exited the cab behind Sirius who took his hand and led him through the lobby of his building and to the lift. They exchanged heady glances as they waited and as soon as they entered the lift, blessedly empty, the doors shutting behind them, Sirius punched in the number of his floor and pressed Remus against the wall, covering his mouth with his own.

They exchanged slow, lingering kisses until the lift doors opened on Sirius' floor and they broke apart reluctantly, holding onto each other as they made their way to Sirius' flat. He dug out his key and Remus watched him try to unlock the door, hands shaking. Finally managing it, he stepped inside, pulling Remus behind him and shutting the front door.

He didn't give Sirius time to turn on a light before he pushed him back against the door, crushing their mouths together in a bruising kiss while he slipped Sirius' jacket off his shoulders.  Sirius was anything but passive, letting his own jacket hit the floor before pushing Remus' off and immediately moving to unknot Remus' tie.

"Fucking tie,"  Sirius muttered against Remus' lips, not breaking their hungry kiss even as he exclaimed in triumph at finally slipping the tie off.

Remus bit Sirius' lower lip gently, soothing it with his tongue and reciprocated, his agile fingers making short work of Sirius' tie before starting to unbutton his shirt.  He rocked his pelvis into Sirius', groaning as he felt Sirius' hard length against his own.

Kissing his way down Sirius' jaw, Remus muffled his moan against the soft skin of his neck as Sirius gripped his arse and rutted against him.  "Too many clothes," he grunted, sucking a mark on Sirius' skin and trying to unbutton his shirt. "I need to feel you."

Sirius pushed Remus away slightly, his eyes dark and hooded.  "Bedroom. _Now_."

Reluctantly, Remus released him and followed Sirius down a hallway, both amused and aroused as he watched Sirius kick his shoes off as he walked down the hallway before undoing his own shirt and flinging it behind him.  Remus followed suit and unbuttoned his shirt, toeing his shoes off and kicking them to the side once he entered Sirius' bedroom.

They didn't bother turning on any lights, the moonlight shining through the large open window providing enough to see by and Remus' breath caught as Sirius turned around at the foot of the king sized bed, his pale, lightly muscled chest and torso on display.  Neither of them could take their eyes from the other, as Sirius unzipped his trousers.Slowly, he slid both trousers and pants down his long legs, stepping out of them and kicking them to the side.

Fully naked, his long cock proudly jutting against his stomach, Sirius smirked. "See something you like?"

Remus' smile was predatory and he stalked to Sirius' side, shrugging his shirt off and unzipping his own trousers.  He captured Sirius' mouth, relishing the sweet taste of him and ran his hands down his sides, his fingers sliding against the silky skin.

"You're overdressed," Sirius panted as Remus mouthed along his jaw, his hands moving to Remus' waist and impatiently pushing Remus' trousers and pants down his hips.  "I want to see you."

He obligingly stepped back and removed the rest of his clothing, finally nude, and watched breathlessly as Sirius' eyes traveled down his slim frame and fixed on his already leaking cock.

"Bloody hell, Remus."  Sirius' eyes widened and he dropped to his knees in front of him.

"See something _you_ like?"  Remus echoed, a smirk playing along his lips.

Sirius leaned forward his hands gripping Remus' thighs, and stared up at him, licking his lips.  "You're fucking huge." He swayed forward and met Remus' eyes again as if asking for permission.

Remus nodded, swallowing hard at the sight of Sirius on his knees before him.  A loud moan escaped him as Sirius wasted no time in licking a path up the underside of his shaft with the flat of his tongue, swirling it around the tip before taking as much of him as he could down his throat.  Threading his fingers through Sirius' dark hair, Remus was barely able to think past the haze clouding his brain, watching through hooded eyes as Sirius looked up at him, his mouth full of Remus' pulsing cock. His hips bucked involuntarily and Sirius wrapped a hand around the base of his prick, moaning around the heated flesh in his mouth.

A guttural moan left his lips before he could help it as Sirius took more of him in his mouth, the tip of his length brushing the back of Sirius' throat. The swirl of his tongue along the underside of his cock as Sirius hollowed his cheeks almost snapped Remus' control and he tightened his grasp on the dark locks under his hands, pulling Sirius off him.

Sirius looked thoroughly wrecked, his lips swollen and wet, hair coming loose from it's confines, panting as he sat back on his knees.  Remus wrapped his hand around the base of his cock, silently begging for control. After a moment he let himself go and pulled Sirius up to standing, crashing their mouths together again and walking him backwards to the bed.

Without breaking their kiss, Sirius climbed onto the bed behind him and pulled Remus with him, laying back and groaning into his mouth as Remus settled on top of him, their cocks sliding together deliciously.   "I want you to fuck me," he moaned, gripping Remus' bare arse and rolling his hips. "Fuck me, _please_."

Remus grasped Sirius' hands and pinned them above his head, scraping his teeth and sucking at the heated skin of Sirius' neck.  He nipped at his clavicle, eliciting a broken moan from the man underneath him and he chuckled low and dark.

"I want to taste you first," Remus whispered.

He ran his tongue down Sirius' chest, circling a nipple and laving it with his tongue before biting down on it gently.  Sirius' hips bucked, but Remus didn't stop his ministrations, a shiver going down his spine at the sounds Sirius made as he took the other nipple in his mouth and sucked.

His own cock was impossibly hard and already weeping, but he wanted to savor every moment and taste every inch of Sirius' skin.  He'd denied himself for so long and he ached to be buried inside him, but he wanted to uncover every secret of Sirius' magnificent body first.  Remus slid further down, nipping and kissing every inch of exposed skin. He ran his tongue across Sirius' hip bones, teasing him with his teeth and lips, Sirius' whimpered pleas unheeded.

He ignored the thrust of Sirius' hips, begging to be touched where he needed it most, and ran his mouth down the juncture of his thigh, stilling him with his hands firmly on his hips.  He looked up and grinned wickedly, meeting Sirius' lust-glazed eyes, as he ran the tip of his tongue along his sac. Sirius' chest heaved, Remus' name a continual moan from his lips, as he ran the flat of his tongue up Sirius' cock, licking at the pearls of pre-come on the tip.  He swirled his tongue around the flushed head before swallowing him down almost to the root.

Sirius' pleasure-filled cry as Remus took him down his throat made his own prick impossibly harder and he wrapped his hand around himself to stave off coming from the sounds Sirius made alone.  Remus had sucked cock more times than he could count, but he'd never wanted to please someone or delighted in the act itself the way he did now. He wanted to suck Sirius dry, revel in the taste of his skin, his musky scent, over and over again until he was utterly spent, but there would be time for that later.  Right now, he ached to be inside him.

He released his prick with a sinful pop, licking his way down his shaft and mouthed his sac once again before dipping lower.  He pulled Sirius' legs over his shoulders, relishing the panting moans above him and the way Sirius' fingers dug into the sheets for purchase.  He circled his entrance with his tongue, lapping at it gently and then blowing on it, Sirius' feet digging into his back.

Using his hands to spread Sirius open, he laved the puckered hole before finally dipping inside.  Sirius' broken cry spurred him on as he pointed his tongue and thrust inside him repeatedly. Without stopping his movements, he reached up two fingers and ran them along Sirius' bottom lip until he opened his mouth, sucking them inside almost obscenely to coat them with saliva.   Remus thrust his own cock against the bed, desperate for friction, the feel of Sirius' mouth sucking hard on his fingers going straight to his prick.

He pulled his fingers from Sirius' mouth and brought them down to his entrance, slowly sinking one inside up to the first knuckle.  He watched Sirius' body eagerly accept him, sliding in further and pulling out to add a second digit. He thrust them in slowly, Sirius' hips rolling with his motions, his cries of " _more_ " ignored as he thrust both fingers and out, searching for the gland inside him.  He finally found the bundle of nerves and bit his lip as Sirius bucked above him.

"Now, Remus… _Fuck_ … Fuck me… I _need_ you."

Remus wasted no time in withdrawing his fingers and wiping them on the bedspread.  "Do you have condoms?"

Sirius nodded, looking utterly debauched and pointed to the bedside table.  Remus leaned over and opened a drawer, finding everything he needed. He grabbed the bottle of lube and unwrapped a condom, rolling it over his prick before squeezing some lube on his palm.  He slicked himself, green eyes meeting grey, and his heart stuttered at the emotions he saw in the mercurial depths.

He threw everything to the side and positioned himself between Sirius' legs once again, rubbing his prick along the puckered hole.  He bit his lip, taking the silver hoop between his teeth as, eyes locked with Sirius', he pressed inside. His eyes shut of their own accord as his head slipped past the tight ring of muscle.  Slowly, he slid inside, inch by agonising inch until he was buried to the hilt. He took a few moments to let Sirius adjust and to reign in the desire to pound him into the mattress.

Sirius pulled him down, tangling his fingers in Remus' tawny curls, and kissed him gently.  He pulled back, biting on Remus' lip ring before letting go. "Move. Please, just _move_."

Eyes locked with Sirius again, he slowly slid out almost all the way, then plunged back in with a groan.  His fingers dug into Sirius' hips as he set up a slow rhythm, Sirius meeting him thrust for thrust. Being inside Sirius felt like heaven and he knew he wouldn't last long, the delicious _pushpull_ and Sirius rocking his hips were sure to suck him under all too soon.

He wrapped his hand around Sirius' cock, flushed and weeping, and pumped it in time with his thrusts.  "Come for me," he rasped, twisting on the upstroke as he fucked into Sirius harder. Sirius' hips canted, his fingers digging into Remus' shoulders, sure to leave a bruise not that Remus cared.  He felt Sirius tighten in his hand as Remus brushed against his prostate once more, coming over Remus' hand and his own stomach with a strangled cry.

Feeling Sirius' body pulse and contract around him was all it took to send Remus over the edge.  He managed one, two more thrusts before his orgasm overwhelmed him, Sirius' name a broken moan on his lips as he came so hard he saw stars.

Unable to support his body, he fell forward onto Sirius' chest, the other man's arms wrapping around him to hold him still, both trying to catch their breath.  After a few minutes, Remus could feel his breathing even out and hear the heart fluttering beneath his ear resume it's normal pace. He lifted his head and saw Sirius was watching him, a soft smile on his lips as he stroked Remus' hair.  He shifted and kissed Sirius gently, lingering until the mess between their chests had cooled and he laughed softly against Sirius' mouth.

He pulled back and out of Sirius, slipping the condom off and tying it before chucking it in the wastebasket near the bed.  Sirius stood and moved towards the en suite, hushing Remus' protests, coming back with a damp flannel. He cleaned Remus' chest gently before he wiped his own chest and stomach, throwing the towel to the side and climbing back into the bed.

Sirius turned on his side, facing Remus and raised his hand to stroke against his cheek.  Remus smiled, his heart clenching as he traced the contours of Sirius' face with his eyes.  He wrapped an arm around Sirius' bare waist and pulled him closer, burying his nose in his hair and inhaling the faint citrus scent.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Sirius asked quietly, his fingers tracing patterns on Remus' cheek and down to his shoulder.

Remus pulled back to meet his eyes. "Just wishing I hadn't been an idiot for so long."  He admitted. "That was amazing. _You're_ amazing."

"It wasn't amazing." Sirius said, his hand over Remus' heart."  It was _everything_."

Remus was overwhelmed with the emotions he felt for this man, too scared to name it though he could feel it bubbling up inside him and threatening to spill forth.  Instead he kissed him again, their mouths meeting tenderly while Sirius drew patterns on his skin with his fingertips.

"What..."  Sirius pulled back abruptly, his hand splayed across Remus' chest.  "Remus? What is this?"

Remus was confused for a moment, until he felt Sirius' fingers stutter across one of the scars littering his chest, his eyes wide and full of questions.  He closed his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath as he fought the panic welling inside him.

He finally met Sirius' worried gaze and placed his own hand over Sirius'.  "I'll tell you, all of it. I promise. Just, please… not tonight. I don't want to ruin tonight.  Can we talk tomorrow?"

Sirius stared at him for a moment before nodding, his palm turning and clenching Remus' fingers.  "Whatever you need. It can wait."

Remus let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding and pressed his lips to Sirius' again, trying to convey the gratitude he felt at his patience with him in every way, but especially with this.

Pulling back slightly, Sirius smiled softly at him and reached down to pull the covers over them both.  He tightened his arm around Remus and kissed his chest. "Let's get some sleep. You wore me out, you know?"

Laughing quietly, Remus pressed another kiss to Sirius' head and closed his eyes, relishing the feel of his body against his and wondering how he'd ever survived without it before.

  



	12. Twelve

Sirius came awake slowly, the sunlight streaming in from the open blinds of the window across from his bed bright even against his closed eyelids. He stretched slightly and immediately became aware of the warmth at his back and the arm slung over his waist.  The events of the night before came flooding back and he couldn't help the smile that stretched his lips before he'd even opened his eyes.

_ Remus _ .  He was still there laying next to him, wrapped around him possessively and he couldn't help but press even closer and revel in the feel of his strong body against his. 

After laying there for a few moments just enjoying Remus' warmth and his soft, even breaths against the back of his neck he decided he would be a bit romantic and make some breakfast in bed.  He moved as quietly as possible out from under Remus' arm so as not to disturb him and got up, wincing as he stretched. He was a bit sore from their activities the night before and he hadn't exaggerated when he'd said Remus was huge.  He wasn't religious by any means, but he couldn't help a half-joking mental thank you to whatever gods were listening that his lover was hung like a horse.

Making his way to the en suite, Sirius took a quick hot shower, enjoying the soothing heat on his aching muscles.  When he came out of the bathroom to get dressed Remus was still sound asleep, his face buried in Sirius' pillow, hugging it to him.  He couldn't help but stare for a few moments and take in Remus' form. The sheets were dipped low, just covering his backside, but he could see the dimples just above his rear and he fought back the sudden urge to lick the tempting flesh.

His eyes traveled up Remus' strong back and shoulders to the chiseled jaw which now sported a faint shadow of stubble.  His lip ring was visible and Sirius remembered how it had felt against his mouth and skin, the cool of the metal adding a new dimension to their kisses.  He bit his lip at the memory and fought back a shiver. Remus' honey gold curls were in disarray and their soft and silky texture was even better than he had imagined when he had finally gotten to sink his fingers into them.

Shaking himself out of his reverie, he dressed quickly, exiting the room as quietly as possible so he could surprise Remus with the romantic gesture.  Once in the kitchen he went through his refrigerator and cupboards and found them depressingly bare so he decided an even more poetic gesture was to make a quick trip to their favorite coffee shop and bring Remus his adored chocolate croissants.

Sirius made the trip as fast as he could, rushing back with a bag filled with Remus' favourite treat and two hot coffees, wanting to be there before he even woke.  He opened his front door as silently as possible and made his way to his bedroom where he was disappointed to see Remus was already awake and getting dressed, his trousers on and his shirt from the night before on, but hanging open and loose. 

"Good morning!"  he said brightly, "I come bearing gifts."

Remus turned to him, startled, and Sirius could see the tension in his face and the set of his shoulders as he looked at Sirius and the items in his hands. 

"Are you alright?"  Sirius asked, setting the coffee and pastry bag down on the nightstand.

"I didn't know where you'd gone, so I uh... I figured... Look, I'll just go now."  Remus mumbled, starting to walk towards the door.

"What?" Sirius' eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Remus, why?  I just went to get us breakfast, I wanted to surprise you."

"You did?" 

"Yes, look!" He pointed to the items on the side table.  "I went down to our coffee shop and got coffee and your favourite croissants.  I was trying to be romantic, but I'll also admit my kitchen is remarkably bare," Sirius chuckled.

Remus stared at him for a moment, his arms crossed in front of his chest, and suddenly sat down on the bed with a sigh, his head buried in his hands.

"Remus?" Sirius asked tentatively. "What's wrong?"

The other man didn't say anything for a few moments, but finally looked up and Sirius was struck by the despair in his eyes.  "Me, that's what's wrong.  _ Me _ ."

Sirius sat down next to him, completely confused, but trying to tread carefully.  "Why would you say that?"

"Because it's true," he answered simply. "Look at me, I wake up and you're not here so I automatically panic and think I fucked up by staying or maybe I was too aggressive last night, or fuck, that I imagined everything that happened and you were giving me some kind of signal to get the hell out of your flat!"

"Remus, it's alright," Sirius assured him.  "I was hoping to be back before you woke up but I can understand freaking out a bit when you saw I wasn't here.  It's not a big deal."

"But it is!"  Remus stood up and started pacing the room. "A normal bloke wouldn't be this upset because he woke up and his one night stand was gone."

Sirius felt like he'd been punched in the gut. "One night stand." He said softly.  "That's all this was to you?"

" _ Fuck _ .  No, that's not what I meant, not what it was to me." Remus stopped and looked at him, his face the very picture of turmoil.  "Sirius, last night was amazing. Being with you was... It was beyond anything I could have imagined, and trust me, I imagined it plenty for months. But I'm fucked up.  I've had things happen that have messed with my head and I can't put you through the shit storm that follows me. I can't be selfish like that, as much as I want to be."

Sirius stared at him incredulously. "So you're saying this was a one off?  That after everything this was just a one time thing and it's over before it can even start?"

"I don't want it to be, but I can't be in a relationship with you."

"But you could be in one with Benjy?"

Remus hung his head. "I didn't care about Benjy the way I care about you."

"This makes no sense!" Sirius stood up, anger overtaking all the other emotions swirling inside him. "You care about me  _ more  _ than your ex-boyfriend so you can't be with me? So what then, you just want to fuck every once in a while, no strings attached?"

"I told you I'm fucked up," Remus said quietly.

"No, this is bullshit!  I'm not letting you push me away because of whatever altruistic reason you have, it should be up to  _ me  _ to decide if I can handle your issues. You can't just take my choice in this away!" Sirius glared at him, his jaw trembling with barely concealed rage.  "I've tried to get over you and I can't. I was content with Fabian, but he wasn't  _ you _ .  You're in my head and I can't get you out.  I thought last night you finally realised that we were meant to be together, but all you wanted was to fuck me and leave!"

"It wasn't like that at all, Sirius, please believe me," Remus pleaded.  "It's just...fuck.  _ Fine _ , you want to know the ugly truth, I'll tell you all of it, but don't blame me when you can't handle it."

Remus stared at him for a moment as if gathering courage and then took his shirt off hurriedly, spreading his arms wide.  "Take a look! You wanted a reason for why we can't be together and this is it!"

His eyes flew to Remus' chest and torso and Sirius' anger left him all at once replaced by horror at what he was seeing.  The scars he had felt briefly the night before were plainly visible in the bright morning light and he could only stare at the series of slashes across Remus' body.  Though they looked long healed and some of the numerous scars were silvery and faintly visible, there were at least half a dozen that were raised, red, and angry looking.  The worst began directly above his heart, a thick rope of tissue that ran ragged down his sternum.

"Oh Remus..." Sirius raised a hand out to him, but Remus stepped back before he could touch him. "Wh-what happened to you?

Remus closed his eyes, hugging his arms across his bare chest, his voice a pained whisper when he spoke. "My ex-boyfriend.  He tried to kill me."

Sirius' eyes widened and he sat down abruptly on the bed.  Of all of the things he'd expected to hear, this wasn't anywhere on the list.  He swallowed hard and looked back at Remus, softly asking. "Tell me."

Remus turned towards the window and cleared his throat. "I met Evan second year of Uni.  We hit it off right away. He was… He was beautiful and outgoing, really charismatic. I was having fun playing the field and felt comfortable in my own skin for the first time in as long as I could remember.  I didn't really come out as bisexual until Uni when I didn't have my parents’ religious beliefs drummed into me. My parents are great people, but a little too conservative in their thinking so I hid my attraction to men until I was away from home.  I dated a lot and had flings and wasn't interested in anything serious. But Evan pursued me and I was…  _ flattered  _ I guess."

Sirius remained silent, watching Remus as he told his story.

"We started dating and he was great, really attentive and wanted to be together all the time.  James though..." Remus shook his head, his broken laugh held no humor. "I should have listened to Prongs because he never liked Evan.  He would say, ' _ There's something off about Rosier _ ', but I ignored him thinking he was jealous I wasn't around to watch footie with or go to parties with as much anymore. It started small.  Evan would get jealous if I was talking to another guy, even if it was about class. He'd show up outside my classes to walk me to my next one even if his last class was completely across campus.  I thought it was  _ romantic _ ."

"We started arguing a lot when he became really possessive and demanded to know where I was and who I was with all the time, even messaging me in the middle of class. He caused a scene at a party one night getting into a fight with a bloke I was talking to about a  _ midterm  _ of all things."  Remus paused for a moment and swallowed hard. "He pushed me and punched me in the jaw when I argued with him and broke up the fight.  I broke up with him then and there, telling him he was crazy and that I'd had enough."

He turned back to Sirius, his hands balled into fists at his sides, the knuckles white.  "I'm a deep sleeper, always have been, and that night I woke up in the middle of the night with one hand tied to my bedpost and Evan next to me trying to tie the other." Remus stared at a point behind Sirius, his eyes glazed as if he was seeing it all again. "I freaked out and asked him what the fuck he was doing and shoved him away with the hand he hadn't managed to yet tie, but he jumped on top of me… and that's when I saw the knife."

Sirius' hand flew to his mouth, his heart aching at the horror Remus went through, but he knew better than to try to interrupt.

"He pinned my arm and slashed at my chest with the knife.  I screamed and managed to push him off again, but I still had one hand tied back.  He… He stabbed me here and here." Remus indicated two of the angry scars on his torso before placing his hand on the largest one on his sternum. "I was fighting him as best I could, trying to get the knife away, but he ended up slicing me with it several times as we fought.  Prongs was my roommate and he heard my screaming and tried to come in, but Evan had locked the door. He finally managed to break it open just as Evan stabbed me here." 

"It was crazy… He kept screaming at me that if he couldn't have me no one else could, just like the shit you hear in stupid movies."  Remus turned away again, his shoulders hunched as he leaned against the window frame. "James tackled him, but Evan had a good grip on the knife and it sliced me down my chest as he fell.  Everything is a bit fuzzy after that because I was losing so much blood, but Prongs hit him with something on the head knocking him out cold. I remember Prongs screaming my name and hearing him call an ambulance.  The next thing I knew I was waking up in the hospital being told it was lucky I was alive. The other stab wounds were mostly superficial though he did manage to nick my spleen with one. But the last one came an inch from my heart.  The doctors said it was a fucking miracle I survived."

Remus was silent and Sirius didn't know what to say.  He couldn't fathom what Remus had been through, but he had to know. "What… What happened to Evan?"

"He's in prison." Remus said quietly. "I had no idea he had a record, but apparently he had a history of violence.  He's serving a life sentence for attempted murder."

Sirius stood up and crossed over to Remus and wrapped his arms around him from the back.  "I'm so sorry, so sorry you had to go through that." He felt Remus relax slightly in his arms and then tense again, turning to face Sirius. 

"That's not all."

"There's more?" Sirius asked incredulously.

Remus scoffed. "I told you I was fucked up, didn't I?  Not enough to almost be killed by an ex apparently."

Sirius led Remus back to the bed, sitting him down and settling down next to him.  "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to or aren't ready."

"No, you need to know why I'm like this."  Remus shrugged. "You said you wanted a choice so I'm telling you what you'd be getting yourself into with me."

Sirius looked at him, his lip between his teeth and nodded for him to go on.

"As you can imagine, it took me a long time to trust anyone again.  I didn't date for a long time and when I finally did it was just one night stands or meaningless flings.  Two years ago I met someone who I thought I could try for more with again." Remus sighed bitterly. "His name was Gil Lockhart and we met through mutual friends.  Dorcas actually introduced us at a party at the gallery she was working at. He was another pretty boy, but he seemed kind and so I gave him a chance. Things were actually going really well and I was happy. Any other person I was with after Evan who saw my scars I lied and told them I was in a car accident.  But I eventually told Gil the truth."

Sirius reached over and took Remus' hand in his, not sure if he was trying to comfort the other man or himself.

"Gil was shocked, to say the least, but he accepted it, accepted  _ me  _ and the issues I had trusting anyone to get too close.  Or that's what I thought anyway. We'd been together for six months when I found out he'd been cheating on me."  Remus shook his head, a sneer on his face at the memory. "As if it wasn't bad enough he was cheating, he tried to blame it on me.  Said it was because of my  _ issues  _ that he had to look elsewhere.  I told him to fuck off and that we were done, but he took a parting shot before he left. He told me... He said I should  _ thank  _ him and be grateful he'd bothered with me because no one else would be able to see past my hideous scars and deal with my shit."

"Remus, no!" Sirius protested. "That's not true and he's an absolute twat for saying such a lie to you."

"Oh I know he's an arse and that I shouldn't have let his words get to me, but after everything else, it just hit a bit too close to home."  Remus finally looked into Sirius' eyes. "Do you see now? Do you understand why I can't let anyone get too close?"

Sirius stared into Remus' eyes, the moss green vulnerable and filled with a pain that made his chest ache.  "No."

"What?" Remus' eyes widened. "Sirius, I just explained—"

"No," he repeated. "You explained the horrible things that happened to you and you have no idea how much I wish it hadn't, what I would give to change it all for you.  But it doesn't mean that you can't be loved, that you can't let someone love you."

"Sirius..." Remus stared at him, his mouth open and he could see the question in his eyes.

Reaching out, Sirius traced the deep scar tissue on his chest, feeling Remus shudder under his hand. He pressed a soft kiss to the center of the wound and looked back into Remus' stunned face. "This is a part of you, but it's not all of you.  You're always going to have issues with it because it's something horrific that you lived through. I don't have physical scars from what I went through with my parents, but I still have scars deep inside that I'll never fully heal from."

He took a deep breath. "I'm in love with you."

The shock on Remus' face was obvious, but he pressed on. "I don't expect you to feel the same way, but I want you to know how I feel.  This isn't going to scare me off, it actually makes me think you're even more amazing than I already thought you were for having dealt with something so tragic and surviving it. I love you."

Sirius' heart raced as silence stretched between them, Remus' face unreadable as he looked into Sirius' eyes.  He certainly hadn't meant to confess how he felt so soon, but he had recognised how strongly he cared about Remus even before Fabian had pointed it out so bluntly; he'd just been too scared to name it.  He didn't regret his declaration though. Remus deserved to know he was worthy of being loved, that he  _ was  _ loved, even if he didn't and couldn't feel the same. 

Just as the silence and tension started to become too much for Sirius, Remus leaned closer and captured his lips in a soft kiss.  He buried his fingers in Sirius' dark hair, loose around his shoulders, and Sirius couldn't help but clutch at Remus' shoulders as he returned the tender kiss. 

Remus pulled back, his forehead resting against Sirius', thumb stroking his cheek.  "How are you so amazing after everything you've been through?"

"I don't think I'm that exceptional, but I had so little love growing up that whenever I've found it I've held onto it and cherished it." 

"Thank you.  For everything you've said and for accepting what I've told you."  Remus cleared his throat and sat back, his hand trailing down Sirius' face affectionately before releasing him. "I'm still scared though and I… I need some time."

Sirius nodded.  "That I can understand.  I'll give you as much time as you need. I just want you to give us a chance, see if we can be as good together as I think we can be."

Remus stood and put his shirt back on, buttoning it before looking back towards Sirius.  "I'm not going to disappear, I just need time to think." He pulled Sirius up and wrapped his arms around him, his gaze soft and affectionate as it met Sirius'. "For the record, I really care about you too.  I just need to wrap my head around things."

"Good to know,"  Sirius smiled softly.

Pressing a kiss to Sirius' mouth, Remus stepped back with a sigh. "I'm going to go, but I'll call you."  At Sirius' raised eyebrow he chuckled. "I promise."

Sirius walked him to the door and they said goodbye with a lingering kiss.  Shutting the door behind Remus, Sirius collapsed onto his sofa with a groan.  He ran a hand through his hair and laid back, contemplating the last twenty four hours and could barely believe everything that had happened.  He knew he needed time to process everything as well, especially the revelations about Remus' past even though he knew none of it changed what he felt for the other man.  Perspective from someone else might help and he knew the one person who he could rely on for sage advice.

With a sigh he pulled out his phone and called his pseudo-therapist. "Lilypads? Can you come over?  Bring the good rum."

 

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

  
  


"That has to be the worst wedding I've ever been to,"  Lily groaned, kicking her heels off and flopping down on her sofa.

James chuckled and lifted her legs, setting them on his lap as he sat and began to rub her feet gently.  He grinned when Lily sighed in appreciation. "I thought you were exaggerating when you said your sister was a bit of a pill."

"Oh no, Petunia is definitely in a league of her own,"  Sirius said as he came in from the kitchen of Lily's flat, handing Lily and James each a beer before sprawling on a nearby armchair with his own.

Lily gratefully took a sip of the cold ale before relaxing back against the cushions. "Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she's married now and seems to be happy, but the wedding itself was too pompous and stiff.  And this dress, ugh... I hate it!" She swatted at the voluminous pink skirt of her gown with a grimace.

"I think you look beautiful, my precious Lily-flower."  James gazed at her affectionately.

Lily rolled her eyes, but her lips quirked into a smile and she blew him a kiss.

"James, you'd think she looked beautiful in anything so your judgment is not to be trusted," Sirius laughed. 

Lily glared at him. "Padfoot, are you trying to say I look hideous?"

"Bloody hell no, I like my bits intact and where they are,"  he laughed. "You are as gorgeous as always, Lilypads. That dress, however, needs to be burned."

"I'll grab the flame thrower."  Lily nodded and raised her beer towards Sirius.

Sirius raised his in mock salute with a grin.

"That horrible bloke Tuney married was a bit much, don't you think?" Lily asked, a skeptical frown on her face. "She looks happy and in love, but Vernon is just… He looks like a walrus and is such a pompous bore!"

"He is an absolute arse.  He must be really good in bed," Sirius joked.

"Sirius!"  Lily made a disgusted face. "That’s too disturbing to think about!"

He shrugged. "Listen, I'm just saying he has to have some redeeming quality for Petunia to have married him."

Lily shuddered and took a long pull of her beer, shaking her head after. "We are not talking about this."

James and Sirius exchanged an amused look before Lily changed the subject. " _ My _ wedding will not be anything like this.  I want simple and meaningful, something small where it's a celebration and just fun."

"I'll make sure our wedding is everything you want it to be."  James winked at her.

" _ Our  _ wedding?"  Lily quirked a brow. "I don't remember you proposing, Potter."

James gave her a secretive smile. "I haven't…  _ yet _ ."

Sirius couldn't help but smile at the loving look passing between the other two.  It made him ridiculously happy to see his best friend so in love and with a man as perfect for her as James, but he couldn't help the jealousy and ache in his own heart at wanting to have the same.

Two weeks had passed since he had slept with Remus and the emotional revelations of the morning after.  True to his word, Remus had called him and they had continued to work together and had met at the coffee shop several times, but they still weren't any closer to resolving their situation.  They had talked about it briefly and had shared several heated kisses, but Remus refused to let it go any further than a snog until he had worked through his issues and decided he could be in a relationship with Sirius.  Knowing Remus wasn't out with other men the way he had been previously gave him hope, though. He was willing to give Remus all the time he needed to decide what he wanted.

"Earth to Sirius, you alright there?"  Lily asked worriedly.

Sirius snapped out of his thoughts and nodded, taking a long pull from his beer.

"Thinking about Moony?"  James asked with a knowing smile.

"To be fair, I think about him a lot," Sirius admitted with a shrug.

James looked at him for a moment before speaking. "I'm not going to get in the middle and meddle the way I want to, but I do want to thank you for giving him the space he needs right now."

"He's worth the wait."

James smiled. "He'll come to his senses soon.  I know he's as head over heels for you as you are for him, he's just got to get it through his thick skull that you're nothing like Lockhart.  He'll get there eventually, I know he will. I told him he was being a twat and that you were perfect for him and I know he knows it deep down."

Sirius smiled gratefully.  "Thanks, James. It's good to know I have your approval."

"I don't know whether to be grateful or worried at how well the two of you get along." Lily teased.

"Oi, you should be happy your boyfriend and best mate get along so well,"  James winked. "Especially because I love that you and Remus get along just as well."

Sirius' phone rang, cutting off the conversation.  He looked at the caller ID and he grinned. "It's Andromeda. They're back in London and we're supposed to get together for tea this weekend."

Sirius answered, hoping the only cousin he still talked to wasn't cancelling plans. "Hey Andy!  How are you?"

"Sirius? Where are you?"  Her voice was tight and she sounded as if she had been crying.

He sat up, his stomach twisting in knots at her tone. "I'm at Lily's, Andy.  What's wrong?"

"Oh thank god you're with Lily.  Sirius... I have some bad news. It's about Regulus."

Sirius' palms began to sweat. "What about Reg?  Andy, I just saw him two days ago, what's happened?"

"There was an accident, Sirius."  He heard Andy take a deep breath. "Regulus… He was hurt very badly.  He died. Oh Sirius, I'm so sorry."

Sirius felt his blood turn to ice and his beer fell from his hand.  He could hear Andromeda still speaking, but he couldn't tell what she was saying.  He registered Lily coming over to him and saying something before she took the phone from his slack hand, but he had no idea what words she had spoken, could only focus on the dreadful nausea he suddenly felt and the words that kept replaying in his head. " _ He died _ ."

He ran to the loo, barely making it to the toilet in time to retch.  His stomach heaved up all of its contents and still he continued to vomit.  He felt a hand on his back and his hair being pulled back, but couldn't focus, just kept retching until he was completely empty. 

The same hands pulled him away from the toilet and he heard voices speaking to him, but " _ he's dead, Reg is dead _ " was all he heard in his head. He felt someone wipe his face with a wet flannel and hand him a glass of water which he mechanically swirled in his mouth and spit into the toilet.  He couldn't think, couldn't register whose arms wrapped around him as another pair of cool hands wiped his brow. 

"Sirius,  _ Pads _ … Please, can you hear me?" 

Sirius blinked and looked into Lily's face, tears streaming down her face as she stared at him, arms wrapped around him tightly, kneeling on the floor with him.  "Lily?"

She bit her lip and shook her head, "Oh Pads, I'm so sorry."

Memories of Regulus started to flash through his mind.  He’d just seen Reg at the pub two nights ago when they’d had dinner and some drinks with his partner, Kingsley.  Reg had been so happy at how well Sirius and Kingsley got on from the first time they had met a few weeks earlier, but even if Sirius hadn’t really liked the man for himself, seeing how well he treated his brother and how Reg’s face lit up around him would have been enough for him.  His mind was filled with the image of Reg throwing his head back in laughter as Sirius and Kingsley had teased him about something.

Even though it was making his chest ache more he couldn’t stop the flood of memories from flashing through his mind.  Reg hugging him goodbye after lunch when they’d first reconciled. Seeing him standing at the window the day he’d left his family for good.  The scared look on his brother’s face when he’d let go of the bicycle he’d taught Reg how to ride when they were younger, but the absolute trust in his big brother shining in his eyes.  Sneaking into Reg’s room after he’d had a nightmare and holding his baby brother until he fell back asleep. Watching as their Nanny fed Regulus in his high chair when they’d been small and Sirius had entered the room and he’d babbled “ _ Siri, Siri _ !” and reached for him.  It had been Regulus’ first word and he’d been the only one to ever call him by that nickname. Now he’d never hear his brother’s voice again.

He felt the wind knocked out of him and couldn't breathe. "He's  _ gone _ ,"  he managed, trying to suck in a breath.

"Breathe, Sirius, just breathe."  He felt James at his back, a hand on his chest trying to help him through his rising panic attack. 

He concentrated on taking breaths, trying to tune out the screaming of his brother's name in his head, until he had calmed down enough to regulate his breathing.  He closed his eyes and leaned into Lily's embrace. 

As she stroked his hair and whispered soothing words, tears started to fall freely down his face. He looked up into Lily's face. "I just got him back, Lils…  _ Why _ ?"  He choked on a sob. "How could he be dead?" 

His question went unanswered as he sobbed against Lily's shoulder, her arms tightening around him.  He felt James' soothing presence behind him trying to hold him together as he fell completely apart. 

 


	13. Thirteen

"How is he?"  Remus asked, giving Lily a kiss on the cheek as he stepped inside Sirius' flat.

Lily shrugged, closing the door behind Remus.  "He's dressed, but he won't come out of his room and I haven't been able to get him to eat or drink anything at all today."

"Hey Moony."  James came into the sitting room carrying a cup of tea and gave his best friend a quick one-armed hug, careful not to spill.

"The services start in less than two hours and I don't know what to do, Remus."  Lily admitted.

"I'll go talk to him."  Remus looked at James, indicating the tea in his hand. "Is that for Sirius?"

"Yes, I was hoping he'd drink it seeing as he won't eat anything.  It's chamomile to relax him a bit." 

"Did you add honey or sugar?" Remus asked, taking the tea from him. "He isn't a fan of herbals but if you add honey he'll drink it."

Remus saw Lily and James exchange an amused look and he rolled his eyes. "Yes, I know how he takes his tea, you gits.  We've been friends for months now and I've spent the last few days helping you lot take care of him and made him more cups of tea than I can count, half of which he hasn't touched so stop reading more into it."

"I added honey just so you know, but I'm not reading more into anything." James looked at him seriously, clasping a hand on Remus' shoulder. "Lily and I have helped as much as we can since Regulus died, but you're the only one Sirius is really responding to, who he lets take care of him or talks to really. There's a reason for that, Moony."

Remus looked away, uncomfortable with James' assessment but knowing he was right.

When James had called him three days earlier, frantic with worry about Sirius, and asked him to come over to Lily's because Regulus had passed away, Remus had rushed over.  He'd found Sirius laying with his head on Lily's lap in her bedroom while she stroked his hair. The moment Sirius had realised Remus was there and looked at him, Remus' heart had shattered at the despair in his stormy grey eyes.  He'd sat next to them on the bed and pulled Sirius into his arms where he'd collapsed in tears on Remus' shoulder. 

Remus had held him for what seemed like hours, trying to soothe him even though he knew there was nothing he could really do to ease his pain at the loss of his brother.  He hadn't even noticed when Lily had left the room, only realising later when she came in with tea for them both. By that point Sirius had fallen asleep, completely exhausted, and Lily had waived away Remus' protest that he should leave. 

Lily had insisted he stay with Sirius, saying that she and James would sleep in her guest room  that night because she didn't want to move Sirius and he would be calmed by Remus' presence should he wake.  Remus had to admit he didn't want to leave other man in the state he was in so he'd agreed and he and Lily had undressed Sirius as best they could without disturbing him and settled him in the bed.  Once Lily had gone, after thanking him profusely for taking care of Sirius, Remus had stripped down to his boxers and crawled in beside him. He'd wrapped himself around Sirius, telling himself it was to comfort him even in his sleep, but he'd lain awake for hours thinking about their relationship and had finally made a decision. 

He knew it wasn't the time for it then, but once Sirius was more stable in his grief he would talk to him and let him know what he'd decided. 

Sirius had awoken early the next morning and Remus had jolted awake at the small movement Sirius made.  He'd turned in Remus' arms and they'd just stared at each other for a few moments before Remus had pulled him to his chest and held him, a soft kiss pressed to Sirius' forehead, and they'd lain in silence until Lily had come in to check on Sirius.

The last few days Remus had barely left Sirius' side, making sure he'd eat and shower, talking to Sirius' cousin Andromeda and Regulus' partner Kingsley over the phone about the services being held, and gently prodding Sirius to talk.  He'd learned a lot about Regulus over those days and he was saddened he hadn't gotten to know the other man. Sirius had talked about their childhood and about their reconciliation, at times just sad in his reminiscences, but several times he'd grown angry at the unfairness of losing his brother so soon after they'd come back into each others lives.  He’d thrown things and screamed, collapsing in a fit of tears more than once and Remus had just let him rage, knowing he needed to let out his frustration and grief.

Remus had seen some of the best and worst in Sirius over those three days and he knew he was irrevocably in love with the other man. He just knew this wasn't the best time to tell him so.

"There is a reason for it, Prongs," Remus agreed, giving his best mate a pointed look. "But I think Sirius needs to hear it first and now isn't the time."

James searched his eyes for a moment and broke into a wide smile.  "Alright then." He stepped back and placed an arm around Lily's shoulders, his smile not abating.

Remus rolled his eyes again, but couldn't help smiling at James' understanding and apparent happiness at his statement.  Lily looked at him curiously, but didn't question anything, just motioned for him to go through to Sirius' room.

He knocked on the door and heard Sirius' soft "Come in" before entering.  He found Sirius sitting on his bed dressed in a dark suit, his tie in his hands.  He looked up when Remus came in and his eyes brightened for a moment before the sadness overtook them again. 

"I brought you some tea." Remus said softly, placing it on the bedside table and sitting down next to Sirius. "Lily says you haven't eaten all day."

Sirius shrugged. "I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat, but at least drink the tea." Remus said firmly.

"What for?" Sirius scoffed. "My stomach is in knots and I know I won't be able to keep anything down."

"Then drink the tea to help settle your stomach."

He looked at Remus for a moment and shook his head, but picked up the cup and took a few careful sips of the sweet tea before placing it back on its saucer.  He turned back to Remus, an eyebrow quirked as if asking if he was happy now.

Remus smiled softly. "A bite to eat would make me happier."

"Maybe later." 

"Need some help with your tie?"  Remus asked, desperate for some way to soothe Sirius.

The other man shrugged again and Remus stood up, taking the tie from Sirius' hands and placing it around his neck.  He tied it and adjusted it for him, fixing his collar when he was done. He looked into Sirius' face and cupped his cheek gently at the lost look in his eyes. 

"It's going to be alright," he reassured him.

Sirius stared at him for a moment, his voice hoarse when he spoke. "I don't know if I can do this."

"You can. I'll be right there by your side and so will Lily and James." 

Sirius shook his head. "I know and I'm thankful for that, but... my family will be there.  How can I face them?"

Remus gripped Sirius' chin softly so he couldn't look away.  "Your  _ family  _ is right here in this flat.  Your family is the Evans' family and us, James and I.  We're the ones who love you and are going to take care of you. The people we are going to see today are just the ones who brought you into this world, nothing more. We're going to pay respects to your brother, but the others don't matter."

He watched Sirius swallow hard, but nod, his eyes bright with unshed tears.  "You're right. Thank you."

"Don't thank me for stating the obvious." 

Sirius stood up and wrapped his arms around Remus, just hugging him for a few moments.  Remus kissed his forehead. "We have to get going." Sirius nodded silently and let Remus lead him from the room.

An hour later they stood outside the church where the services were being held.  Sirius was taking deep breaths, his eyes a touch wild as they scanned the crowd of people entering the building, every now and then flinching as someone would look in his direction and pointedly look away or even a few times sneer.  Remus tried to fight down his contempt for those who could be so hateful even at a time like this.

He took Sirius' hand in his and squeezed it, trying to reassure him.  He felt Sirius relax marginally and he nodded that he was finally ready to go inside. 

Lily and James flanking Sirius' other side, they walked into the church and were instantly met by a tall, dark-skinned man whose eyes were rimmed with red, a stoic expression on his face.  He embraced Sirius tightly and they held onto each other for a few moments. 

Finally releasing him, the man stepped back slightly. "I'm so glad you're here, Sirius, I know this isn't easy for you."

"I'm here for Reg and for you, Kingsley." Sirius said softly then introduced Regulus' partner to the other three. 

"Ah Remus," Kingsley said in his deep voice, grasping Remus' hand in a firm shake. "I'm glad to finally meet you even in this situation."

"Likewise, Kingsley.  I'm so sorry for your loss." 

Kingsley bit his lip, taking a few steadying breaths. "Reg really wanted to get to know you.  I know he'd be grateful you've taken care of Sirius these last few days." He turned to the others. "I want to thank you as well.  Sirius meant the world to Reg and how much you all care about him would have made him very happy."

Remus saw Sirius swallow hard, but before he could say anything an elegant woman approached them. "Sirius, love?"

"Andy." Sirius embraced her tightly and then introduced her and her husband Ted, who stood at her side, to the others.  Remus was a bit stunned when she hugged him tightly as well. "Thank you for taking care of Sirius." Remus nodded, his throat tight with emotion, thankful that Sirius still had relatives who cared about him.

They all moved to take their seats and when Sirius made to sit in a pew in the back, both Kingsley and Andromeda nudged him to sit with them closer to the front. "He was your brother, fuck the rest of them, you belong up front with us." Remus heard Andromeda whisper to Sirius.

They slid into a pew a few rows from the front and Remus saw Sirius' eyes fix on the ornate casket near the altar.  He took Sirius' hand in his once again, rubbing his thumb over the side of his palm reassuringly. A few moments before the service started Remus felt Sirius stiffen considerably next to him and he watched an older couple stiffly take their seats in the front pew.  The family resemblance was unmistakable and he knew they had to be Sirius' parents. He felt rage bubble up inside him at the sight of the hateful people, but he reigned it in, conscious of Sirius and knowing he'd pick up on it. Lily had obviously noticed as well because she took Sirius' other hand and whispered something in his ear that made some of the tension lessen in Sirius' body. 

The service began and Remus was struck by the amount of people who spoke, eulogising Regulus and speaking of him with affection. Colleagues, family members, school friends, there was a procession of people who had loved the young man and spoke eloquently about him. Kingsley spoke about his long-term partner with love, his voice breaking several times as he fought back emotion. When he finished he looked directly at Sirius who took a deep breath and nodded. Remus was shocked when Sirius stood and moved past him and made his way towards the podium, head held high though his chin trembled as he passed the casket.

He turned and faced the congregation and took a steadying breath before he spoke. "Regulus w-was my baby brother and the first person I loved unconditionally. We were only two years apart in age and he was my everything for a long time. I had a rough childhood… but Reg was always th-th-there for me. We didn't speak for several y-years because of stupidity on both our parts, but we reconnected several months ago and I am so glad we did. I would never have known otherwise the amazing man my brother grew up to be, and he really w-was exceptional."

Sirius paused, swallowing hard, searching the faces before him until his eyes met Remus' and he seemed to gather strength again. "Reg had a generous, loving heart and a wry sense of humor. He made me laugh so many times with his quick wit and I am so proud of the man he grew up to be. He was much too young to d-die, but he lived a good life and found love with a wonderful man whose mere presence made him happy. In his short time here he tried to right the wrongs of the world we live in because that's the type of person he was. He championed for the rights of p-people he thought deserved better, but no one deserved better than Reg.  He deserved a better f-family who should have loved him for who he was and n-not what he represented."

He paused once more, his chin trembling as tears started to fall down his face.  "He deserved a b-brother who w-was always there for him, who p-put him first over his own n-needs and who could have realised he w-was just a child and forgiven him m-m-much sooner."  Sirius stepped down from the podium and walked to the casket slowly. He placed a hand on the ivory lid and though his voice was no longer amplified by the microphone, Remus could still hear him in the silence of the cavernous room.

"I love you, Reg.  I miss you so m-much. I p-promise I'm going to m-make you proud."  Sirius pressed a kiss to his hand and laid it on the casket, then walked back to their pew, head down. 

As he took his seat next to him, Remus wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. "You were wonderful, " he whispered. "I'm so proud of you."

Sirius clung to him silently, his tears soaking Remus' shirt, but Remus just held him closer. They stayed like that throughout the remainder of the service, listening to the minister speak about Regulus and life everlasting, Remus trying to give Sirius what strength he could through his support. 

When the service concluded Sirius finally let go of Remus, giving him a sheepish look.  "Thank you."

Remus shook his head. "What did I tell you about thanking me for no reason?"

Sirius didn't answer, but Remus saw the stirrings of the first smile he had seen from Sirius in days.  The moment was interrupted as people began to file past them to exit the church. 

Kingsley came over to them and hugged Sirius again. "Reg would have been so proud of you."

"Thanks, Kingsley. "Sirius nodded. "I'm just glad I made it through the speech."

To Sirius' surprise their group was soon joined not only by Andromeda and Ted, but by the Evans family, including Petunia and her new husband Vernon.  Mrs. Evans embraced Sirius tightly, smoothing his hair and whispering into his ear until Sirius pulled back with a soft smile and Remus heard him say, "Thanks, Mum."

Even Petunia hugged Sirius briefly and offered her condolences, though her husband merely nodded when he offered his.  Sirius didn't have time to dwell as he introduced everyone to those they didn't know and was then approached by Marlene and Dorcas who had also come to support Sirius. 

Remus could see Sirius was touched but overwhelmed by the support so Remus went to his side and asked him if he was alright. 

Sirius nodded thankfully. "Yeah, but I'd really like a moment to say goodbye to Reg."

"Then let's go."  Remus held out his hand and Sirius took it gently, his eyes shining with gratitude. 

They made their way to the casket and Remus was glad no one was nearby.  He thought Sirius would go up by himself, but he kept a firm grip on Remus' hand until they stood before it.  Sirius placed a hand on the smooth top, his eyes roaming over the flowers adorning it, and then closed them tightly. 

Whatever Sirius was communicating to his brother he did so silently, his eyes closed and a few tears sliding down his cheek.  They stood there for a few moments before Remus placed his own hand on the casket and made a mental promise to Regulus that he would take care of Sirius and make sure he was alright. 

Finally Sirius looked up and nodded to Remus, wiping his tears with the back of his hand.  "Let's go." He turned one last time to look at the casket before leading Remus away.

A few steps away though, the path to their friends was blocked by the older couple Remus assumed were Sirius' parents.

The woman, coldly elegant in her black dress and hat stared down her nose at Sirius, her expression glacial. "I certainly didn't expect to see you here."

Sirius glared at her, his jaw clenched. "My brother d-died. Am I n-not allowed to, mourn?"

"I see your stutter is still embarrassingly present," the man sneered.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I see you're still m-more concerned with appearances than the fact your son died and you're seeing your only other child for the first time in over a d-decade."

"You're going to have to work harder on your public speaking." Sirius' father said coldly. "I won't have you make a fool of yourself or us at any future events."

"Events?" Sirius asked confused. "What are you talking about?"

His mother raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. "Surely you didn't think you'd be allowed to continue with your art nonsense now?  Granted, for a while you seemed to be moving within the upper echelons of acceptable society with your portrait work, but now you've moved on to commercial work." Her face twisted with distaste.  "With Regulus gone you must assume your role as the rightful heir and take your place within the family."

Sirius paled, his hand tightening in Remus' grip. "You must be joking.  I stopped doing portraits for the sole reason I didn't want to associate with your kind."

"I assure you I'm not joking. Your brother, though his proclivities left something to be desired, was at least a presentable member of society and doing his part within Parliament, however misguided his attempts were." She looked Sirius up and down then inclined her head towards Remus and her eyes scanned him as well. "Your appearance is adequate, but your partner's needs some work.  At least Kingsley was of good family. Introduce us."

Sirius sneered. "Remus, this is Walburga, the bitch who gave birth to me, and her husband, Orion, the one who used to beat me as a child. Remus is not my partner and I'll be damned if I am ever associated with your family again."

Walburga's eyes widened with rage. "How dare you speak to me like that!  You will learn your place and you have no choice but to resume your place within the family."

Remus had had enough.  He had been standing there silently seething with rage and hoping that a scene could be avoided for Sirius' sake, but he couldn't take anymore.  "How dare  _ you  _ even speak to Sirius?  This is your son's funeral and he's not even in his grave yet and you're already planning on replacing him with the son you abused and abandoned?"

Orion narrowed his eyes at Remus. "You have no idea how things work in proper society, boy, and you'll not speak to us in that way."

"You'll not speak to  _ Sirius  _ the way you have been and I don't give a  _ fuck  _ how things work in society." Remus sneered, his face twisted with rage. "You abused your son for most of his life for something he couldn't help and threw him out into the streets for just being who he was. What kind of a family does that? You're both monsters and if you ever even  _ think  _ of speaking to Sirius again you'll have to go through me first!"

"Who do you think you are that you can threaten us and accuse us of these things?" Walburga  spat.

Remus smiled coldly. "I'm the man that loves him and will protect him from vicious bastards like you and it wasn't a threat, it was a  _ promise _ ."

He turned to Sirius who was standing there slightly dazed and asked quietly. "Are you ready to go, love?"  Sirius nodded and Remus started to lead him away, shoving past Orion.

They hadn't gotten more than a few steps away when Walburga called after them, her voice tight with fury.  "This isn't over, Sirius! We are still your family."

Sirius turned back towards his parents, his eyes cold steel. "It was over the moment you kicked me out when I was sixteen." 

He saw the others had come closer behind them and Mr and Mrs, Evans flanked him on his other side with Lily and James behind him and Remus.  Sirius smiled cruelly at his mother. " _ This  _ is my family now and I want no part of yours ever again, Walburga."

Sirius turned to Remus, his face softening. "Can you take me home please?"

Remus nodded, bringing their joined hands up to place a kiss to the back of Sirius' hand. "Let's go."

They left the church without a backwards glance and walked down the steps to where their cars were waiting.  Once all their farewells were said, James, Lily, Sirius, and Remus climbed into the car Sirius had hired for the day.

"Are you alright, Pads?" Lily asked concerned.

Sirius smiled softly, squeezing Remus' hand still held firmly in his own. "I am.  I didn't think I would be and I don't think I'll be alright about Reg… Well, not for a long time.  But I'm kind of glad I had that showdown with my parents. Bit cathartic actually."

Lily squeezed Sirius' knee comfortingly and turned to Remus with a grin. "You were bloody amazing! You said things I wanted to say to that cow for years."

Remus blushed and shrugged. "I couldn't help it.  The way they were talking to and about him... I wanted to kill them both with my bare hands!"

"They're utter bastards, mate, but you don't need them." James nudged Sirius with his foot. "We  _ are _ your family now and if they mess with you we'll just let Moony here off his leash."

"He's a bit feral, isn't he?"  Sirius teased, looking at James. "Thank you though.  You have no idea how much I appreciate everyone's support today."

"We're always here for you, Sirius, you know that."  Lily assured him as they pulled up to Sirius' building.  "Do you want us to come up for a while?"

Sirius shook his head. "No, go on home, the driver will take you anywhere you want to go.  You've all done so much for me the last few days, you deserve some time off Sirius-duty." He turned to Remus. "Would you come up for a bit though?  I think we need to talk."

Remus swallowed hard, but nodded, realising that until then Sirius hadn't directed any comment to him since his outburst in the church.  He had to hope that the fact Sirius hadn't let go of his hand the entire time meant that he hadn't cocked things up.

They hugged their friends goodbye and James gave Remus a pointed look which he knew was James' way of telling him he had to tell Sirius how he really felt.  They exited the car and made their way inside, silent until they were finally in Sirius' flat.

Remus stood quietly just inside the door, watching as Sirius took his suit jacket off and tie off, laying them across a chair.  He turned to Remus. "Want a drink? I'll make you some tea if you like, but I need a bit of whisky right now, to be honest."

"Whisky sounds perfect."

He sat down on the sofa as Sirius pulled a pair of glass tumblers and the bottle of whisky off the small bar he had set up in the corner of the sitting room.  Sirius brought them over and sat down next to Remus, placing the glasses on the coffee table and pouring a generous serving for each of them before he handed Remus one of the tumblers.

Remus raised his glass to Sirius. "To Regulus."

"To Regulus."  Sirius smiled softly and clinked his glass to Remus', taking a sip before he relaxed back against the sofa cushions, his body angled towards Remus. "Thank you for everything you said to my parents and for being there for me the last few days.  I know it couldn't have been easy."

"I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else." Remus admitted. "Your parents deserve much worse than a few nasty words thrown their way."

Sirius shrugged. "Still, I've never had anyone call them out on their bullshit for me the way you did.  It means a lot."

Remus didn't say anything, his stomach churning as he took another sip of the whisky, relishing the smooth slide of it down his throat.  He knew he had to confess his feelings, but wasn't sure how or if it was still too soon. Sirius, however, wasn't one to miss things.

"When you were telling them off though, you said something that struck me." Sirius said quietly. "You told them you were the man who loved me.  How did you mean that? It's fine if you just meant it as friends, I can deal with that, I just want to know—"

"I meant it as I'm the man who's  _ in love _ with you." Remus looked into Sirius' eyes, his heart racing as he spoke. "Completely, irrevocably, one hundred percent head over arse in love with you."

Sirius bit his lip, his eyes closing briefly. "If you're saying this just because you're feeling sorry for me right now..."

"You git, I'm saying it because it's true.  I wanted to tell you sooner, but I didn't think it was the right time while you were so lost in grief."

"Does this mean you want to be in a relationship though?" Sirius asked, his voice tight. "I know you were scared and I get that."

"I'm more scared of losing you than I am of anything else," Remus admitted. "I'm scared of fucking up somehow, but I still want to try.  I want to be with you, I want to be your boyfriend, your lover, your partner, anything you'll have me as."

Sirius set his glass down and raised a hand to cup Remus' cheek. "Are you sure?"

"As sure as I am that I love you.  And I do, Sirius. I really love you."

He took the glass out of Remus' hand and set it down next to his own with a smirk. "I'm going to kiss you now and I don't want to spill whisky everywhere." 

Remus pulled him closer and it felt like coming home as Sirius' mouth covered his.  He tried to pour everything he felt into the kiss, wanting Sirius to know just how much he meant to him. 

Straddling him, his mouth never leaving Remus', Sirius tangled his fingers in Remus' curls.   Remus deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue along Sirius' and sliding his hands down his back to pull Sirius even closer.  The sweet taste of him was already driving him mad with desire and he relished the moan that left Sirius’ mouth when he pressed his lips against his stubbled  jaw, running his mouth hotly down to the sensitive skin of his neck. Remus growled against his skin, licking and sucking a mark above his clavicle.

Sirius shuddered above him and looked down, his eyes already dark and filled with longing.  "Let's take this to bedroom."

He looked up at Sirius, trying to reign in his lust for the other man. “Sirius, are you sure now is the time?”

“Please don’t treat me like I’m fragile. Just let me forget for a little while.”  Sirius smiled at him softly. “I want you.”

Remus nodded, pressing one more biting kiss to Sirius' neck before allowing him to stand and following him into the bedroom.  Sirius turned to face him at the foot of the bed, slowly stripping his shirt off and flinging it to the side. 

He looked at Remus expectantly, but Remus shook his head, his voice firm and commanding. "All of it. I want to see you."

Smirking, Sirius complied and was soon naked before him. Remus let his hungry eyes rake over every inch of his beautiful body. 

"Your turn,"  Sirius said cheekily.

Remus kept his eyes locked on Sirius' as he divested himself of his clothing, his breath catching as he saw Sirius' nostrils flare and his fingers twitch as if stopping himself from reaching out for Remus.  He stalked towards him once he was completely bare and captured Sirius' mouth in a hungry kiss, his hands traveling up his chest and down his lightly muscled arms. 

He pulled back and traced the lilies on Sirius' chest.  "I know these are for Lily, but what are the others for?" 

Sirius smiled softly at him and brought Remus' hand to his rib cage where a set of Roman numerals was inked in black.  "This is the date I left my parents. It marked a new beginning for me and it was my first tattoo." 

Remus traced it delicately with his fingertips then moved his hand to Sirius' shoulder where he touched the paw print marked there softly. "That's for my nickname from Lily.  She has a lily pad on the same shoulder." Sirius explained before turning to show Remus his back. 

Remus trailed his fingers over the lettering. "Rewrite the Stars?" he asked softly. "Bowie?"

"I've always loved Bowie and I thought it suited me since I'm named after a star and I was rewriting the life that had been mapped out for me."

Remus pressed a kiss to the tattoo. "The brightest star in the sky, just like you."

Turning around, Sirius kissed him softly before taking his hand and placing it on his bicep where his last tattoo was.  What Remus had originally thought was a tribal band was actually the phases of the moon. "Why this?"

"Well, when I was little I used to stare out my window at night and pray that the man in the moon would come and take me away.  Once I had left home I still liked to look at the night sky, but I realised it was up to me to save myself. I had some deep thought about the moon's phases one night when Lily and I got, drunk about how everything that had happened to me was just a phase." Sirius chuckled.  "Seems silly, but since I found out your nickname was Moony I had the thought that every phase was just leading me to you."

Remus grinned, his fingers tracing the artwork. "You really are a big sap, aren't you?"

"And you love it,  _ Moony _ ." Sirius teased, his hands running up Remus' chest.

His expression turned serious, framing Sirius' face with his hands and drinking in his masculine beauty. "I do." 

Sirius smiled softly and captured his lips in a slow kiss, turning them around to gently push Remus onto the bed.  He crawled up Remus' prone body and their mouths met again in a searing kiss, his hands braced on either side of Remus' shoulders. 

All too soon for Remus' liking, Sirius pulled away only to run his mouth hotly across Remus’ jaw down to his collarbone.  Remus buried his face against Sirius’ shoulder with a groan, a hand sliding up to tangle in the dark locks.

“My god, what you do to me.” Sirius breathed against Remus’ clavicle, alternating between kissing and nipping the sensitive skin with his teeth.  He punctuated his words with a slow thrust of his hips, sliding his hard cock against Remus', eliciting a soft groan from Remus' lips. 

Remus clutched at the soft skin of Sirius' back as the dark haired man slid further down his body, kissing and tracing each scar on Remus' chest almost reverently. "You're so beautiful." Sirius whispered.

"Even with all the scars?" Remus couldn't resist asking softly.

The molten grey eyes met his. "Even more so with the scars.  They show me you're a fighter, a survivor. Despite everything you've been through your soul  _ and  _ your body are beautiful."

Remus closed his eyes briefly to hold back the tears that wanted to escape at Sirius' words, his throat tight with emotion and the love he felt for this remarkable man. 

"Look at me." Sirius commanded softly, smiling when the moss green eyes looked into his.  "I love you. Every part of you."

He resumed his exploration of Remus' body, kissing and tracing every inch of skin he could reach with his tongue.  He pressed open-mouthed kisses to the inside of Remus' thighs before pausing to bury his nose into the soft curls at his groin. "I want to devour you." He moaned softly before licking a broad stripe up Remus' considerable length.

Remus reached down and took Sirius' long hair in his hands, pulling it away from his face so he could watch his lover.  His breath caught at the sight of Sirius swirling his tongue around the tip of his cock, lapping at the pearls of pre-come already gathered at the tip.

"You taste so good." Sirius moaned, his tongue sliding up and down Remus' length.  "I could worship your massive cock all day." 

Remus's fist tightened in Sirius' hair with a loud groan as Sirius wrapped a hand around the base of Remus' cock and took as much as he could down his throat.  Remus tried to restrain the need to fuck Sirius' expert mouth savagely, his hips bucking of their own accord. Sirius grinned around Remus' cock, sucking harder, his own wanton noises muffled around the prick in his mouth fueling the fire in Remus' veins.

He tugged on Sirius' hair as he felt his control start to snap, pulling him off his leaking cock.  "I want to come inside you." Sirius' wanton moan at his words made him grin and he pulled him up, their mouths meeting in a desperate kiss.  Remus could taste himself on Sirius' tongue and it only spurred his need for more, to take Sirius apart and make him scream his name.

He reached over to the bedside table and pulled both lubricant and a condom out, hurriedly coating his fingers in the slippery fluid, never breaking his kiss with Sirius. He reached behind Sirius and spread his arse cheeks, finding his entrance and teasing the puckered hole with his slicked fingers.  Sirius moaned into Remus' mouth as one long finger penetrated him, arching back into Remus’ hand. As another finger joined the first, stretching him, seeking the small gland deep inside him and finding it with a white-hot burst of pleasure, Sirius had to grab the base of his prick hard to keep from finishing before they even started.

Remus pulled back and looked into Sirius' eyes, almost black with desire. "Ride me," he whispered, his voice rough and filled with need.

Sirius' breath hitched, but he nodded, taking the condom from Remus and ripping the foil packet with his teeth.  He slid the rubber slowly over Remus' cock, then slicked his prick with some of the lube, licking his lips as his eyes followed his hands.  He positioned himself over Remus' cock and slowly took him inside himself, Remus' fingers gripping his hips tightly. 

Their eyes met and held as Sirius slowly slid down, his mouth open and chest heaving at the delicious stretch until he'd taken all of Remus inside.  Remus bit his lip, fighting the urge to move and glorying in the tight heat of Sirius' body encasing him, willing himself to hold still while Sirius adjusted.

Sirius smirked as he started to rise on his knees, then came back down slowly, teasing Remus with the slow sensual slide, over and over again until Remus' control snapped.  He gripped Sirius' hips and thrust upwards sharply, earning a broken gasp from Sirius who clutched at Remus' chest. 

Remus thought he'd never seen a more erotic sight than Sirius riding him, meeting his thrusts and swiveling his hips, his head thrown back in ecstasy.  "You're so perfect." Remus moaned, wrapping a hand around Sirius' neglected cock, pumping him in time to the rhythm they had already set. 

Panting, Sirius looked down at Remus, his eyes hooded with pleasure. "I'm so close." 

Remus could feel his sac tightening against his body and the pleasure coiling deep inside him.  He drove his hips up harder into Sirius, twisting his hand slightly on the upstroke on Sirius' leaking cock. "Come for me, love."

Sirius came with a guttural moan a few moments later, thick white ribbons of come landing all over Remus' hand and chest.  Remus couldn't hold back when Sirius' body spasmed around him, milking his own orgasm from him, Sirius' name wrenched from his lips as he came.

Unable to support himself any longer, Sirius fell forward onto Remus' chest, Remus' arms wrapping around him as they both tried to catch their breath.  Remus felt Sirius' racing heart beating against his own and he pulled Sirius' hair to the side to press a kiss to the sweat-slicked skin. 

Sirius turned to face him, a soft, satiated smile on his face. Remus couldn't hold back the "I love you" that spilled from his lips.  Sirius' smile widened and he pressed a lingering kiss to Remus' mouth. "I love you, too." 

Slowly they untangled themselves, Sirius sliding off Remus with another hiss, cleaning up with a wet flannel Sirius retrieved from the en suite and chucking the tied condom in the bin near the bed.  Remus pulled Sirius back to him in the bed, curling himself around the other man, Sirius' back to his chest.

Remus softly kissed the skin before him, tracing the paw print on Sirius' skin and his curiosity piqued. "You know, you never told me where you got the name  _ Padfoot _ ." Remus murmured kissing along his shoulder. 

"That's what you want to discuss in our post-coital bliss?" Sirius chuckled. 

"I'm curious, it's an odd nickname."

Sirius turned in his arms and rolled his eyes.  "Fine, but you're not allowed to think less of me, alright?"

Remus raised a brow, taking in the blush that spread over Sirius' cheeks. "Alright."

"For some reason I've always walked softly, I don't know why.  I used to love to sneak up on people and scare them, especially Lily." Sirius explained. "It didn't always work in my favor though.  One night I went down to the kitchen in Lily's house in the middle of the night and her Mum didn't hear me come in. I startled her so badly she beaned me with a frying pan which was the closest thing to hand."

Remus laughed, the image vivid in his mind. "Thus the nickname?"

"Thus the nickname. Damn Lily." Sirius grimaced.

Grinning, Remus pressed a kiss to Sirius' still red cheek. "I am so going to call you Padfoot from now on. My boyfriend and his delicate feet."

Sirius looked into Remus' eyes, his smile warming Remus' heart. "Say it again."

Remus didn't pretend to not understand what the other man meant. " _ Boyfriend _ ," he whispered softly. "My boyfriend, my lover, my  _ everything _ . For as long as you'll have me." 

"Forever sounds good to me," Sirius murmured, pressing a kiss to Remus' lips.

"Sounds perfect."  Remus held Sirius to him tightly, deepening the kiss.

Everything that needed to be said between them had at last been said and they held each other until sleep finally claimed them.  Remus woke in the middle of the night to Sirius’ stifled sobs and still he said nothing. He just held his lover close as if he would never let go. 

He didn’t ever intend to.

  
  
  
  



	14. Epilogue

_ One Year Later… _

  
  


Remus raised his glass of champagne to the couple twirling on the dance floor, grinning at Sirius’ antics as Lily’s flowing white dress swirled around them.  He turned when he felt someone drop down into the seat beside him. 

“Your boyfriend is showing me up with his dance moves,” James complained, the wide grin on his face showing Sirius’ superior dance moves didn’t really bother him.

“It’s a good thing Lily didn’t marry you for your dance skills, Prongs.” Remus teased before taking a sip of his champagne.

James clasped Remus shoulder almost making him spill his drink. “She’s my  _ wife  _ now,” he said, his voice awed.

“That  _ is  _ why we’re at your wedding right now, you twat.” Remus spread his arms gesturing around him to the ballroom they were in, surrounded by friends and family celebrating Lily and James’ marriage.

James waved his arm dismissively. “You know what I mean, Moony.  I can barely believe that amazing woman is mine, much less that she’s my  _ wife  _ now.”

Remus glanced back at the dance floor, his eyes finding Sirius easily.  He watched his boyfriend dance, looking even more handsome than usual in his dark tailored suit, his long, dark, hair twisted back into a bun, and he easily understood James’ sentiment.  Even after a year of being together he still thanked his lucky stars that Sirius had been so patient with him. He couldn’t imagine what his life would be like without Sirius at this point.  More importantly, he didn’t want to.

“I know exactly what you mean, Prongs.”  Remus smiled, watching Sirius twirl Lily once more.  

James followed Remus’ gaze and smiled fondly at his best friend. “Think one of you will pop the question anytime soon?”

Remus made sure no one was looking and reached inside his pocket, withdrawing a small jewellery box. He opened it and quickly showed James the platinum bands he’d had designed with matching star and moon designs before pocketing them once more lest Sirius see. “You could say that,” Remus smirked.

“You sly dog, you didn’t tell me!” James cried, punching Remus in the arm lightly.

Shrugging, Remus quirked a brow. “It’s not like you can keep a secret, Prongs.”

“Then why tell me now?” 

“I’m planning on asking him tonight once we’re home.  I know you and Lily will be on your honeymoon and I figured you’d be upset if you didn’t find out for another week,” Remus answered.

“Fair point,” James conceded. “That sure he’ll say yes?”  James teased.

Remus thought back to the last year and all of the changes that had occurred.  Their relationship had progressed quickly after Remus had finally let go of his past, moving in together just three months after they had officially become a couple.  Remus’ column for  _ The Marauder _ was still doing amazingly well and the book he and Sirius had worked on together had finally hit bookshelves the month before.  Remus could hardly believe it when the book had made the bestseller list and he was already in negotiations for another book, this one a work of fiction based on a manuscript he’d written some time before.  Through all of the frenzied work and life changes the one thing that had remained constant was his love for Sirius and he knew Sirius felt the same.

“I’m pretty sure.”  Remus smiled softly, laughing as James hugged him.

“Unhand my boyfriend!  You’re a married man now, Prongsie!”  Sirius joked, plopping himself down on Remus’ lap. Remus’ arms wrapped around him, his face lighting up as Sirius bent down for a chaste kiss.  

“That’s what you get for showing me up on the dance floor, Pads.” James teased, grinning as Lily settled on his lap.

“There is nothing wrong with your dancing, love.” Lily smiled, “Sirius has to have some kind of skill to brag about.”

Sirius scowled.  “Moony, defend my honour.”

Remus laughed, shaking his head. “How about you twirl me around the dance floor instead and show off those dance skills?”

Smiling, Sirius stood up and held his hand out to his partner. “Do you want to show them how it’s done, love?”

Remus grinned, his heart full as he looked into the smouldering grey eyes of the man he loved. “I do.”

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Reviews are love. :-)


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